Alcohol You Later (66)

I just keep picturing Ava’s little body flying through the air, reliving that awful helpless feeling of not being able to stop her fall. The thud of her body hitting the floor. Her agonizing screams.

It’s a constant loop in my mind, making it exceedingly difficult to pretend to give a shit about any of the rhetoric coming out of this woman’s mouth.

She sticks around until Ava is rolled back into the room, introducing herself to Raven and my little girl before finally taking her leave.

“What’d they say?” I ask, bounding out of the chair when Inez departs.

Raven shrugs. “It was just a test. They don’t give you the results.”

“Should she be sleeping?” I ask in a panic when her heavy lids draw shut. “I’ve always heard not to let someone go to sleep after a head injury.”

“They said it’s fine and to let her rest.”

“Okay,” I say, fingering a hand through my hair, once again pacing the room. The nervous energy bouncing around in my body won’t let me sit still.

Long minutes pass before Dr. Brown finally returns.

“Ava’s going to be just fine. She has a mild concussion and will need to be closely monitored for the next forty-eight hours. No screen-time…”

I shut my eyes, pulling in a few deep breaths. I’m zoned out, barely hearing his instructions for when we get her home.

Raven taps my leg with a clipboard. “You need to sign the discharge papers, Nick. I’m not her guardian.”

I scrawl my name near all the X’s, without taking the time to read a word of it.

Raven collects our belongings, and I lift my still-sleeping daughter from the bed, resting her head on my shoulder. I breathe her in, scenting the baby shampoo and a tinge of the alcohol from the IV they just removed from her pudgy little hand. The sight of the bloody gauze taped over the site makes my stomach drop.

We walk back through emergency, the way we came, where Ron is still waiting to bring us home.

I barely register the flashes on the way to the car.

I’m completely checked out as I strap her into her seat.

I don’t utter a single word on the way home, listening in a daze as Raven recounts everything on the phone with Korie. She arranges for Alex to sleep over with them, informing her best friend of her plans to stay on my bus so she can help take care of Ava. She even confirms on my behalf that Blain should play tonight’s show.

“We’re here.” I feel Raven’s hand on my shoulder from the back seat. “Can you get Ava?”

“Yeah.”

As if in a trance, I exit the vehicle and walk around to retrieve my daughter, who somehow is still sleeping.

“Put her in your bed,” Raven calls from behind me as we enter the bus. “We have to watch her close for the next few nights.”

I cross the living area, going all the way to the back, and set her gently on my pillow, taking a minute to watch her sleep. The sight of her little chest rising and falling with her breaths has emotion clogging my throat.

“She’s okay.” Raven smooths a hand over my back, and I try not to flinch.

“Need some air.” I tug at the neck of my shirt, suddenly feeling smothered.

Raven crosses her arms, shaking her head. “Please don’t do this, Nick. Don’t leave.”

“Just gonna go for a walk, pretty girl,” I say, brushing the hair back from her shoulder and pressing my lips to the bend of her neck. “I won’t leave the lot.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Her jaw trembles, and she sucks her tongue to her teeth, warding off tears.

“You can trust me.” It’s a bold claim, considering I don’t even trust myself at the moment.

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Whatever, Nicholas.” Raven shoves past me to the other side of the bed and climbs in beside my sleeping child. “I don’t have the energy to deal with your brand of bullshit tonight.”

The guilt her harsh words conjure isn’t enough to combat this inescapable urge burning inside me to flee. “I’m only going walk around to burn off a little steam. I’ll be back.”

Her middle finger rises from the blankets like a phoenix from the ashes.

“I love you,” I say, backing toward the door.

I linger for a second, waiting for a response that doesn’t come.





It seems like I’ve just dozed off when I feel someone shaking me. I open my eyes to find Lyle with a finger smooshed to his lips, motioning for me to follow him out of the still-dark room. It can’t be but one or two in the morning.

As I climb out of the bed, the memory of Nick taking off comes rushing back along with an overwhelming sense of panic. A lump forms in my throat as I scurry out into the hall.

“It’s Nick,” he says, further raising my alarm. My heart feels like it’s going to leap right out of my chest—my pulse echoing in my ears. My head’s swimming with visions of every possible worst-case scenario.

“Where is he?” I ask, already slipping into a pair of shoes. “Is he okay?”

“He’s on the crew’s bus…just sitting there.” Lyle shrugs, shaking his head. “He won’t talk to any of us. It’s like he doesn’t even hear a word we’re saying.”

“Will you stay with Ava?’ I stuff my phone into my pocket and turn to head for the door before he’s even answered, because I already know he’ll say yes. Lyle is nothing if not dependable.