A Year at the French Farmhouse(81)

Praise indeed.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, her looking out over the view, him scrolling on his phone. Then she got up. ‘Just going to make a call,’ she said. He nodded, and she made her way into the house, and took her phone up to her bedroom to make sure she wasn’t overheard.

Emily answered after a few rings. ‘Hi, Lily, how’s life en France?’

‘Surprising.’

‘Oh, do tell?’

So she told Em about Ty’s visit, and how he’d seen her come back from her night out looking dishevelled and holding a pair of shoes.

‘Talk about bad timing!’ Emily said. ‘But it must be nice to have him there.’

‘It really is,’ Lily said. ‘I mean, I don’t feel so… lonely now. I’m OK living on my own, but I’ve missed him so much. I didn’t realise how much until I saw him.’

‘Must be difficult knowing you’re so far away from him?’

‘Well, kind of. But then he’s off to uni in a few weeks – I probably wouldn’t have seen him much anyway if I’d stayed.’

‘So,’ said Emily, ‘why do you think he surprised you? Why not just book a trip and tell you to pick him up from the airport?’

‘I’m not sure. I think maybe because he came to talk about Ben.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah. Apparently, Ben’s anxiety has flared up again.’

‘Oh shit.’

‘Yeah, poor guy. And I do feel sorry for him. I want to help. But I kind of feel a bit angry too, because he must have known that Ty was going to mention it to me. And I can’t help but think he might be trying to work the situation in his favour.’

‘Really?’ Emily sounded incredulous.

‘Well, yeah. It just seems… well, Ty seemed to think I’d come running home once I knew.’

‘Oh bless him… But I doubt Ben was thinking that way.’

‘You don’t think?’

‘Well, no. I don’t know how Ben is when he’s feeling low, but you know I’ve had my moments over the years…’

‘Uh huh,’ Lily nodded. When Emily had had a series of miscarriages in her thirties, she’d experienced such a slump in mood that she’d barely been able to get out of bed. It had taken six months and antidepressants to get her back on her feet.

‘Well, I can tell you from my perspective, that when I was down, all my energy was focused on just trying to cope. Just trying to get through the day. I didn’t have the energy or willpower, or even presence of mind, to really try to manipulate anyone.’

‘True…’ Lily thought back to Ben’s last episode over a decade ago. He’d managed to keep working, but really struggled just to keep himself on track. Perhaps she’d judged him too harshly. ‘You’re probably right,’ she said.

‘Darling, I am always right,’ said Emily, sounding more like her usual self. ‘So what are you going to do?’

‘Well, I’ll call him, or try to at least. And maybe if I think he needs me to, I’ll ring Baz or his mum or something. Make sure someone’s keeping an eye.’

‘Do you want me to pop over and see him?’

‘Oh.’ Lily hadn’t thought of that. ‘Well, actually yes. If you don’t mind?’

‘Not at all. I can make up some sort of excuse for being there if you like? So he doesn’t feel too… well, exposed?’

‘If you can think of one.’

‘You forget who you’re talking to. I am the queen of excuses!’

‘Thank you, Emily. I think I’ll feel a lot better with your take on the situation.’

‘No problem. It’s weird but when I had those horrible months, what surprised me most was the people who came through for me, and the people who didn’t. It turned my world upside down – friends I thought were… well, proper friends turned out not to be quite so reliable. And then my neighbour – do you remember? – Pat. She was round most mornings for a coffee. We never really spoke about it, but we both knew why she was there.’

‘Yes, I remember. She was great.’

‘Exactly. So that’s who I’ll be, for Ben. If he needs me that is. His weird but present neighbour.’

‘Thank you.’ Lily felt a weight lift from her. It would have been hard to call Ben’s mum at the moment, and she’d never really seen eye to eye with Baz. Having someone on her team to check up on Ben would work wonders putting her mind at ease.

‘Anyway, I have to ask. How did the date go? And, come to think of it, why were you walking back on your own, wearing last night’s clothes?’

Lily blushed, although there was no one to see her. ‘It’s not what you think,’ she said. ‘He was a proper gentleman. I mean, we kissed. But nothing else. I was too drunk, he said.’

‘So he’s a good guy.’

‘A very good guy.’

‘Or maybe just worried that you might vomit on him or something.’

‘Well, that’s always a possibility…’

‘Ha. And the kiss was…?’

‘Kiss-es.’

‘Ooh, and they were…?’

‘Heavenly. Honestly, I felt about eighteen again – I’d forgotten how exciting it was to be in the beginning of a relationship, the kind of thrill of not really knowing how it’s going to go.’