Absolution(83)

“Meaning what, exactly?”

He had to make his point and make it quickly, because he could see Jack was teetering on the brink.

“Reading between the lines? She doesn’t want you to know anything that might make you disappear again. And that means that her injury, and anything to do with it, is off limits.”

Jack stared at him for a few moments, and he could see the cogs turning in his brain.

“She doesn’t trust me,” Jack said simply.

“It’s a hell of a lot to ask, you have to admit.”

“But, I’m not gonna just – I mean, I want to stay, I told her that – I asked her what she wanted, and she said –”

“I know. But put yourself in her place. Is it any wonder? You’re not the only one she’s protecting. She’s been doing this for years. She changes the subject a lot. Anytime the conversation gets too raw, she backs off. It’s always ‘never mind’, or ‘it doesn’t matter’, or ‘let’s talk about something else’.”

Callum saw recognition in Jack’s eyes and he nodded across the table at him. “You’ve seen it too, haven’t you?”

Jack nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“It’s a diversionary tactic.”

“Why?”

Callum shrugged again, taking a sip of his whisky and waiting as it burned a trail down his throat, ending with a slow warming glow that lit up his belly. “Best I can figure is she’s trying to protect us.”

“From what?” Jack frowned.

“From whatever’s going on in her head.”

They eyeballed each other across the table for several moments and Callum tried to block out the memories of their relationship prior to the accident. He tried to concentrate on seeing Jack as a stranger sitting across from him, but the vision wouldn’t stick. He kept seeing his friend, Jack – and more disturbingly, he kept seeing Jack and Ally together, before their world turned upside down. They were happy. They were going to get married and have a house full of kids. They were in love.

Suddenly, the last four years fell away and some of the anger and resentment fell away with it, right along with the realisation that he and Ally never really had a chance together. She had been right all along. It would never have worked between them.

Jack’s the one she was always meant to be with, not me. That’s why he’s here. That’s why she wants him to stay.

The whisky felt like it had burnt a hole in his gut and a deep ache settled in, right in that exact spot.

“If you knew she was gonna do this, why’d you make me push her into talking about it?” Jack asked, his gaze fixed on the glass in front of him.

“Honestly? I guess maybe I was testing her. I figured if she could talk to you about it, then she was ready for whatever this is between the two of you. On some level, I thought since it was you asking, she might open up.”

Jack seemed to deflate in front of him. “Guess you were wrong, then. She’s not talking to me about it. And I don’t even know what to say to her half the time. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I’m just an idiot, saying the wrong thing and pissing her off.”

Callum thought of all the times over the past few years when he felt inadequate, when he thought that Jack being here would’ve made a difference.

“She’s stubborn, and tough as hell. You two have that in common.”

Jack looked dubious.

“You came back here didn’t you? And you’re still here, despite everything. She’s pushing you away because she doesn’t want you to see what she thinks are her weaknesses.” He shook his head. “Secrets. Another thing you two have in common.”

Jack opened his mouth but Callum cut him off.

“I don’t care about that, that’s something you have to work out between you, somehow. This is about her, and about you not giving up on her. She doesn’t deserve that, not after everything she’s been through. Despite what she says or does, you need to stay.”

Jack shot him a look of total disbelief. “You’ve changed your tune.”

Callum took a good long swallow of whisky and set the glass back on the table slowly, thinking. “I know that, believe me. But I’m not an idiot. I can see what’s happening here – to her, to you.” He looked over at Jack, his heart ripping open in the wake of the truth that tumbled out of his mouth. “She needs you. If she tries to tell you otherwise, she’s lying – I know it and she knows it. Tom knew it too, that’s why he never gave up on you coming home.”