Within These Walls (Within These Walls #1)(31)

Desire.

His free hand reached up to the forgotten pudding and pulled a spoonful from the small cup.

“Open your mouth,” he said softly.

Taking a quick gulp of air for courage, I parted my lips as he brought the spoon to my mouth. It slipped past my tongue, and I closed my mouth around it, remember him doing the same thing moments earlier. Never breaking eye contact with him, I sucked the chocolate off the spoon as he pulled back. He dipped it back into the pudding and took a bite himself, sucking and licking the same spoon I’d just touched.

It was the single most erotic event of my life.

“See? Now, we’re sharing,” he said.

He dipped the spoon in the cup and fed me once again.

“Well then, I guess you’re off the hook.”

We continued taking turns until nothing was left but trash. He tossed everything in the wastebasket near the bed, keeping our hands joined.

“Will you tell me more about your Someday list?” he asked.

His gaze found the worn notebook lying next to me where I’d left it when I drifted off to sleep.

“Sure,” I answered, grabbing the notebook and placing it on my lap. I opened it up and scanned the pages, remembering the hours I’d spent creating it, writing and re-writing it as I came up with new things to add to it.

“Pick a number,” I said, recalling our earlier game.

“One,” he replied.

“Nope. Try again,” I said, not ready to divulge that particular one just yet.

“Okay, how about ten?”

“Go on a roller coaster.”

“Hmm…Disneyland or Six Flags?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it,” I answered.

“Well, think about it now. Are you a big roller-coaster girl or more of an it’s-a-small-world person?”

My mouth twitched as I tried to hide the smile blooming at the corner of my lips. “Mickey Mouse, all the way.”

“Good answer. Okay, another one. Thirty-eight.”

“Um…” I scrolled through the list. “Oh, go to prom.”

His face twisted in amused disgust. “No, I need to scribble that one out. Give me a pen.” He looked around for a pen.

I grabbed the one near my thigh seconds before he did, causing us both to laugh.

“Be glad you missed out on that rite of passage. It’s way overrated.”

Holding the pen against my chest, I asked, “So, I take it yours was awesome?”

“The best,” he answered sarcastically. “My date got trashed in the limo on the way there and ended up in the ladies’ restroom. I sat outside and listened as she alternated between hurling and tossing every curse word at me that she could think of. Even in her alcohol-induced haze, that girl could fling some obscenities. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t heard of half of them.”

“Well, I’m still keeping it in there. A normal life isn’t about just the good things. It’s about the ups and downs. Whether or not prom is a good or bad experience, it’s an experience all the same.”

“Okay, good point. Did I mention she ended up making out with the prom king? And it wasn’t me by the way,” he added with a half smile, causing the tiny dimple in his cheek to make an appearance.

“So, I take it, she didn’t become the love of your life?”

His expression went blank, and his eyes became vacant.

“No. No, she didn’t. Seventy-two,” he said absently, his voice hoarse and soft.

“What?” I asked before catching on. “Oh, um…okay.” I scanned the list and easily found the number he’d asked for.

“Have my heart broken,” I said softly, realizing it probably wasn’t the best one to reveal considering the current devastation written across Jude’s face. I should have just picked the one above it—go to a movie theater.

His eyes searched mine. “Why would you want that?”

“For the same reason I want a crappy prom. You can’t live a normal life without the heartache. It’s all part of the package. My life has been nothing but surgeries, procedures, and living from one test result to the next. I’d gladly trade all of that for a little normalcy. Give me a terrible prom and a hot, sticky day at Disneyland. Let me fall in love even if it means I’ll get hurt in the end. At least then, I’d know that I’m living.”

His fingers brushed mine as he took the book from my lap. He shut it with one hand and set it aside. His gaze never left mine as he shifted forward, narrowing the gap between us. My heart beat faster, feeling the warmth of his body as he came closer to me. His palm cupped the side of my face, and I leaned into his touch.

“I want all those things to happen for you, Lailah. I want to see you cross out each and every item on that list, if that’s what it takes to make you feel alive or normal. The truth is, you are far from normal. You are light-years away from the word. You are exceptional. The word normal would be an insult to your very nature. I get that you want to experience everything under the sun, everything that life has robbed you of by shutting you out and keeping you prisoner to this bed, but there is one thing I will not allow.” His fingers slid into my hair, and his eyes fluttered close ever so briefly before he whispered, “No one will ever break your heart. I can promise you that.”