Wulfe Untamed (Feral Warriors #8)(10)

Natalie had already been through so much, even if she didn’t remember most of it. She wasn’t supposed to be in danger anymore, yet in his gut he felt it circling around her. The need to protect her clawed at his insides.

Somehow, he had to get her to let him in.

As the rain pattered against her kitchen windows, Natalie dropped the last teaspoonful of apple-spice cookie dough onto the baking sheet in front of her, slipped the cookie sheet into the oven, and set the timer. Baking had always been her comfort activity, that and work, and both were getting her through now. In the month since the incident, she’d made a dozen cakes, two dozen pans of brownies, and at least sixteen different cookie recipes. Her neighbors were starting to complain that she was trying to fatten them up, but she had to do something with the fruits of her crisis since she ate few sweets herself.

And there was no doubt she was in crisis. Especially after this morning.

Leaning back against the kitchen counter, she wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, fighting back the thoughts that constantly flayed her—the days she had no memory of, the police investigation that continued to go nowhere. And the pounding, grinding grief. The police believed Xavier was dead, and she refused to accept that, but where was he?

She blinked back the tears that burned her eyes and turned to the sink to wash her mixing bowls. Her gaze caught on the package of Oreos, drawing a bemused smile and a disbelieving shake of her head. What had made the teen come to her door selling store-bought cookies? He’d almost certainly been up to something though she hadn’t sensed anything malicious. She’d detected a faint accent in his voice, so perhaps he’d been an immigrant or exchange student looking for a little extra cash and going about it in an odd way. Or he might have been a drama student having a little lighthearted fun with her. She probably wouldn’t have actually bought the cookies, but she’d always been very, very good at reading eyes, and in his she’d seen a wealth of kindness.

She loved looking at people’s eyes. Perhaps because she was an optometrist. Or maybe that was part of the reason she’d become an optometrist in the first place. She’d never been entirely sure. But from the day her youngest brother had been born blind, she’d been fascinated with eyes.

Oh, Xavier, how I miss you.

The ache beneath her breastbone pulsed so harshly it nearly doubled her over, the grief overwhelming her in that instant. Breathe. Just breathe.

Slowly, she pushed past it and began to clean up the kitchen. By the time she was done, the smell of freshly baking cookies filled the air but did little to tempt her. After what had happened this morning, her appetite was well and truly gone. She’d done the right thing, she knew that. But never in her life had she felt so alone.

If only her mom were in town. Picking up the phone, she made the call she’d been putting off all day.

“Natalie,” her mother said, her voice breathless with both hope and dread as it always was these days. “Any news?”

“Not about Xavier.” If only she had some good news to share. “Rick and I called off our engagement this morning.”

“Oh . . . honey.”

Natalie could hear the scrape of a kitchen chair against tile and imagined her parent sinking onto it, gripping the table unsteadily against this latest blow. The unmistakable sound of sobs filled her ear, and she closed her eyes, wishing she’d been able to deliver this blow in person instead of over the phone. But her mom was in Birmingham, visiting her sister, and planned to stay there another week. Someone was bound to break the news to her long before that if Natalie didn’t tell her first.

“Nat?” Aunt Deb’s voice rang in her ear suddenly. “Did they find him?”

“No. I broke up with Rick.”

“Oh, thank God. The way your mom collapsed I was certain they’d found Xavier’s remains.”

Natalie cringed at Deb’s frank talk. And then her mom was back on the phone.

“Why, honey? Why now? You need him.”

“I don’t know.” How could she explain that the relationship had become strained? That as patient and understanding as Rick tried to be, she found little comfort in his presence. He reminded her too much of her life before. And perhaps the real clincher was that she sensed he was working too hard to be patient. He was a good guy, there was no doubt about it. But he missed the old Natalie. He wanted her back. And that woman was gone for good.

He’d stayed over last night, and they hadn’t even made love. She hadn’t been in the mood. She was never in the mood anymore. Rick hadn’t complained, not about that. He rarely complained about anything, but she’d seen the frustration in his eyes. Finally, as he’d dressed to leave, she’d suggested they call off the wedding. Rick had nodded, sadly, as if he’d been thinking the same.

“I need time, Rick,” she’d said as she handed him back her engagement ring. “I just need some time alone.”

He’d looked at the ring sadly. “If I were the right man for you, Nat, it would be me you needed.”

She hadn’t been able to argue.

She gave her mom the shortened version, which set off another round of sobs. “We’ll talk later, Mom,” she said quietly. “The oven timer’s about to go off. Give Aunt Deb my love.”

In a way, she envied her mother for getting away. A change of scenery would do her good, too. But she had her practice and a full schedule of patients to see this coming week, and for now that would have to be enough. One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving. There was little else she could do except pray that someday the ache would ease enough that she’d be able to breathe again.