An Optimist's Guide to Heartbreak (Heartsong #1)(82)

I give the cat a rub between the ears. “A little Christmas miracle. And here I’d been thinking we were low on those this year.”

“A good Samaritan, indeed,” Vera chimes in.

We spend the afternoon taking pictures, switching out holiday-inspired headbands and elf outfits for the pets, and taking part in two successful adoptions. One of our longtime cat residents, Annabel, found a home for Christmas, as did the bloodhound, Moses. Overall, it was a good day.

Before the doors close, my best friend shuffles inside with my two hooligans who are dead set on knocking her off her brand new Simon Miller boots. I may or may not have dug deep into the pits of my savings account to gift her the boots she’d been dying to have since springtime. We always partake in a holiday martini night and gift exchange sometime before the big day. Alyssa bought me the newest KitchenAid mixer in rose pink, along with her great grandmother’s handwritten recipe card for key lime cookies. It was such a thoughtful gift.

“Lucy!” Alyssa calls out, just as my own furry Key Lime breaks free and dives at the leftover people treats like the dirty rascal she is.

She always knows exactly what’s not meant for her and takes supreme interest in it anyway.

Kind of like me.

“Sorry you’re always getting stuck with my heathens, Lys,” I chuckle, pulling off my elf ears and racing to grab the leashes. Alyssa brought the dogs by for a picture because I’m helpless against photographic evidence of my fur babies in impossibly cute reindeer outfits.

And she’s helpless against my shameless begging.

“The things we do for love,” she winks, shrugging out of her coat. “I’m also here for selfish reasons. I think I want a dog or something. Maybe a cat. What do you think?”

My eyebrows arc with intrigue. “Really? I’d go with a cat due to your busy work schedule. Less maintenance.”

“Valid point. Show me the kitties, please.”

Elation trickles through me as Gemma and I lead Alyssa back to the cat room while Vera and her husband de-Santa Claus the front lobby. There’s nothing that gives me more joy than finding the perfect forever home for an animal in need. As we spend quality time with each of the seven available cats, Alyssa brings up a topic that has my elation plummeting into a black hole of dread.

“Have you heard from Cal at all since The Incident?” she asks cautiously, not making eye contact, instead focusing on the little jingle bell collar secured around Sully’s neck.

I try not to go pale, but I’m certain the remnants of my red lipstick are the only source of color visible on my face. “Nothing aside from that one text.” I clear the tickle from my throat, the pain still raw. “It hurts too much.”

Gemma rubs my back with affection. “It’s a shitty situation. I don’t blame you for cutting off contact.”

Nodding, I look away before they can see the moisture springing to my eyes. It’s not like me to dodge or deflect in times of crisis. Normally, I’m the first person to pry into the whys and what ifs, press for answers, and attempt to fix.

Fix, fix, fix.

But words couldn’t fix this. Nothing Cal could say would lessen the sting of the wound he’d carved into me after I gave him something precious, something I never intended to share with anyone, and he threw me out like a piece of trash.

He fired me while I was still coming down from the most potent bliss I’d ever felt, my jeans unbuttoned, my heart in his hands, his release slow-drying on my skin.

The timing of it was unbearable.

Unfixable.

And this was after he’d spent the whole week ignoring me, avoiding me, after I’d confessed to him that my heart was on borrowed time.

I screenshotted the text message he sent me later that night to Alyssa, after I stumbled out of his office amid a fit of gut-wrenching sobs, trying to avoid Ike’s concerned questions as I clocked out of the auto shop for the very last time.

Cal:



I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go like that. I called you into my office to let you go because it’s no longer a comfortable working environment for either of us. We’re in too deep. The timing was shit, and I’m sorry for that, but it only reinforced my reasoning. Please try to understand where I’m coming from. It was business, it wasn’t personal. Call me when you get this.





Business.

What a terrible phrase.

All business, nothing personal.

It was personal because there was a person on the other end of that cold, ruthless business decision. A person who thought Cal Bishop truly cared about her. A person who trusted him to protect her heart.

He put me in an unfair place, leaving me stranded, forcing me to pick up the pieces of our shared mistake.

And I realize I told him we weren’t a mistake, but I don’t think I believe that anymore.

After all, he flat-out told me that he wouldn’t love me, and I should have taken his words at face value and run the other way. A man unwilling to love when love makes a worthy case for itself, is a man who will only ensure a future of disappointment. Life’s too short to pursue disappointment.

Especially my life.

My overtly sunny thought process has been tested since that day in Cal’s office, infected with lightning and rain clouds, and I don’t like it.

But I can’t prevent the unstable air: I can’t stop the storm.