Yours for Christmas (Fool's Gold #15.5)(34)

Bailey nodded and got in her car. On the drive back to Fool’s Gold, she thought about what Taryn had suggested. While Bailey knew that Kenny was afraid of getting involved with her, she’d never considered that he might not know how she felt. She’d never hinted that her liking had turned into something else.

Would that change things? Would he be willing to take a chance if he knew she loved him? There was only one way to find out. Unfortunately it meant laying her heart on the line.

For the next hour Bailey tried to figure out what to do. In between Christmas carols sung loudly with the Sprouts, she considered her options.

When they reached Brew-haha, several of the parents were waiting. The girls ran inside and shared what had happened at the shelter. Patience, the owner, had hot chocolate and cookies waiting for them. Bailey took Taryn aside.

“I want to go talk to Kenny,” she whispered. “This is going to go on for at least an hour. Do you mind if I duck out for a bit?”

“Go,” Taryn urged her. “I’ll stay with Chloe. If you’re not back by the time this wraps up, I’ll take her to Noelle’s store. It’s always fun to watch the shoppers the Saturday before Christmas.”

Bailey hugged her friend. “You’re the best.”

“I know. It’s a burden, but one I’ve learned to live with.” Taryn gave her a little push. “Go!”

Bailey did as instructed. She told Chloe she was going to run an errand, then ducked out of the store and hurried toward Kenny’s house. It had snowed a couple of days ago, then warmed up enough for the streets and sidewalks to clear. The few snowmen in the yards were melting. But the weather was supposed to cool down again at the beginning of the week and it looked like they might have a white Christmas after all.

Bailey still wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to say when she got to Kenny’s place, but she rang the bell anyway. She tried not to be intimidated by the large house.

It took him nearly a minute to answer. When he did, she saw the shadows under his eyes.

He didn’t speak and neither did she. She took in the old L.A. Stallions sweatshirt and worn jeans. He looked like he hadn’t shaved or slept, for that matter. Was it possible he was missing her as much as she was missing him?

“I need to speak to you,” she said at last.

He stepped aside to let her in.

She walked into the foyer of the big, two-story house. She could see a living room and part of a dining room, but that was all. Not that the house mattered. It was just that now she was here, she was nervous. And scared. But she was also determined.

He shoved his hands into his front pockets and waited.

She’d been hoping for a little encouragement, but apparently that wasn’t happening. He still hadn’t spoken. Was he too polite to simply tell her to get out?

She drew in a breath. “I want to say something. It may not make a difference, but maybe it will. When I’m done, I’m going to leave. I don’t want you to say anything. That should be easy, seeing as you’re not talking now.”

She paused to see if that comment would spur him to action. It did not.

“Okay, then,” she murmured. “Here goes. Like I said, I don’t want you to respond. I would ask that you think about what I am about to say. I want you to consider it and live with it and then come to a conclusion.”

She suddenly realized she hadn’t thought this through at all. How was he supposed to tell her no, in a way that wouldn’t crush her soul? Or be heard in front of the whole town or something?

“If I don’t hear back from you by, um, New Year’s, I’ll know that you’re not interested. Or that you don’t agree. Or whatever.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The words, quietly spoken, caused the nerves in her stomach to start doing laps.

“I know. I’m getting to that. You need to not talk again, okay?”

He nodded.

She laced her fingers together and twisted them around. Was she a fool for thinking he could care about her? Were they too different? Was he too much the athletic superstar? She was just a single mom with a kid. And there was the weight thing. Did he think she was fat?

She told herself to get out of her head and into the moment. She loved this man. If she wanted to have a chance with him, she had to tell him that.

“I don’t know exactly what happened,” she began. “Why you disappeared. I know it has something to do with Chloe and me. Maybe you’re thinking you’ve gotten too close. That if you care, you could be hurt. If you do care, then that’s true. But it’s also true that you could hurt us, too.”

She paused to gather her thoughts. She wasn’t sure how to convince him, but not trying was no longer an option.

“I want to say that I loved Will desperately until he died, but that’s not true. We were drifting apart when he was killed. I don’t know if it was because he was gone so much or if we simply grew up and apart. But whatever my feelings, Will was a good man and I want his daughter to know that about him.”

She found herself staring at the center of Kenny’s chest and forced her chin up until she was looking into his eyes. She couldn’t read anything there, but that was okay. She was going to get through this.

“You’re right—I am a package deal. You’ll never be Chloe’s biological father and the possibility exists that if something happened between you and I, then you would be at risk of losing another child you’d come to care about. I know that has to be really scary. I want to tell you I know how you feel, but we both know I don’t. I can’t. But here’s what I do know. I know that you’re a wonderful person. You’re caring and gentle and funny and kind. You are the kind of person others admire. You make my heart beat faster whenever you’re around and you make me feel safe.”