Wild Man Creek (Virgin River #14)(51)

She smiled gently. “Are you afraid I’m going to ask you not to go?”

“Maybe a little bit,” he said, shaking his head. “Mostly, I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you.”

“Because you give me everything you’ve got night after night and pretty soon that’s going to end?”

“Something like that,” he said.

“But, Colin, I understand about the rush!”

He sat back a bit. He almost stuttered. “No offense, Jilly, but I have to think what I’m talking about is a little more dramatic than sticking a seed in the ground or picking a tomato.”

She laughed. “You know I’m not just a little gardener, Colin. I helped build a major software corporation. I worked eighty-hour weeks bringing that company to one of the biggest public offerings in that industry. I wasn’t diving off literal cliffs, but figurative cliffs, betting everything on the outcome of an IPO. The pressure was intense, the fiduciary risk was high, the potential for failure extreme and the potential for success over the moon. And I loved it! Loved it! It felt like Olympic Gold every time we succeeded.” She laughed. “Or every time we failed to fail. I gave every day, every weekend, every holiday to keeping that company strong and successful. You call Harry Benedict today and ask him which three executives he would credit with helping him make BSS a household name and a multi-multimillion dollar company and one of them would be me. I guarantee that. When that was taken away from me, I nearly crumbled. It was hard to live without the risk, the daily pressure.”

He looked completely perplexed for a moment. “But you were able to walk away and stick little seeds into the dirt and—”

She was shaking her head. “I was driven out, which is what happens to big kids who swim with sharks. And it nearly killed me. I was terminated even though my old boss, Harry, considers it a leave of absence. He told me to take a break, to think, to learn to relax. There might be an opportunity for me to go back to BSS—that’s kind of up in the air. But for now I’m gardening and thinking and feeling more like a real person every day. But, Colin, I don’t think I’ve lost my edge. I still feel that edge inside me every day—that rush.

“I’m not going to try to change you, Colin. I understand…. And I know what it feels like to be robbed of the life that felt perfect.” She shrugged. “You do it your way—going after the big adventure. I’ll do it my way. I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing something in your life. I’m not that kind of person.”

He looked a bit stunned. “Okay, that makes you the first woman in the history of the world who isn’t pissed because her man is off chasing some excitement.”

“You’re arrogant,” she said with a laugh. “You assume you’re the only person with needs, with dreams. I like what I’m doing and even though I haven’t been invited, I don’t want to go to Africa or Alaska or New Zealand. One compromise we should make, though.”

“What?” he asked.

“Before you leave, you should try to sell a painting or two, just to see what happens. Not to keep you from going, but to show you what you’ve got to look forward to. I don’t think you know. I don’t think any of us really knows what we’ve got or who we are until we risk it, put it to the test. You’re perfectly willing to risk your life, but shy away from risking your ego or your art. You’re a wimp, Colin.” And then she smiled.

He was speechless; he’d never known a woman like this in his life. He’d never encountered this kind of selfless support.

“So,” he finally said. “You think you’ll go back to BSS?”

“I honestly don’t know. Some days I think so. And some days I feel that part of my life is moving farther and father away. My life is mostly calm and quiet right now, but I’m happy.”

He looked a little confused. “But what are you doing for that edge?”

She grinned at him. She ran her fingernails down through his beard. “You,” she said softly, leaning toward him. “I’m doing you.”

That took him a moment. Then he suddenly wrestled her to the ground and went after her mouth like a dying man. When he broke from kissing her, he was out of breath, hard as a baseball bat and his eyes were glowing like embers. And he said, “I think I have to have you, right here, right now.”

She ran her fingers through his longish, curly hair. “Now this is going to be difficult to give up….”

Nine

Come date night, Luke had a difficult time focusing on his wife because his thoughts were consumed with his brother Colin. When Colin appeared for his babysitting duties earlier that evening, he was not alone. He brought a woman, and not just any woman, but Jillian Matlock! Luke couldn’t stop speculating on that odd match all through what was supposed to be a special dinner in Arcata with Shelby.

“I don’t know why you should be so shocked,” Shelby said. “They make a handsome couple. And Jillian’s very nice.”

“He’s a wreck. He’s all screwed up. Plus he looks a mess,” Luke argued. “I guess he used to be okay-looking, if you like the big, dumb type, but look at him now!”

Shelby shook her head. “I don’t know what’s the matter with you—Colin is a very handsome man! That scarring he got in the accident doesn’t detract from his good looks at all. And he is far from dumb! Luke,” she said gravely, “sometimes you just wear me out!”