Addicted(95)

“Same story with my brother and my grandparents. Same story with the various girlfriends I’ve had through the years. I was always good enough to f*ck, always good enough to hang out with for a while, but never good enough to stay for.”

“You’re the most eligible bachelor in California.”

“That’s because of the money, not because of me.” He says it so matter-of-factly that I know he believes it’s true. “And then you came along and I fell for you the day I met you. And I wanted to do everything right. Instead, it couldn’t have been more f*cked up if I deliberately tried.

“I kept thinking, if I could just make you love me enough. If I could just make you forget about Brandon and my mother and all the shit that came before—if I could do that, then maybe you would stay. And instead, I just kept driving you away.”

“But I always came back.”

He smiles a little. “Yeah. I don’t know why you did that.”

“Are you kidding me? The most eligible bachelor in California doesn’t know what I see in him?”

“That’s stupid. It’s just a ridiculous title some magazine thought up—”

“Maybe. But it’s also true.”

He shakes his head like he wants to be talking about anything but that article, anything but that title. “Chloe, I’m sorry. I f*cked up.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“I don’t know what else there is to say—”

“There’s not much else to say, is there? You did f*ck up, royally.”

He looks shattered at the admission, broken all to hell and back. I know what that feels like—God, do I ever—and my conscience kicks in. Because he isn’t the only one who made mistakes here and he isn’t the only one who needs to make amends.

“You f*cked up and I gave up. I walked away when I told you I wouldn’t do that again.”

“You had every right to walk away,” he tells me. “I don’t blame y—”

“Yeah, well, I blame myself. You hurt me, badly.”

“I know. I wish I could take it back, Chloe. I wish I could take it all back, baby. I love you so much it makes me stupid and afraid and weak. I love you so, was so desperate to keep you, that I ended up driving you away. I hurt you and that is something I never wanted to do, something I will regret for the rest of my life.”




It’s everything I wanted to hear, everything I needed to hear. Combined with the bracelet, and with the promise shining from his storm-tossed eyes, it’s more than enough for me. Except … it’s not enough. Not for him. Not from me.

Ethan has done his mea culpa, beautifully. He’s let me inside himself for the first time, shown me pieces of him that I didn’t even know existed.

From the moment I first met Ethan, he’s been so sure of himself, so confident, so absolutely perfect, that I’ve never imagined him as anything else. Never imagined that he could screw up this badly.

To the rest of the world, Ethan Frost is this perfect, unattainable, superhero of a man, who can leap buildings in a single bound and save the world from whatever threatens it. But here, now, in front of me? He’s just a man. Humble, beaten, terrified that he screwed up so badly that he can’t fix it.

And I love him for it. I love him for his vulnerability, which caused this whole mess, and I love him for his strength, which is going to fix it. But only if I’m strong enough to meet him half way.

And I am. Oh, God, I am. Because life without Ethan isn’t worth living. He’s my addiction, my obsession, my love. And I am his. As long as I remember that, somehow I know that everything is going to be okay.

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” I ask.

“An * who’s f*cked you over?” He finally looks at me, and his blue eyes are so sad that they send another crack right through my heart.

“Not even close.” I kiss him before I start to talk, let my mouth linger against his until I feel him shudder in relief before pulling away. “I see the most honorable man I know. I see a man who sees something wrong and tries to fix it. A man who works tirelessly to make lives better for people he doesn’t know. A man who gives so much of himself—to his work, to his causes, to me. A man who, despite all the bad stuff in his past, is determined to save the world one person, one cause, at a time.”

I kiss him again, because I can’t not kiss him. Because I want to spend the rest of my life kissing him. “I see a man who took my fear of intimacy and turned me into a raging sex addict with his tenderness and his love and his promises. A man who fought for me when I didn’t know how to fight for myself. A man who told me he loved me before I was even brave enough to say I liked him—and who told me he was going to marry me one day. A man who loved me that much. Who loved me more.”