A Year at the French Farmhouse(107)

The sky, that had been darkening slightly, rumbled as if in sympathy. A single drop of rain fell on the ground between them.

‘It’s OK,’ Frédérique said, his expression kind. ‘You do not ’ave to explain.’

‘But I do,’ she said. ‘Because you’ve done all this. And it’s so, so wonderful. And you deserve so much better. But I couldn’t say yes to your proposal, or even a proper date, when deep down I know that if Ben was to walk through the door right now, I’d take him back without question.’

There was a silence. Frédérique’s eyes became distant as he focused over her shoulder and she wondered whether he was trying not to cry. Her guests, standing taking in the spectacle, broadcast to all over loudspeaker, fell silent too, as if in sympathy. The only noise was from Claudine, grabbing on to Sam’s dress and crying ‘Mum!’ urgently.

Then she heard it – a light step behind her.

‘Do you really mean that?’ someone asked.

She recognised his voice instantly. ‘Ben?’ she said, turning and seeing her husband for the first time in weeks. She scrambled to her feet, eyes wide with shock.

He looked thinner, a little pale, rumpled from the journey. But absolutely, 100 per cent there. Behind him in the kitchen doorway, she could see Emily, who gave her a small shrug and smile.

‘Ben!’ she said. ‘Why are you… when did you…?’

The rain started to fall more heavily now and Derek and Claudine began to scream and run for cover. The rest of the guests, though, seemed transfixed.

‘Lily, I’m so sorry. I’ve been a complete prat,’ he said. ‘I didn’t talk to you when I should have. I didn’t tell you what was going on. I was scared and embarrassed.’

‘Oh, Ben.’

‘And in doing so, I lost the most important person in my life. The thing I was most scared of in the world happened and it was because of me.’

She shook her head, ‘But…’

‘No, wait,’ he said, his hair beginning to sag under the weight of falling droplets. ‘And I thought at first that perhaps it was no more than I deserved. But then, when I began to get better, I realised that you didn’t ever really leave me.’

There was a loud scrape as Frédérique got up and put the microphone down. Lily reached to touch his arm and they looked at each other briefly. He nodded, with a sad smile, before disappearing into the kitchen.

She wanted to make sure he was all right, but she couldn’t move. Didn’t want to move.

‘Ben…’ she said.

‘Please,’ he answered. ‘Hear me out. All those times when you spoke about moving in the past, I was scared – I’ll admit it. But good scared. Excited scared. I wasn’t sure whether I’d like it, whether it would work out.’

‘But…’

‘But I knew that it was something I’d do with you – because it was important to you. I never… in my wildest dreams I’d never imagined I’d let you walk away.’

‘Oh Ben.’ She rubbed his upper arm with her hand and their faces moved closer together. She looked into his eyes and felt suddenly more at home than she had for months. She felt the jagged edges of her jigsaw piece mould with his until finally everything made sense.

‘I was kind of stuck in a rut at work, but also worried about what might happen if I got out of the rut… I dunno. I never really realised I was so… so stuck until you walked away and I just couldn’t follow you.’

‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘Really.’

‘I thought… I guess I felt like it was too late. And then you said what you said… You said to come. To be with you. And I realised that perhaps it wasn’t too late after all.’

She smiled, feeling a mixture of rain and tears on her cheeks.

‘I need to ask you to forgive me,’ Ben continued.

‘You don’t have to…’

‘Yes, I do. The things I could have said and done, the way I made you feel. That’s on me. And I need to know – can you forgive me, Lily?’ Rain was running down his face, but she was pretty sure he was crying too.

She looked into his eyes, drinking him in, barely feeling the now driving rain. ‘Ben Butterworth,’ she said. ‘You’re already forgiven.’

‘You really mean that?’

‘You know I do.’

Smiling slightly, his eyes shining, he leaned forward and kissed her mouth softly. And there wasn’t the fizz of excitement she’d felt with Frédérique, but a deep connection that rooted her to this man, this moment. Something that wasn’t instantaneous but had grown and strengthened from years and years of being together, of being in love.

In the background, she was aware that her sodden guests had begun to clap.

‘You should have said “You had me at hello!”’ Emily said, as she appeared at Lily’s side and gave her a quick squeeze. ‘Haven’t you watched any rom-coms lately?’

Lily smiled. ‘Sorry,’ she said, rain saturating her hair, running down her shoulders, turning her dress into cling film. ‘But then, we had our happy ending years ago. Then years of real life. And now, well this is something even Richard Curtis couldn’t top.’