Addicted(34)

His lips tighten and for a moment I think he’s going to back off, to step away. But then he asks, “What. Aren’t. You. Good. At?” His voice is as implacable as ever, his face set in determined lines and I know—I know—that there’s no way I’m getting out of this without talking to him. Without telling him everything, even those things I don’t want him to know.

The knowledge makes me reckless. Or maybe it’s the pain throbbing inside of me that does that. Either way, I toss my head back and all but shout, “What do you care? Why does it matter to you if I stayed at that stupid party or not? What does it matter to you what I do?”

“It matters because you ended up out here with that *. If he’d done something to you—”

“We were in full view of the restaurant,” I say dismissively. “What was he going to do?”

“You were in full view. But it only took a couple of steps for me to get you into the shadows, Chloe. Who’s to say he couldn’t have done the same thing?”

“Damn it, Ethan. Are we really going to do this? Nothing happened. Nothing. Happened. So can we please just forget it and go back inside?”

This time I do shove against his chest, and I keep shoving, until he finally steps away. He lets me walk past him, lets me almost make it back into the light before he grabs my hand.

“What were you doing out here, Chloe?” he asks for a third time. But there’s no insistence in his voice now, no anger. Just a low, aching need that reaches deep inside of me.

“I told you, it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“Why?” I’m all but pleading with him now, and I can tell from the way he locks his jaw, the way he looks away, that he can hear the entreaty in my voice.

And still he doesn’t let go of my hand.

“Because you ran away from a party I threw for people we both work with and I want to know why. Did someone do something to make you feel uncomfortable—”

“Are you kidding me with this?” I demand in a voice that sounds like I’ve been swallowing glass. “Did somebody make me feel uncomfortable? Did somebody do something to me—”

His jaw flexes. “That’s what I’m asking.”

“Jesus Christ, Ethan! I left because I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you for one more minute!”

He rears back like I hit him. “I made you feel uncomfortable?” he demands incredulously. “I didn’t even look at you.”

“Believe me, I am well aware of that,” I tell him harshly.

“Well aware of what? What the f*ck are you talking about?”

“Maybe this is normal for you. Maybe you sleep with a woman one day and then ignore her at work the next, but I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to do any of this—”

“Normal for me? You think any part of this situation is normal for me?” He grabs me by the upper arms then, his fingers gentle but insistent as he once again waits for me to look him in the eye.

“Isn’t it?”

“No, goddamnit, it isn’t! I don’t date women that I work with. You know that.”

“You dated me.”

“Because I couldn’t not date you. From the moment you walked up to me at that damn juice bar, I was completely bowled over by you. The way you stood up to me, the way you refused to cave to my demands, the way when—after you’d won—you took a sip of that stupid f*cking blueberry smoothie, just to be fair. Just because I’d wanted you to. How could I not fall for you, Chloe?” He whispers the last, and now his hands are in my hair, his mouth inches from mine. “How could I not want you?”

“You ignored me. All day today. You looked through me like I wasn’t even there.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“Why would I want that?”

“You broke up with me. You told me being with me made you think of Brandon, of what he did to you. How did you think I would react to that?”

“I don’t know, but I didn’t think you’d punish me.”

“Punish you?” He tugs on my hair, pulls me even closer to him. “I’m not trying to punish you, baby. I’m trying not to hurt you anymore. If you could have seen yourself that morning … If you could have seen what being near him did to you—”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t react the right way, Ethan. I wasn’t exactly expecting to open the door and see my rapist standing there!”