Wild Man Creek (Virgin River #14)(64)

A week later Colin and Jillian were on the road to Chico and while they were away, Jack would be showing the house to the couple from the Bay Area.

“Births, deaths, weddings and critical injuries get a lot of attention from the Riordan family,” Colin explained to Jillian as they made the drive to Chico for the wedding. “I’m afraid that I’m the one with the reputation for being a no-show most often, for making the fastest trip, shortest stay. Aiden, Sean and Luke have always been pretty tight. Aiden is actually close to everyone and the best about keeping up family relationships.”

“And now he wants all his brothers to witness for him,” she said.

“Typical Riordan move—gather them up, make sure everyone is front and center. I usually do what I can to resist the call—sometimes I arrive late, leave early, manage to find an excuse.”

“Why do I get the sense something has changed?” she asked him.

“Because it has. I almost met my maker. My brothers, though a huge pain in my ass, came running. I wanted to kill them all, but they were persistent and it’s probable that because they wouldn’t let me shove them away, I got the help I needed. I’m too goddamn stubborn to do it for myself, to even acknowledge what I need. Do you know they had a conference call about me? Seriously! Paddy was the first to suspect I had a problem with painkillers and he invoked the brotherhood. Aiden was the one to get personally involved—I think he was elected because he’s a doctor. And I think he put his credit card on the treatment bill. None of them will tell me if I owe anything for that. Not even Luke, and I’m pretty sure Luke would like to just shove me in a hole.”

“Come on.” She laughed. “Luke seems like a great brother.”

“When he’s in charge,” Colin said with an indulgent laugh. “He’s not that great when someone disagrees with him. He’s a diamond in the rough—apparently Shelby sees the diamond and the rest of us see the rough.”

“I so look forward to this,” she said with a laugh. “Having only had one sister growing up, I can’t imagine five rough-and-tumble boys. And it sounds like you’re all still at it. Listen, if it would be best for you to stay at your brother’s house with most of the family, I’m perfectly fine in the hotel by myself.”

He reached for her hand. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Really, it’s a family time, and I’m not—”

“You’re with me. Listen, there’s no good way to ask this so I’m going to blurt it out and hope I don’t fumble it too badly. Is taking you to a wedding, to a family gathering—is that going to confuse what we have going on together?”

She smiled at him; a purely indulgent smile. “You mean, am I going to hope for a change in plans?” She shook her head. “Don’t mess with me on this, Colin. I’m keeping my head and my body in the present. I’m not expecting anything to change. I’m not setting up any fantasies. Spending nights in bed with you is fantasy enough….”

“You never thought about marriage? Family? All that?”

She shook her head. “In an abstract way I thought it was somewhere in my future, but there were no contenders. The first person to ever take me looking at rings was Kurt, and I was reluctant to do that—I didn’t want to mislead him.” She shrugged. “I told him that might be way in the future, but I sure wasn’t there yet. I wasn’t in love with him yet—I wasn’t ready to take it that far….” She laughed bitterly. “Isn’t it funny that I was the holdout and yet it never once occurred to me that he was playing me? I was worldly in business at such a young age, but in relationships? Not so much.”

“Inexperienced,” he said. “Which probably means you hadn’t been hurt a lot.”

“Not in relationships with men. I had my hard knocks in other ways—losing my dad then my mom, the usual problems with money, growing up poor, struggling on a shoestring in school, then the struggle of paying for Nana’s assisted living, then her death… But men? No—only a few. Not traumatic. Don’t worry, Colin—I’m not going to try anything like holding your feet to the fire for a promise you never made. I want you to go to Africa! I want you to find what you need, to feel whole again, to reassure yourself that you haven’t missed anything! That feeling you had of being robbed? You’re not ever going to feel like I was the one to rob you. Think of me as your cheerleader. But could we make an agreement about that?”

“What do you need, Jilly?” he asked, squeezing her hand.

“I need you to not ask me again. It takes a certain amount of effort to keep from thinking into the future where you’re concerned. Let’s not keep reexamining that.”

“You’re right,” he said with a nod. “And I’m going to say one thing before the subject is dropped. It takes a certain amount of effort for me, too.”

It made her very happy to hear that, but she said, “It’s important for you to follow your plan, Colin. I could never be happy with some guy who spends his life feeling he made sacrifices for me, sacrifices I didn’t ask for and that you’d eventually resent. I want you to know you did everything in life that’s important to you.”

“You’re one in a million, you know that?” he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.