Addicted to Mr Parks (The Parks Series #2)(19)
The air felt like it’d been punched out of my lungs from that simple question alone. It was a big enough impact to make me feel breathless, light-headed, and hollow all at once. “What?” I acted casual, but Parks wasn’t stupid.
“Did you think I was withholding stripping you naked just because you told me no? I knew you were uncomfortable getting naked, so I obeyed your wishes, but now I want to know why you are continuously keeping the very thing that I crave away from me.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist and began mounting the stairs to his bedroom. “It’s nothing. Leave it.” I found his bedroom and headed into the middle of the room.
“Evelyn.” Parks had followed me, and his tone was stern and demanding, stopping my feet from moving. I closed my eyes with my back to him, but I felt him nearing. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me, pressing a tender kiss to my neck. “Let me see.”
I felt the oxygen that my lungs needed wearing thin. It felt like my chest was caving in. Every single beat my heart gave felt heavier, and blood rushed through my ears, my cheeks and face. “I shouldn’t be here,” I protested, rushing over to my clothes and gathering them to leave, causing a panic to swipe through Parks.
“Don’t go,” he pleaded. “I know you’re running because you’re afraid to want this, and so am I. But I’m staying and I’m begging you not to run this time.”
I looked around his bedroom tiredly, then towards the man who was making me want him far more than I thought I would. He was right, I was afraid to want him. Afraid of being happy because happiness was a curse. I dropped my clothes, feeling mentally defeated. “There is nowhere else to run.” I had no choice but to be strong and stay. I didn’t want my fear getting the better of me anymore. I wanted to conquer my demons, but in that moment I didn’t have the energy to fight.
Parks eased towards me and pinched the hem of the baby-doll. His intention was to pull it over my body, but panic and nausea overwhelmed me.
“Please. Don’t.” Tears stabbed at my eyes as I begged him not to expose me, but the other half of me wanted to be exposed to him.
“Shit.” A panicked look swept across his face at seeing a side to me that was rare, and he pulled me into his arms. “Don’t cry, Princess. Just let me in. Tell me what you’re scared of, and I’ll make it right.”
I abruptly pushed him away from me. “I’m ugly, Parks. If you see the ugly I carry around with me, you won’t want me.”
An aggravated frown ruled his features. “There isn’t anything in this world that could make you ugly to me, Evelyn. Understand?”
My eyes closed, and for the second time in one day, I let tears fall without trying to stop them. “I feel weak when I’m exposed. You don’t get it.” I walked over to the bed, needing to take a seat. Parks followed me and bent down in front of me, resting his hands in my lap.
“I get it more than you realise, but exposure is the one thing that will make us work.” He pushed a stray tear from my eye, but I turned away so he couldn’t see me.
“I don’t want you to watch me cry.”
Parks shifted his body, cupped my jaw with his hands, and made me look at him. “Evelyn, I would rather see you cry because I know there is a reason for it. A smile can lie and tell me you’re all right when you’re not. Tell me what I can do to make it better. No more lies.”
“It’s not the lies that are going to kill us, Parks; it’s the truth. And it’s not just the physical scars that hurt. It’s the mental ones.”
“Show me them all?” he asked patiently, waiting until I could pluck up the courage that I longed for to be brave and vulnerable. I tilted my head back, forcing tears to slip back into my sockets, and with a shaky hand, I took hold of the hem of my baby-doll. Keeping my watering eyes shut, I slowly pulled up the material to expose my stomach. My fingers were trembling, my lungs inhaling and exhaling heavily as I exposed myself. The grief-stricken gasp that left Parks’s mouth caused more tears to drop from my eyes.
“Princess, how…?”
I yanked the baby-doll back over my scars and bowed my head in shame. My shoulders juddered from my cowardly crying, and the more I tried to suppress it, the more my tears became unrestrained. I refused to tell him how I got the scars that covered most of my stomach. And even if I did want to, my sobs kept my words hostage.
I heard the creek of the bed as he sat beside me, then he cupped my cheeks, making me look at him. “Are they burn scars?”
My breathing caught because I was suddenly laid bare. More open than I’d ever been. My eyes fluttered open as I swallowed the lump in my throat that had prevented me from talking. Parks gently swiped at my tears, and I nodded. He closed his eyes on a shaky breath and sank to his knees in front of me. His head was in line with my stomach, and after a deep pause, he pulled the material up over my scars, over my head, and dropped it on the floor. He gently traced over my burns with his fingers as I wept silently, watching him. Without hesitation, he placed delicate kisses along the edge of my scars. He was kind and soft, but I winced at every tender blow his lips gave my wounded skin.
“Do you…do you think I’m ugly?” I whimpered pitifully.
He immediately stopped kissing me, pulled me down onto the floor, and cradled my body in his lap. “Listen to me, Evelyn. I have never set my eyes upon such beauty until I set my eyes upon you. You are stunning, inside and out. Your beauty to me is limitless.” My tears came heavily at his statement, and I sobbed into his chest loudly. “My beautiful, brave girl, please don’t cry.”