All I've Never Wanted(140)
She swung her legs over the side of the bed so she was facing him head-on, her diamonds blindingly bright even in the soft lighting. “I know we haven’t…talked much lately,” she ventured hesitatingly, like she was afraid he was going to up and leave if she so much as uttered a wrong word. “But…I really missed you.”
Roman’s knuckles turned white. “Yeah, well, I would’ve thought it’d be pretty hard to miss someone when you’re drugged up or boozed up all the time,” he said flatly, flashing back to the string of missed birthdays, ruined holidays, and cancelled family vacations over the years.
Giselle’s face was now the color of his knuckles. “I know.” Her lower lip trembled. “I know I haven’t been a good mother, or much of a mother at all, but I’m trying to change, I really am. It’s—it’s going to take some work, and I can’t promise I’ll be perfect. I’ve just depended on alcohol and pills so much that I can’t…” She took a deep breath. “But since your…accident… I just realized how much I wanted to be better. For both of us.” Her eyes shone with unshed tears. “You’re so grown-up now, and I haven’t been there for any of it…and you’ll be off to college in the fall—“
Roman’s own throat felt tight. After so many years, he’d thought he was immune to anything his parents could say or do, but hearing her speak brought back a flood of earlier dreams and wishes, ones where he belonged to a normal, loving family who ate dinner together every night and talked about their days, where his mother would take care of him when he was sick and his father would take him camping and teach him about sports and girls.
Even though he hadn’t had any of that, Roman thought he’d done pretty well for himself. His friends became his family, but deep down there had always been something missing. No matter how great Carlo and Parker and the Perrys were, he supposed nothing could quite replace maternal love.
At the same time, he wasn’t sure if he could believe her. It was certainly easy to say you wanted to change, but actually changing? That was a whole different ballgame. But the scary part was, Roman really, really wanted to believe her.
“Do you really think you can change?” He stared at her, trying to feel the way a normal son would when faced with a crying parent. He couldn’t quite do it. He hadn’t thought of her as his mother for a very, very long time, and it would take a while before he could do so again.
“I can try.” Giselle sounded earnest. “And I will try my hardest. But—“ Another deep breath. “—but I’m going to need the support of my son.”
The tightness in his throat intensified. Roman knew the ball was in his court. He could either accept what she was saying and try to mend things between them, or he could just leave, go back to his safe place, and save himself the hurt that would come if everything fell apart again.
“I--“ He stopped. Giselle looked like she was about to pass out. “I suppose.” He smiled weakly but it probably came out as more of a grimace. “We both need backup if we’re going to deal with my * of a father.” That came out without thinking, and Roman winced a bit, expecting her to berate him for using foul language or talking about his dad like that.
To his surprise, Giselle laughed, a rich, creamy, genuine laugh he hadn’t heard in ages. Warmth suffused his insides at the sound, and his own smile strengthened a bit.
“He is quite an *, isn’t he?” Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
Roman stared at her in shock for a moment, before joining her in laughter. “The biggest,” he added truthfully.
“I’m so glad you came to see me,” Giselle said after their mirth died down. “I really am. So…well, I don’t want to ask for too much but…how about a hug?” She gazed at him so hopefully he didn’t quite have the heart to turn her down, so he stood up slowly and walked gingerly into her hug.
Giselle beamed, and Roman tried to adjust to the strange sensation of her arms wrapped comfortingly around him. It was completely foreign, but for once he had hope—however small—that it might become much more familiar in the future.
His lips unconsciously tugged up into a smile. He supposed he needed to give Maya one big, fat thank-you the next time he saw her.
* * *
“You bought me lingerie again?”
I stared at the crisp white shopping bag Adriana had thrust at me. LA PERLA was stamped on the front in simple black print, and I could see a sliver of lace amidst all the tissue paper.
“Of course. I’ve decided that the lingerie you got months ago is bad luck,” she declared. “Since we bought it with Parker’s card and all. Now that you’re dating Roman, you need some new stuff, bought especially for him. I mean, don’t you remember what happened during your last anniversary celebration? Or rather, lack thereof. You got kidnapped. Thus, bad luck.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “I hate to break it to you, Adri, but I was kidnapped because James is psycho, not because of the kind of underwear I was wearing.”
“That’s what you think.” Adriana pulled a bra and thong set out of the bag. They were so much skimpier than the ones I already had that I immediately blushed. “Now, go put these on. We only have two hours left to make you even more beautiful for tonight.”