ALL THE RAGE (writer: T.M. Frazier)(61)

He wore a tight black T-shirt and faded jeans. They sat low on his hips. His ab muscles flexed through the thin fabric of his shirt. His jaw was scruffy. He was barefoot. The only thing that looked different since I’d seen him last was the addition of dark circles under his eyes. He looked tired.

And angry.

Between the two of us, the anger was palpable, radiating off our bodies like mist rising on a hot night.

My gaze again dropped to his gun.

“Is this what you’re looking at?” Nolan asked, waving the gun in his hand but not aiming it at me. “If it bothers you, I’ll just get rid of it.” He turned and tossed the gun into the dark yard.

“That was f*cking stupid.”

He shook his head slowly from side to side. “You know, I planned something different at first. The Warrior part of me thought the best way to deal with you was to put you down, like I would any rat.” His nostrils flared. “But I came up with a punishment I think I’ll enjoy much…much better.”

“Tell me where the f*ck my parents are!” I yelled. Nolan had about ten seconds before I was no longer in control of my trigger finger.

“They’re alive and unharmed, and that’s all you need to know…for now,” Nolan said taking a step toward me.

I aimed the gun higher at his chest, and suddenly it hit me that it didn’t feel natural like it always had, like an extension of my arm. Instead, it hung heavy off my wrist and I wanted nothing more than to chuck it into the f*cking backyard like Nolan had his.

But I didn’t

I couldn’t.

Could I?

Nolan took another step then reached for my gun. I tried to squeeze the trigger, but it was like my finger wouldn’t listen to my brain, rebelling against me.

Just like my emotions have since second Nolan rolled his way into my life.

My empty life.

“What? You can’t do it? I heard you were ruthless. A f*cking killer. The Angel of Death,” Nolan challenged, grabbing the barrel of the gun and pushing it into his chest. “You want to kill me? Then do it. Just f*cking do it! I’m not gonna run away like you did.” He lowered his voice. “Not ever.”

“Don’t be stupid, Nolan,” I said, “or should I call you Goon?” I needed to just pull the trigger and walk away. Find my parents. This should’ve been easy.

This job. This life. This boy.

None of it was the way it was supposed to be anymore.

Not since the day I pulled him from the pool.

Nolan leaned over, his cool breath against my cheek. “If you wanted to shoot me, you would have already done it.” He glanced down at the gun then back up at me. “You don’t want to shoot me.”

“Maybe I’m just lining up my shot,” I argued.

“Fine then, let me help you,” Nolan growled, dropping to his knees and pressing the gun against his forehead. I looked down to meet his eyes again and expected to see anger, but all I saw was hurt.

“Rage, f*cking do it. Shoot me if that’s what you really f*cking want!” Nolan roared, his face turning red.

Something inside of me snapped.

I can’t do this.

Not now.

Not to him.

Not ever.

“You’ve already aimed the gun, just pull the f*cking trigger,” he spat, jerking the gun against him even harder.

No.

Pulling the gun from his grip, I tossed it out into the yard the same way he had and did the only thing I seemed to be good at anymore.

I ran.

I ran into the woods as fast as I could, past the clearing where I’d met Smoke, past the tree where I’d taken out my early aggressions. When I reached the man-made lake, I hopped the metal rowboat Cody and I had tied up there when we were kids was still there. When I reached the end, I knelt down and much to my disappointment, the end of the rope was frayed and there was no boat to be seen. The trees rustled nearby, followed by heavy footsteps on the rickety pier that vibrated underneath my feet.

“What you don’t seem to understand is that it doesn’t matter how far you run. It won’t change a f*cking thing. Until you realize what matters, all your running is going to do is just piss me the f*ck off!”

“What matters?” I asked, standing to face him. “What the f*ck are you talking about?”

“All that matters right now is standing right f*cking here,” Nolan said, his voice thick and deep. His eyes were the darkest I’d ever seen them, glimmering with wicked intent. One side of his full lips curled upward in a devilish smirk.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I was consumed by him.

Or at least, from the way he continued to f*ck me with his eyes, I knew I was about to be.

Nolan took a step forward and I took two back. Our little dance made him chuckle, the sound coming from deep within his throat. With just that little laugh, my insides clenched so hard I gasped.

Nolan’s smirk grew into a knowing smile. His eyes darted to the space between my legs where my shorts had ridden up, exposing every inch of my shaking thighs.

He licked his bottom lip, tracing it with the tip of his tongue.

My inner battle raged on between wanting to run away from him, and wanting to run straight into him. Although, it wasn’t like it mattered which option won out in the end. The pier was narrow, and Nolan was blocking my only way out.