A Whole New Crowd(34)

His SUV was blocked by other cars. I climbed inside while Tray took his phone out and called someone. A little while later, three guys came out with keys and moved the cars. Then Tray climbed in beside me and backed out onto the road.
We drove in silence, just like before until he pulled up to his place and cut the engine.
Once we were inside, he went to the refrigerator, and I sat at the table. No lights were turned on. I was starting to realize Tray enjoyed living in the dark, but the light from the refrigerator flooded the room as he grabbed two beers. He came over to the table, sat across from me and slid a can to me. The room had gone back to the darkness again, and I shivered. It was like a blanket had been thrown over us. I’d been raw since my visit with Jace, and this was what I needed.
One night. I already made up my mind. One night and Tray Evans would be out of my system. We could be friends after that. Maybe? I wasn’t sure.
He leaned back in his chair and opened his can. The sound was jarring in the silence between us, and I jumped, then gritted my teeth. Of course he was going to open his beer. I should’ve been expecting that, but I was so overwhelmed with so many emotions. They were swirling all inside of me. Lust. Desire. Fear. Pain. Those four were the main ingredients that made me, mixed with fury. A counselor told me when I was younger that I had an unhealthy amount of anger inside of me. She’d been kind. It was fury, and it made me who I was. It was my foundation, but I didn’t count it. It was just there. Always would be.
“You have some messed up relationships.”
My eyes jumped to his, and my heart leapt in my chest. “What?”
He was watching me. The darkness didn’t matter. He could see through me anyway. He put his beer on the table and leaned back again. “You. Your ex. Jace Lanser. What is it with you and those guys?”
“They’re my family.”
He didn’t comment.
“They were my family.”
“Was there something going on with you and Lanser?”
“Brian.”
“Jace.”
Oh. “I was with Brian.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Why are you asking that?”
“Because I was in the room with you two. It seemed like more than some nice family thing you think you had going on.” He leaned forward, his tone turned hard.
“It’s none of your business, if there was.” I sighed and shook my head. “I was with Brian. There was nothing going on with Jace, and besides, my relationships with both of them are done. I was given explicit instructions to stay the hell away.”
Tray started laughing. “I didn’t think you were like most girls.”
“Really?” My chest tightened from tension. What the hell did that mean?
“Most girls are dumb. Guys are *s, but girls tend to romanticize that shit.”
“Aren’t you an *?”
“Yeah.” He never looked away. He never wavered. The truth was right there for me to see. “I am and every single girl thinks she’s the exception, that I’m going to change for her, but it never works. No girl will control me. The more I make that known, the more chicks I have coming onto me. You,” he lifted his beer to me again, “I thought you were different. I thought you knew what an * was and that an * will stay an *.”
“I’m an *,” I said quietly, and it was the truth. “I’m the one they want to change.”
“But you won’t be changed?”
I shook my head. “Brian tried to make me dependent on him. He wanted one of those weak girls.” Shit, this hurt to admit. “He’ll be better off without me. He can be with someone who needs him more, who makes him feel—”
“Powerful?”
He understood. That knowledge settled deep in me, and I nodded. “Yeah.”
He was still watching me, seeing inside of me. “And Lanser?”
I wasn’t confused anymore. I knew who he meant. “Jace was family because I was with Brian. That was all. He was tied to his brother and his dad because of blood, but if he could live without them, he would.” That meant without me too. I had never accepted that truth, but I had known it. It’d been there, one of those truths I ignored. “He leads the Panthers, and he’s involved with that world. He wants me out.”
“Are you out?”
He wasn’t asking for my benefit. The need for him had been there between us from the beginning, and it had grown until I couldn’t handle it. I knew why he was asking, but instead of answering his question, I said, “This is uncomfortable.”
The air shifted once more. It was the first time this thing between us was being addressed.