Within These Walls (Within These Walls #1)(75)

I didn’t listen. I didn’t hear any of it.

I was done being saved.

Twenty-six: Decisions, Decisions…—Jude

LEAVING LAILAH AT night was my least favorite part of our new living arrangement. I’d briefly thought about putting in a request for the day shift, but with her mom and Grace available at night, it made more sense for me to continue working the night shift.

I still hated it.

I hated not falling asleep with her at night, and I hated knowing she was sleeping alone in our bed.

I raced up the steps of our apartment building and smiled, thinking of how quickly everything had become ours.

Barely two weeks together, and she had ingrained herself to me, body and soul. Even the idea of sending her to her mother’s for a night sounded so horrible that I’d actually asked the woman to stay here instead just so I wouldn’t have to sleep a night without Lailah.

I quietly unlocked the deadbolt and stepped inside. Molly was asleep on the couch, and after a few nudges, she came awake.

“Hey, I’m home. You can stay here if you want though,” I offered.

She rubbed her eyes, which looked red and puffy, as she yawned. “No, I’m going to go home. You two need some time alone, I think,” she said, placing a tender hand on my shoulder.

I looked down at the gesture with a curious gaze. Okeydoke.

She saw herself out, and I locked the door behind her, shaking my head at her odd behavior.

Maybe she was just tired. Maybe she decided she finally liked me.

Probably not.

I was sleeping with her daughter after all.

Tugging my shirt over my head, I snuck into the bedroom and stopped when I saw Lailah was awake, sitting upright in bed.

“Hey,” I said. “What are you doing up? It’s late.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she answered vacantly.

Joining her on the bed, I slipped under the covers and cupped her chin. “Everything okay between you and your mom? She seemed a little off when she left a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah…no,” she answered, her utter calm never wavering. “I’m always this problem that needs to be fixed. Why can’t I just be her daughter?”

“Angel, please, you’re freaking me out.”

“My transplant was denied,” she finally said.

“Lailah, no.” My voice cracked.

I pulled her into my arms, and she willingly came. I tried pushing down the rising panic I felt with her sudden announcement.

“We’ll figure it out, okay?” I said. “This isn’t over. I’m sure there is a way to appeal it.”

“I don’t want to appeal it,” she said quietly against my chest.

My heartbeat faltered at her words, and I pushed back against her until I saw those baby-blue irises. “What do you mean, you don’t want to appeal it?”

“I’m tired of fighting, Jude,” she huffed. “They denied me once. Why would they suddenly approve me? This new insurance company isn’t like my old one. They don’t want to fork over the cash. How many more months am I going to agonize over an appeal just to see it denied again? I can’t take it anymore.”

“You’re giving up?” I whispered, completely stunned.

“It’s not giving up. It’s just accepting what is.”

I stepped away from the bed, the anger rising so fiercely that I wanted to punch the wall in. “And what exactly are you accepting? That you’re dying?” I yelled, turning back toward her.

She visibly flinched. “I just want to enjoy the time I have left, Jude.”

My head began furiously shaking back and forth. “No, no, I don’t accept that.”

“It’s not your decision.”

Tears stung my eyes. “This is all my f**king fault.”

Her tender touch brushed against my bare shoulder. “This isn’t your fault. You had nothing to do with this, Jude,” she said.

“I had everything to do with this,” I replied, pulling away from her. “I’m the reason you didn’t get that first transplant, Lailah. I’m the reason you’re still here, waiting for one.”

Her head turned to the side. “I don’t understand.”

“Megan,” I answered. “Megan was supposed to be your heart. You said it happened three years ago on Memorial Day weekend. That was when the accident happened. Megan’s parents wanted to donate her organs—or the ones that weren’t damaged. She was severely brain damaged, but her heart was in perfect condition.”

“No, it’s not possible,” she said, her voice distant.

“Yes, it is. They knew she was gone, but I didn’t. I begged and pleaded with them to reconsider. I told them they were killing her. I said I could bring her back. I did everything I could to change their minds. It worked, Lailah. I’m the reason you didn’t get that transplant.”

I didn’t know how long she sat there, staring at the stitching of the comforter, as I waited for her to say something, anything.

“Please, Lailah, yell at me, scream at me, tell me to get the hell out. Do something, anything but give me silence,” I begged.

Her eyes met mine, and they nearly cut me in two.

“When you came to my room, did you know who I was?”

Falling down on my knees in front of her, I took her hand. “God, no, I had no idea. I didn’t put it all together until later.”