When You're Back (Rosemary Beach #12)(44)

Was I being selfish to not let her go, if that was what she wanted? Was I caring for her like a possession and ignoring her needs? “Fuuuuuuck!” I yelled as pain sliced through my chest.

I wanted to be overreacting. Was it because I was mentally exhausted from dealing with Kiro? Everything replayed in my head.

“I just left her there,” I whispered out loud, knowing she had no way to come after me and explain. I hadn’t even given her a moment to get her thoughts together. She had looked as surprised as I was.

I couldn’t leave her there all day to worry about this. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Sure, she hadn’t told me that she was having lunch brought to her by f*cking River, Captain, whoever the hell he was, Kipling. But demanding an answer from her and then storming out when she couldn’t verbalize one wasn’t the way to handle it.

This was Reese. My Reese. There had to be a reason she hadn’t said something before now. Maybe she was afraid I would react the exact way I just reacted. Or she could have been worried that I’d make her quit her job. She loved her job. She was proud of herself, and watching her blossom under Piper’s obvious approval was beautiful.

I had to go back. I stalked back to the door, only to be stopped by Major, who was looking at me like I’d lost my mind.

“Move,” I snarled, and started to push past him, but he grabbed my shoulders and stopped me.

“She’s not there,” was all he said. He sounded annoyed.

“What?” I asked him, shoving him back so he would let me go.

“She called Maryann. Your momma went to get her.”

Reese. “Shit. Is she OK?” I asked, moving fast to get around Major and head up the hill toward my momma’s house.

“She was crying so hard Aunt Maryann barely heard what she was saying. She ran for the door, then pointed at me and said, ‘Go tell my son he better get himself ready to fix this.’ ”

I had to fix this. Reese was crying. My stupid temper.

“What the hell did you do?” Major asked.

“River Kipling was in her office. He brings her lunch sometimes. She never told me.”

Major let out a low whistle. “He’s a smooth one. But has Reese done anything wrong?”

“She never told me!” I yelled, wanting to punch something.

“Well, hell, Mase, if she thought you’d react like this, I can’t say I blame her. You don’t get worked up like this. Never seen you become an ass in my entire life. So what the f*ck has happened to you?”

This wasn’t me. I didn’t lose my mind over every little thing. I was careful, and I thought things through. I made calculated decisions. I wasn’t this off-the-handle insane man who had taken over.

“Stop yelling, and listen to yourself. You’re acting like a nutcase over something that isn’t that big of a deal. So he brought her food. Did she f*ck him for it? No. I can answer that. She loves you. You . Snap out of this.”

Snap out of this. Those words replayed in my head. Words I had just said to Kiro. When he was losing his mind over a woman.

I was acting like . . . my father. My entire life, I’d tried so hard to emulate the man who raised me. He was a solid man. A man who was careful and thoughtful but strong. Yet in one moment, I forgot all that and became the man whose blood ran through my veins.

I didn’t want to be this man. But I understood him. I hadn’t even lost Reese, and I was going crazy. What if I were faced with actually losing her? Could I recover from that? Would I become the man I looked like instead of the man who had taught me everything?

“I have to see her,” I said, feeling helpless.

“Yeah, well, your momma will be here soon enough with her, and I wouldn’t want to be you when she gets here. She’s not happy with you.”

I wasn’t happy with me, either. I’d let Reese down, but I’d let me down, too. This man wasn’t me.

My mother’s truck came into view, and I took off running toward it. I wasn’t waiting for Reese to get to me. I needed to see her now. Momma stopped when she saw me getting closer. I didn’t even make eye contact with my mother; I kept my eyes on Reese. Her face was red and splotchy from crying, and that was all because of me.

If it was possible to truly hate yourself, I did.

Reese

Once the tears started, I couldn’t stop.

After Mase left, sobs wracked my body, and I doubled over. He’d left me. I’d messed up. I couldn’t lose Mase.

All I had known to do was to call Maryann. Staying at work was impossible. Telling Piper what was wrong with me was also impossible. She was gone for the day, and I would have to apologize later. Right now, I had to get to Mase.

Maryann hopped out of the truck and rushed to me. “What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling me into a hug. I clung to her and cried harder.

Having any kind of motherly affection undid me. It wasn’t something I knew, but I craved it. Maryann’s arms around me made my tears come harder. Because I’d let her son down. She was comforting me and didn’t know what I had done.

“Shhh, now, it can’t be all that bad. Let’s get you back home, and you can tell me what happened. I know my son, and when he knows you’re this upset, he’s going to be furious with himself.”

No, he wouldn’t. He was furious already. With me.