Along for the Ride(33)

We ended up back at the hotel where she was staying, a small boutique place called the Condor just off the boardwalk. Its restaurant was tiny, crowded with only a few tables, and dim, heavy red curtains hanging from the windows, the carpet a matching shade. My mother settled into a booth, nodded her approval at the flickering candle on the table, and ordered a glass of cabernet from the hostess as she shed her sweater. After a pointed look, I took off Heidi’s jacket, stuffing it under my bag, out of sight.

‘So,’ she said, once her wine had arrived and she’d taken a big gulp. ‘Tell me about your father’s book. He must be done by now, ready to send it off to his agent. Has he let you read it?’

I looked down at my water glass, moving it in a circle on the table. ‘Not yet,’ I said carefully, as I knew she was looking for more than just the answer to this question. ‘He’s working day and night, though.’

‘Sounds more like writing than revising,’ she observed, picking up the menu and scanning it before setting it aside. I didn’t say anything. ‘But then, your father did always have odd work habits. Writing never came easily for him, as it does for some others.’

Right, I thought. Time for a subject change. ‘The baby’s pretty cute,’ I said. ‘She still cries a lot, though. Heidi thinks she has colic.’

‘If you think a baby has colic, it probably doesn’t,’ my mother said, taking another sip of her wine. ‘You know. With Hollis, there was no question. From the first night home, he screamed his lungs out. It lasted for three months.’

I nodded. ‘Well, Thisbe’s pretty fussy…’

‘Thisbe.’ My mother shook her head. ‘I still cannot believe that name. Your father and his delusions of grandeur. What’s the middle name? Persephone? Beatrice?’

‘Caroline.’

‘Really?’ I nodded. ‘How quaint. And unlike him.’

‘Heidi fought for it, apparently.’

‘She should have fought harder,’ my mom said. ‘It’s only a middle name, after all.’

The waiter came by then, asking if we wanted appetizers. As my mother picked up the menu again, ordering us some scallop ceviche and a cheese plate, I looked down at Heidi’s jacket, the pink now barely visible against the dark red of the booth all around it. I had a flash of her face the day we’d been discussing names, how she’d rushed to compliment my own cumbersome middle name, just because she assumed it would make me feel better.

‘Then again,’ my mom said as the waiter left, ‘I doubt your father picked Heidi for her fortitude. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think all he really wanted was someone fluffy and insubstantial, so that he could be absolutely sure she’d always follow his lead.’

I knew that she was probably right. After all, it wasn’t like Heidi had showed any great backbone in the last few weeks. And yet, somehow, I heard myself say, ‘Heidi’s not completely ditzy, though.’

‘No?’

I shook my head. ‘She’s actually a pretty sharp business-woman.’

She turned to face me, her dark eyes meeting mine. ‘Really.’

‘Yeah. I mean, I know because I’m doing her books.’ I’d forgotten how penetrating my mother’s looks could be, and I broke quickly, turning my attention back to my water glass. ‘Clementine’s could be just a seasonal business, but somehow she’s managing to turn a monthly profit all year long. And she’s really savvy when it comes to catching trends. A lot of the stuff she ordered last year at this time went on to be huge.’

‘I see,’ she said slowly. ‘Like, Booty Berry, for instance?’

I flushed. Why was I even defending Heidi, anyway? ‘I’m just saying,’ I said. ‘She’s not just what she appears.’

‘No one is,’ she said, once again managing to both have the last word and make it seem like she’d been right all along. How she always did that, I had no idea. ‘But enough about Heidi. Let’s talk about you. How’s the reading going for next year? You must be getting a lot done.’

‘I am,’ I said. ‘It’s slow going, though. The textbooks are pretty dry, especially the econ stuff. But I think –’

‘Auden, you can’t expect any subject to simplify itself for you,’ she said. ‘Nor should you want it to. A challenge only means you’ll retain the information that much better.’

‘I know,’ I replied. ‘It’s just kind of hard, doing the reading without any direction from a professor. I think once I’m in the class, it’ll be easier to know what’s important.’

She shook her head. ‘But you shouldn’t need that. Too often I have students who are happy to just wait for me to explain to them what a line of dialogue or stage direction means within the context of the play. They don’t even think to try to figure it out themselves. But in Shakespeare’s time, you had only the text. It’s up to you to decipher the meaning. It’s the only pure way to learn.’

She was getting fired up, clearly. Which was probably why it was a mistake to say, ‘But this is economics, not literature. It’s different.’

Now she really zeroed in on me, narrowing her gaze. ‘No, Auden, it’s not. That’s exactly my point. When have I ever taught you to take another person’s view on anything?’