A Whole New Crowd(113)

Then he pulled away and left. I didn’t turn for Tray. I didn’t need to be comforted. I knew what was happening. That old chapter in my life just walked out the door. It was done. There were nothing left to be resolved.
“You okay?” Tray asked me, standing beside me.
I nodded. “Yeah.” I reached for his hand. I was okay. I would be okay. Hell, I would be more than okay. I was strong. I was a survivor. I felt ready to take on the world. Feeling that rush of adrenalin, I squeezed Tray’s hand.
He was my home now.



EPILOGUE

“Matthews, you’re diving in five minutes.” My coach patted my shoulder as he walked past me.
My teammate laughed next to me. “Way to give us a pep talk.” She swung her fist in the air, giving me the thumbs up sign. “That’s our coach for you.”
I laughed, but I couldn’t ignore the knots in me. My stomach was twisted up like a pretzel. We were in the semifinals at Columbia. My dive could seal a win for our team or finalize our loss. No pressure at all.
We were standing against the wall as a diver soared into the water. It was a near perfect execution. My teammate swore beside me. “Goddamn.”
Her legs were off, but only a slight inch. I could beat her. I knew it.
Then the assistant coach waved me over. She patted my shoulder and murmured, “Did you see that?”
I nodded. I couldn’t talk.
She patted me again. “You can do this, Matthews. You’ve helped bring us this far.”
She was right. I told myself that as I started up the ladder. I was going all the way to the top. The crowd began to become smaller around me and I could see over everyone. This is when I paused, half way up, and scanned the crowd. People asked me why I did this, but I never told my secret. This was my thing to do. Every time, no matter what competition, I always looked through the crowd. It had been a year since Jace disappeared. I wanted to see if I could see him, and there was another slight hope that if I did, I would imagine Brian with him in spirit. It was dumb, but it was a small wish I had. I knew I could imagine Brian’s presence with me and at times, I felt him, but pretending he would be alongside Jace—that was a gift I wanted to see just once.
Like all the other competitions, I didn’t see him. Pushing forward, I got to the top and rolled my head around. I lifted my arms in a circling motion, loosening my shoulders. Stepping forward onto the platform, I started my other tradition, the one that was the most important. I would look through the crowd again, but I wasn’t looking for Jace. The pool was rippling beneath me, beckoning for me to join her, but I ignored her and searched for Tray. My time on top of the platform was only for him.
He was leaning forward, his hazel eyes focused only on me. A few girls were beside him, sneaking peeks at him. The one next to him was staring right at him with a flirtatious grin tugging at her lips. They were trying to get his attention, but like so many other times, his eyes were solely trained on me. We shared a look, his eyes darkened, and a small grin teased over his face. A rush of excitement moved my nerves aside. My body reacted. It wouldn’t be long until I would feel his body against mine. His hands would be in mine and he would move inside of me. We would be home again, with each other. Tray was my new home.
Mandy was next to him. I didn’t look at her or Austin. They had both come to support me. Shelly asked to come, but I still wasn’t ready to open that door. She remained with Kevin and I could never forgive him.
I heard the signal. They were waiting for my dive so I went to the edge of the platform.
I didn’t see the pool below. I imagined my hardest dive, and I was brought back to the day in the tunnel. In my mind, I dove from there hundreds of times by now and every time I conquered the fall. I closed my eyes, then flexed my legs, and kicked off. As I completed my dive, my body was perfect. I soared into the pool and when I kicked out, bringing my body right back to the surface, I didn’t need to hear the roar of the crowd.
I knew I had won.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I need to thank two people particularly that helped me get this book out into publication, my editor Ami Johnson and Jay McLean. Ami is the one who emailed and offered to edit this monster (and it was one because it over 150,000 words before I took it to task) for free just so she could own it on her Kindle one day. I laughed, thought she was ridiculous, but sent her the manuscript anyway. That was over an entire year, maybe even a year and a half ago. She did it. It took her a long time (I wasn’t rushing, I couldn’t believe she was actually doing it) and then she sent me an email eight months later and told me it was in my inbox. I hate to admit it, but that book sat in my inbox for a long time before I finally pulled it back up. I just wasn’t ready to tackle it because I knew it would need so much work, but (I’m pretty sure) after a night of chatting with Jay McLean, I learned that she used to love this book when it was posted on Fictionpress for free reading. My mind was blown. She had read it? Then she went on to tell me how much she loved the book and it got me going. I was bound and determined to tackle these edits and get it published. I projected two weeks. I was so stupid. It took me three months. I’m still shaking my head at my insanity, but it’s done and those two helped bring it into fruition.