All the Little Lights(62)

“Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . let me stop you right there. I don’t like where this is going.” Elliott’s expression tightened, a deep line forming between his brows. His hands were shaking, his mouth twitching.

“That’s not what I meant. I don’t mean that,” I said, not even wanting to say the word breakup. Elliott was my best friend. The only thing I remembered about my life before he came back was feeling miserable.

His shoulders relaxed, and he exhaled. “Okay.” He nodded. “Good.” He took my hand and led me inside, finding a spot in the commons area.

We sat, and he unrolled the sack, handing me my Chili Cheese Coney. He checked his watch. “First bell rings in six minutes.”

I nodded, peeling my food out of its wrapper and taking a bite. My appetite hadn’t returned, but I knew Elliott would make a big deal if I didn’t eat. As soon as the savory meat, sauce, and melted cheese hit my tongue, I was glad I did. It was the best thing I’d ever tasted. Dad wasn’t a fan of eating out, and after he’d died, we couldn’t afford to. I would splurge on the occasional ice cream cone in the summers, mainly to get out of the house, but Sonic was too far away from the Juniper, and now I would have to figure out how to make this at home so I could experience it again.

“Oh my God,” I said, taking another large bite.

Elliott grinned. “You’ve never had a chili cheese dog?”

I swallowed. “No, but it’s now my favorite food ever. Who knew a hot dog could be transformed into the equivalent of heaven inside my mouth with a scoop of chili and some melted cheese?” I took another bite, humming as I chewed.

I took the last bite and sat back, feeling full and euphoric.

“What is that? I’ve never seen that look on your face,” Elliott said, looking just as happy as I felt.

“That is grease and sodium filling my belly. And I don’t have to do the dishes after.”

Elliott’s smile fell away, and he leaned forward, cautious. “Why don’t you let me help you on the weekends? You work so hard, Catherine. I’m not gonna judge you. No matter what it is you don’t want me to see, I’m not gonna think of you any different.”

“You . . .” I paused. What I wanted to say would take us down a path I couldn’t go. “You can’t.”

Elliott’s jaw ticked. I hadn’t seen him angry since we were fifteen; in fact, he was one of the most even-tempered and patient people I had ever met, but my resistance to let him inside was wearing on him. “What were you really going to say?”

The bell rang, and I smiled, standing up. “I’d better go. Mr. Simons will wring my neck if I’m late again.”

Elliott nodded, unhappy.

I rushed to my locker and then down C Hall to my physiology class. The second bell rang just as I sat down, and Mr. Simons peeked up at me before returning to his planner.

“Hey,” Madison said, sliding into the desk next to me. Minka usually sat there, so I was surprised to hear a different, nicer voice coming from that direction. “I’m really sorry about today. We were just excited that you were coming to lunch, and we both got carried away.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Excited?”

She shrugged. “You’re a person, I get it. We shouldn’t treat you like a novelty. But everyone is so curious about you, and you’re so private, and so everyone speculates. There are some wild stories out there about you.”

“About me?”

“Yes,” she said with a giggle. “I promise we’ll be cool next time. Elliott was hoping you’d ride to the game with me. His mom couldn’t get off work, and his aunt and uncle can’t go, so . . .”

“Oh,” I said. I hadn’t realized no one would be there to watch Elliott play, and he’d be playing against his old Yukon teammates. He was going to be under a lot of pressure, and someone needed to be there. “Oh, hell,” I said, touching my forehead. “This Friday is November sixteenth.”

“Yeah?” Madison said, batting her long lashes.

I covered my eyes with my hand and groaned. “It’s also Elliott’s birthday. I’m awful. No wonder he was so hurt.”

“You’re right! You have to go. You have to.”

I nodded.

“You’re in the wrong seat,” Minka barked.

Madison looked up, instantly annoyed. “Are you a toddler? You can’t wait five seconds while I finish my conversation with my friend?”

Minka’s eyes targeted me. “Your friend?” she said, unconvinced.

Madison stood up, meeting Minka’s gaze. “What of it?”

Minka sat, giving me one last glance before cowering in her seat. I wanted to high-five Madison but settled for an appreciative grin. She winked at me and then walked to her desk in the back.

“Please turn your textbooks to page one seventy-three,” Mr. Simons said. “The study guide will be online tonight, and the test is Friday. Don’t forget the paper on disuse muscle atrophy is due Monday.”

Besides the paper for Mr. Simons, I had homework in three other classes, plus work at the Juniper and the game. I wasn’t sure I could fit it all in, but Elliott needed me.

I turned to Madison, waiting until she looked at me, to give her a thumbs-up and mouth, I’m in. She clapped her hands together a few times without sound, and I turned around, smiling. It would be a delicate balance, having friends and keeping the Juniper private, but for the first time, I felt it was possible.