Against the Odds (Fighting to Survive #2)(55)

Leah

I decided to wear a simple gray color dress today with long sleeves today. Robert is wearing a gray suit and a pink tie. I know the pink tie is for Jamie. I carry a small gift wrapped in birthday balloon wrapping paper with a white bow. “I hope Chelsea and Drake let her have the gift we bought for her.”

“I don’t think it’ll be a problem,” Robert lies.

“I need to use the restroom again,” I say as I hand Robert the gift.

“Leah, we’ll be late.”

“I’ll hurry.”

At the courthouse, I go into the bathroom yet again. Chelsea is walking out. Her eyes are also red and swollen and I know she feels like I do. I dry heave and then splash some water on my face. I can’t do this. I can’t go in there and deal with this. I hold back the sobs that threaten to escape my mouth.

A knock sounds at the door and I know it’s Robert. I take some deep breaths and open the door to face him. He tries to smile, but I can see the fear in his eyes, or is sadness? I can’t be sure. Probably a little of both.

We walk into the small courtroom and Bruce is already at the front table. I look to the left and Chelsea, Drake, and Madison is there with their attorney. The other only people in the courtroom are the men I recognize from the meeting who were representing the hospital. The courtroom must be closed to spectators as well.

Robert holds my hand as he walks me towards the front of the room. I feel like crying, I feel like throwing up and I feel like passing out all at the same time. Madison looks back at us when the heavy wooden door closes. Drake and Chelsea keep their attention straight ahead. I try to smile at her when our eyes meet, but she doesn’t smile. She looks frightened.

Bruce stands and greets us. He pulls out a chair for me. Robert sits on one side and Bruce sits on my other side. They are talking, but I can’t hear them. The sound of blood rushing through my veins echoes in my ears. My heartbeat is pounding and my palms are sweaty. I can’t breathe.

Someone enters the courtroom and we all stand. Robert helps me and Bruce holds on to my other arm. The judge walks in and takes his seat. I hear Chelsea begin to cry. I want to cry, too. I want to look over at her and tell her this will all be okay, but I can’t. How can it be okay? How is this going to work out to benefit anyone? If we get Madison, she’ll lose the only parents she has ever known. If they get her, she’ll miss out on all the love Robert and I have for her. I keep facing straight ahead and look at the older man in a black robe.

He talks about the baby swap and he expresses sympathy to everyone on behalf of the court. He looks at us and then to Drake and Chelsea as he gives us his condolences on losing Jamie. Chelsea and I both sob. Robert holds my hand tightly under the table. I try so hard to focus on his touch, but it’s useless. I tap my foot repeatedly on the floor unaware I am doing it until Robert tries to calm my leg with his hand.

“It’ll be all right, Leah,” he coos in my ear.

I nod but continue to cry. I don’t believe him. The black cloud is over my head. I swear I think it is smiling at me. It knows I am so close to letting go and letting it claim me. I remember how the medicine numbed me. I liked that feeling. I wish I were numbed right now. I don’t want to feel this pain, Chelsea’s pain. It’s Jamie and Madison’s birthday. Shouldn’t we all be at a birthday party celebrating? No, there is no celebrating for us. When we leave here, we’ll go to the cemetery to grieve our precious daughter.

I hear Drake talking and he talks about how much he loves Madison. He speaks about family vacations and long weekends they take together. I hear his voice cracks and it pulls at my heart strings. He talks about games, and tea parties, and family fun nights the family has. Chelsea talks between sobs about reading stories and playing dress up with Madison. She says her life wasn’t fulfilled until she had Madison. Madison speaks softly, almost in a whisper. She says she loves her Mommy and Daddy and her brother. I cry.

They love her. I never doubted that. If we get Madison, they’ll grieve the loss of Madison. I see now, it’ll be a different loss, but it’s still a painful and permanent loss all the same. I finally look over at Drake is trying to console his wife and his daughter. His daughter. Our daughter. Madison cries. She loves them. She called them Mommy and Daddy. How can I take her from them? She’s our daughter. She belongs with us. We will love her just as much as they do. I already do.


Next, it’s Robert’s turn to talk. He stands and I stand with him. We are a family and together we’ll stand as one. He is my rock and I have to be strong for him. I sniffle and wipe the tears from my eyes. I hold his hand and stand tall beside him. He tells the judge about reading Jamie nightly bedtime stories, he says how Jamie was his girl although she was my girl, too. I laugh through tears. He adds that if he could have died in that accident instead of Jamie, he would have. He wipes his tears away and I cry harder. I hate when he says that because I know it’s the truth. He would have given his life to save hers a thousand times over. I hear Chelsea cry and I can’t take it.

The judge gives me a minute before I have to speak. Robert continues to stand with me. “I loved her from the first time I saw her,” I say. I will myself to be strong. “Jamie was beautiful, and funny, and sweet. She had a stuffed rabbit that she named Jack, which she took everywhere she went. Her room is just as she left it the day that she died. It’ll be three years this month and we still can’t go in and pack her things away,” I cry. “Today is her sixth birthday and instead of celebrating her birth, we’ll be at the cemetery mourning her loss.”