A Curve in the Road(43)

“Ah.” I nod soberly.

“After she was gone,” he continues, “it was difficult, trying to raise two young daughters on my own and keep the clinic going at the same time. Her parents didn’t really want to be involved. They were older and had just retired to Florida the year before, so my parents convinced me to come home and open an animal hospital here.”

“It’s a wonderful place to raise children,” I say with certainty.

“Yes, and it was their idea to renovate this place, since they had more space than they knew what to do with. They’re seniors now, so I pay them rent, which helps them out financially, and they want nothing more than to spend time with their grandkids, so everybody’s happy.” He gives me a sympathetic look. “Listen, it does get easier. It may not seem like it now, but it will.”

“That’s good to know. Because it’s hard to imagine anything ever being easy again. Not in this lifetime.”

He runs his hand down the back of Winston’s head. “Just make sure you ask for help when you need it and say yes when people offer. Like if a neighbor offers to mow your lawn, they want you to say yes. It makes them feel good to know they’re helping somehow. It’s just as much for them as it is for you. Let them help.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” I reply, “but I don’t think anyone can truly help me with the worst of my problems. I’m dealing with bigger issues than just taking care of my lawn.”

He considers this. “You’re talking about the big bottomless pit of grief? The loneliness?”

My eyes lift, and I find myself wanting to vent all my woes. Maybe it’s because this man is an outsider—someone unbiased who never knew Alan and me as a couple. “Not exactly.”

He inclines his head, curious.

“I learned something today,” I finally tell him as I stroke the soft fur around Winston’s neck. “Although maybe I always knew there was something wrong. I just didn’t want to face it.”

“What was that?”

Winston opens his eyes, looks up at me for a few seconds. I bend forward and kiss the top of his head, and he closes his eyes again.

“Today I learned that my husband was having an affair.”

Nathan’s eyebrows lift. “Oh God, that’s awful. How did you find out?”

“Well . . . after he got behind the wheel with a blood alcohol level of 0.33 and nearly killed me on the highway—and Winston too—his secret lover decided it was a good idea to sneak in and out of the funeral home before the wake and then skulk around at the burial, basically alerting me to the fact that he was leading a double life.”

Nathan shakes his head in disbelief. “Did she tell you who she was?”

“No, but I already knew her from high school, and my spider senses were tingling. Today she confessed everything.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? It was going on for three years, and he managed to keep it secret the whole time. I didn’t suspect a thing, which makes me feel like a complete fool. Now I’m questioning everything about our relationship. Oh, and on top of that, he recently found out that he had terminal cancer. He didn’t tell me that either.”

I don’t mean to sound glib, but that’s how it all comes pouring out, and I feel like I’m describing a soap opera on TV. The fact that this is my life is surreal, especially to me.

I glance up and discover that Nathan is watching me with a frown. Almost immediately, my eyes fill with tears, and I back away from the gurney. I press my fingers to my lips to try and stop the floodgates from opening again, because I’ve done enough crying. I’m tired of blubbering, and I don’t want to fall apart anymore.

I move to a chair and sit down.

Nathan drags another chair to face mine and sits down before me. “I’ve heard of bad days before, but this really takes the cake.”

“I should get a prize.”

“You deserve one.”

He leans forward and takes hold of both my hands. “All that and Winston too. No wonder you fainted.”

I say nothing for a moment, and then I express what’s at the top of my mind. “The problem is . . . I don’t know what I should tell my son. I’m afraid that if I don’t say anything, he’s going to find out somehow or see right through me. That’s why I prefer not to go home right now. It’s hard enough for him to accept that his father was drinking and driving, because that’s not something he would ever do—or so we thought. And Zack’s such a good kid. We raised him to be responsible and obey the law. Drinking and driving . . . there’s just no excuse for that. It’s unforgiveable, right? I was shocked that Alan did that, and I wanted answers. But this—the lies about his three-year affair . . . how do I hide that from my son? And should I?”

“I don’t know,” Nathan says. “I mean . . . is this something he needs to know?”

I inch forward slightly. “No, I don’t think so, because it would only cause Zack more pain, and I want to protect him from that. But what if he finds out somehow?”

I glance away, toward the surgery suite behind a wall of glass, where the lights are turned off. “I’m feeling Alan’s betrayal along with the pain of losing him in the accident, and it’s been hell. I wish I’d never found out about the affair. Now that he’s gone, what’s the point? It’s not something we can ever work out. He can’t explain himself to me or apologize or make me feel better about our relationship, which was something he was always so good at doing. Despite what you might think, we had a happy marriage. We never fought, and he was my best friend. We were an amazing team as parents. We were always on the same page. We wanted the same things out of life. At least I thought we did.”