A Spy's Devotion (The Regency Spies of London #1)(65)
But this was not Mr. Langdon’s responsibility, nor even something he needed to know. To tell him would be to ask for his help, and that would be improper—a young unmarried woman asking the help of a young unmarried man who was wholly unconnected to her.
“But I promise,” Mr. Langdon said, leaning even closer to her, her heart fluttering at the concern in his eyes, “I shall keep a closer watch on you. I would never forgive myself if your uncle did something evil to you.”
He stared down at her hand lying on the coverlet. His hand moved toward it, as if about to clasp hers, and then stopped. “I want you to know that—”
The door opened. Mr. Langdon withdrew his hand and sat back, a strange look on his face, as Leorah came into the room and held up the book.
“I found it. It was in the music room.” She paused, staring at her brother, and then smiled a slow, knowing smile. She stepped forward and gave the book to Julia. “I hope you will be well enough to enjoy reading it.”
“I’m sure I shall. Thank you.”
The atmosphere was suddenly awkward as Leorah seemed to look at her brother with both amusement and approval. But surely Leorah knew that her brother could not have an interest in marrying Julia. He had no fortune, and Julia was destined to be a governess. But Leorah was the kind of person to believe that anything was possible. Julia’s life had taught her to be more practical.
Two days later, Leorah was sitting by Julia’s bed. Leorah said some cheerful words about the weather and the fact that the Season would soon be over and she would be returning to her family’s country estate in Lincolnshire.
But Julia was thinking about how much Leorah and Mr. Langdon had done for her. They had even loaned their footman, Barnes, to spend every night in the house so that they were not without a male protector.
“I am so grateful to you, Leorah,” Julia said, “and to your entire family, for all you have done for me while I’ve been sick.”
“You are a most delightful girl, Julia, and it is my pleasure to take charge of you—mine and my brother’s, Cora’s, and Polly’s. If you thought for a moment that we do not wish to care for you as our very own, then you are gravely mistaken.” She said these last words so softly, so tenderly, that Julia couldn’t help but believe her. But had Leorah truly meant to include her brother when she said they were pleased to take charge of her? Julia hadn’t seen Mr. Langdon for the last two days.
“People may hear of my illness. Word could get back to Mr. and Mrs. Wilhern, and they will wonder why I haven’t written.”
“You are not well enough to write, Julia. Depend upon it, when they discover how seriously ill you have been, and how you were left nearly alone in the house, they will be wracked with remorse.”
Would they? She had always longed for their love, had tried so hard to earn it by being good and prudent and respectable, by helping Phoebe in every possible way, by showing she was grateful to them for taking her in and providing every advantage of society and education.
Now the prospect of their love was impossible, as she had betrayed them so completely by turning over evidence of Mr. Wilhern’s treasonous activities.
“You must rest and recover from this. When you are quite well you shall come visit me in Lincolnshire, and I shall visit you and Phoebe in Warwickshire.”
Julia expressed her joy at the prospect of the visits, but of course, it could never be.
Later that week, while Julia continued her recovery, Leorah regaled her with a story from the day before, of how she had ridden her horse in Hyde Park and almost run down a somber-looking gentleman. He’d seen her coming and had sprung out of the way as if he were certain she meant to do him harm. In doing so, he had lost his hat, which went rolling into the path of an oncoming carriage. The man had been furious, accusing Leorah of being wild and completely without propriety.
“Truly, I was sorry to have caused him to spoil his hat,” Leorah said, “but he looked as if he could afford a new one. Besides, he had plenty of time to move out of my way. He shouldn’t have jumped aside so suddenly as to lose his hat. My horse wouldn’t have hit him if he’d only stood still. When he insulted me in that haughty manner, I ceased to feel sorry for him.”
Julia laughed quietly, and it didn’t even cause a coughing fit.
What would it be like to be Leorah, completely free and easy with her manners and behavior, unafraid of what anyone might say about her conduct, unfettered by society’s rules when they seemed silly to her? Julia had never felt free and easy a day in her life. She had always concerned herself with society’s rules, obeying and conforming so that her aunt and uncle would approve of her, paying the utmost attention to what she said and did to ensure she had the best chance at an advantageous marriage. And yet how little benefit it had been to her.
Still, Julia couldn’t quite imagine throwing caution to the wind and behaving like Leorah.
At one time, she had thought her decorous behavior was the only kind that would please God. But she couldn’t imagine God being displeased with Leorah. Leorah was kind and good and completely without artifice or ill will. She was energetic and didn’t always conform to polite society’s idea of how a young lady should conduct herself, but perhaps those things had nothing to do with achieving God’s approval. Didn’t God see inside a person’s heart and judge them for their thoughts and motives? God’s ways were not man’s ways. It was starting to seem obvious to her that polite society’s rules and God’s requirements were completely different.