What He Left Behind(64)

After lunch, we both need to get back to work, but neither of us is in a huge rush on the way out to the parking lot. The walkway seems shorter today, though, and too soon, we’re at the curb.

Our eyes meet. This is usually the moment for “have a good one” and “see you next time” and “try not to choke anyone at work” before we both walk away—him to his car, me to my office. But we’re not moving, and we’re not speaking, and we’re not leaving.

My heart speeds up. “So, um…”

This silence is f*cking stubborn. I need to get back to work before my boss gives me the evil eye, but I can’t make myself say good-bye.

Suddenly, Michael steps forward, puts his arms around me and hugs me tight. “Tomorrow night wouldn’t be happening if it hadn’t been for you.” His voice wavers a bit, and he whispers, “Thank you so much, Josh.”

“You’re welcome.” I hold him close and squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m so glad you’re back on an even keel.”

“Me too.”

He doesn’t let go. Neither do I.

“Good luck tomorrow,” I whisper. “I really hope this works out for you.”

“So do I.” He finally releases me, and when our eyes meet, his are clearer and brighter than they’ve been in a while. “Even if it doesn’t, I think…” He shrugs. “I think I’m okay with that. If it doesn’t work out with him, it will with someone else.”

“Of course it will. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Michael smiles. “Well, I’ll let you know how it goes.”

I smile back. “I can’t wait to hear.”

Be good to him, Dr. Klein…





Chapter Twenty-One


The next night, as we have so many times over the years, Ian and I cuddle up on the couch with the animals to watch TV. Ariel is taking up more space than she has any right to. Rosie is on the armrest, letting Ian pet her while she stays firmly out of my reach. In front of us is a rerun of The Big Bang Theory—I can almost lip synch the dialogue because we’ve seen this one five hundred times, but the jokes are still funny. This is as normal as it gets in this house, but it feels all wrong.

I glance at my phone. It’s eight thirty.

By now, Dr. Klein and Michael are probably sitting in a restaurant somewhere, making conversation over drinks and appetizers, shyly fumbling their way through first-date nerves even though they’ve known each other for ages.

And that’s the problem, isn’t it? We’re here, and Michael’s out there, and I wonder if I’m even more nervous than he is tonight.

But it’s not just nerves. I can’t get comfortable. Can’t settle. Even when I remind myself a hundred times over that Dr. Klein is arguably the safest, gentlest man any of us know, there’s something else still tugging at my consciousness.

It’s almost like the letdown that comes after an exhilarating experience, but it doesn’t make any sense. This process with Michael has been about getting him back on his feet. What he’s doing tonight is exactly what we’ve been trying to help him achieve—the confidence and courage to take a chance with another man.

So why do I feel so empty?

Empty. That’s what it is.

And here comes the guilt. I resist the urge to fidget beside Ian and draw his attention to my discomfort, because this is something I really don’t want to explain. I’m not entirely sure I can explain it, but I damn sure don’t want to. How the f*ck would I tell my husband I feel down and sad because Michael’s not here tonight? Because Michael’s out with another man, and all three of us have our fingers crossed that it works out?

I cuddle closer to Ian, ostensibly to give our ever-expanding dog some more room, and rest my head on his chest. Ian kisses the top of my head and adjusts his arm around my shoulders.

This is perfect. What the f*ck is wrong with me? I’ve never once felt like there was anything missing in my marriage. Ian isn’t perfect, but he’s the perfect man for me—I’d sworn off marriage and monogamy alike right up until I realized I was in love with him.

There’s nothing missing from my marriage to Ian, but where is this hollow feeling coming from? I’ve always been thrilled when Michael finds somebody—even that *, before I knew what he was really like—but tonight, I’m floundering.

Out of nowhere, Ian says, “You think he’s having a good time?”

My head snaps toward Ian. “Huh?”

“Michael.” He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “What?”

“I’m just, uh…” Surprised you’re thinking of him too. I clear my throat and shrug. “I hope he’s having a good time. God knows he deserves it.”

“Yeah, he does.” Ian’s expression hardens a bit. “And God help that vet if he doesn’t treat him right.”

That protectiveness sends a tingle right through me, and I fidget to mask a shiver. “No shit.”

“It sounds like he will, though. My fingers are definitely crossed for him.”

“Mine too.”

Ian eyes me. “You don’t sound all that enthusiastic?”

“I am.” My face burns. “Is it wrong that I’m going to be kind of disappointed when Michael moves on?” I cringe at my own words. “I mean, the sooner he’s in a good place, the better, but…”