All the Inside Howling (Hollow Folk #2)(46)

The sound hit first, this deep boom-boom-boom that ran through me like shock-waves. Then the heat of too many bodies packed into a small space. Even with Austin’s arm around me, I pulled to the side, sticking as close as I could to the wall. With this many people I didn’t know, the first touch, a chance eye-contact, anything could send me spiraling into vision after vision, and I didn’t want that. They were all staring at us, of course, and that only made it worse, because I wanted to stare back and challenge them, and instead I had my eyes locked on the floor. I looked like I was embarrassed or ashamed, and I hated myself for doing it, but the emotional toll of being dragged through a hundred different personal hells scared me even worse.

When we reached the kitchen, the press of bodies eased up. Aside from a couple of girls I’d seen in my math class who were leaning against the counter and giggling, we were alone with Kaden. He plucked the bottles from the box, lined them up on the counter, and grinned like he’d won the lottery.

“Damn, this is awesome, Vie. Seriously, you didn’t have to do this.”

“No big deal.” My pulse pounded in my ears. This was worse than just the fear of visions, I realized. This was the way I felt at school: the stares, the mixture of fear and curiosity and dislike. Outside, I had felt like the night sky was crushing me under its blackness. Here, in this cheery, well-lit kitchen, it was somehow worse, like I couldn’t draw a breath.

“You ok?” Austin whispered.

I nodded. Kaden was watching us and not trying to hide it, but I couldn’t think of a lie.

Austin, blunt as ever, said, “He’s not good with crowds sometimes.”

“Yeah. Ok.” Kaden scrubbed a hand through his messy hair. “I didn’t think—sorry, I wouldn’t have invited so many people.”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you want to go?” Austin said.

I shook my head. “Honest, I’m fine.”

Pitching his voice just for me, he said, “You flinch every time I touch you. You’re shaking. Now you’re white as a sheet. Did somebody—are you hurt?”

“We’re not leaving,” I said. Then, to Kaden, I added, “Do you have cups?”

Kaden produced a stack of red Solo cups, and I poured myself some of the Hennessy. I’d never had cognac before, but it was surprisingly smooth, and the heat of it soaked through my chest. I poured one for Austin, but he shook his head, and so I handed it to Kaden.

“Damn,” he said. “That’s incredible.”

“Did you really have to invite the whole fucking school, Kade?” Austin said.

“Drop it,” I said.

“No, this is ridiculous. What the hell were you thinking?”

Kaden grimaced. “I know, I screwed up. Look, I made the invite really clear: anybody who wanted to support you was welcome. Anybody that was going to be a dick, stay away. These people are here because they like you, Austin. They’re here because they care about you. Yeah, I probably should have thought it through, but I didn’t know it was going to be a problem.”

“It’s not a problem,” I said. “For the last time. This is awesome. It’s really cool of you, Kaden. Thank you.”

Some of the irritation eased in Austin’s face. “Yeah. Thank you.”

“Why don’t you go out there?” Kaden said. “Just for a minute. People want you to know. They want to talk to you. They came here for you.”

“They came for free beer,” Austin said.

“Ouch.” Kaden put a hand over his heart. “I’ll have you know they all paid a cover. Seriously, Austin. Do it for yourself. One and done.”

Austin looked at me. “I can’t,” I said. “But you should go.”

“If I leave you here in the kitchen—”

“Nobody will care,” Kaden said. “Not trying to be rude, Vie, but this isn’t about you.”

“Thank God,” I said. “Austin, I think he’s right. You should go.”

The mixture of frustration and desire on his face made me want to laugh. I slipped out from under his arm and gave him a gentle push towards the party. “Go on.”

“I’ll keep him company,” Kaden said, squeezing my arm. I winced, and both of them saw it, but I shook my head and pointed at the party.

“Go,” I said.

With a last, conflicted look at me, Austin threw his shoulders back and marched into the chaos. Almost immediately, a roar went up in the other room. It was like hearing a rock star crash-landing. The music screeched to a halt, someone shouted something, and another roar went up. Five seconds went by, maybe ten, and then the music surged back to life.

I was surprised that I was grinning. “They’re happy to see him.”

“Told you,” Kaden said.

“It probably doesn’t hurt that I’m not in there.”

“Yeah, probably not.” When I didn’t say anything for a moment, Kaden added, “It’s a lot for people to adjust to. They’re doing the best they can. And admittedly, you’re, well, you’re kind of tough.”

“I’m tough?”

“You’re hard to talk to.”

“Then don’t talk to me.”

“Jesus,” Kaden said, laughing with an edge. “That’s exactly what I mean. You’ve been here how long and you still don’t want anything to do with me, no matter how hard I try.”