What He Left Behind(24)

“I just can’t believe she puts up with it.” Ian pauses. “Wait, no, never mind. Michael can do no wrong in her eyes.”

“Eh, you don’t have any room to complain.” I playfully nudge his leg with my foot. “At least she actually likes you.”

“Most of the time.” He nods toward Michael. “I mean, okay, she hates you, but she likes him better than me.”

“There’s a hierarchy.” Michael shrugs. “Not my fault I came out on top.”

Ian opens his mouth to retort, but pauses.

And then Michael turns beet red.

And then I get it.

Michael clears his throat. “I, uh…I meant in the—”

“Cat hierarchy.” Ian reaches for the wine bottle. “Got it.” He tops us all off, but even the wine can’t fill this unusual—and totally predictable—awkward silence. So much for things being completely normal.

Michael stares into his glass. “I, uh, don’t want to make things weird, but I think we should, you know, talk. About what’s going on.” He gestures at me.

Ian takes a deep swallow of wine. As he sets his glass on the edge, he nods. “Okay. We can talk about it.” His eyes dart back and forth between us. “What exactly…” He glances at his glass again, as if he might drain what’s left in one go. But he doesn’t. He slides a hand over my knee as he often does. “What do we need to talk about?”

Good question. We should address the issue, and we should be open about it, but what needs to be said?

They don’t offer up anything. Michael doesn’t look up from his glass. Ian can’t seem to get comfortable beside me.

My stomach twists and my heart races. “Well, for starters, maybe now would be a good time to address the condom issue.”

They both tense a bit.

“Condom issue?” Ian asks.

“Yeah.” I glance at Michael, then turn to my husband, lacing our fingers together beneath the water. “Do you have any preference? As far as whether or not we use them?”

“Oh.” Ian absently rubs my thumb with his. “Um. Not really, no. I know Josh is clean.”

“And I haven’t touched anyone in years,” Michael says.

“Then if you guys don’t want to use them, I…” Ian pauses, reaching for his glass with his other hand. “I guess I don’t have any issue with that.”

“We don’t have to. It’s completely up to you.”

Ian’s eyes lose focus, and he slowly sips his wine. For a few seconds, he rolls it around in his mouth. Michael and I exchange uncertain glances.

But then Ian shrugs and puts the glass aside again. “I trust you both. If you’re comfortable going bareback, then I’m comfortable with it too.”

“If that changes,” I say quietly, “all you have to do is tell us.”

Ian nods, a faint smile forming on his lips, and he squeezes my knee beneath the water. “I will. But I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

Even still, silence falls again, and it stretches well into awkward. I’m not sure we have enough wine for this conversation. Maybe it should have waited until after the school year.

Except it can’t wait. We need to clear the air and make sure we’re all on the same page before this continues, because I refuse to let this damage my friendship or my marriage.

It’s Michael who finally breaks the silence. “I guess the biggest question I have is, condoms aside, are you sure you’re okay with this, Ian? I mean, let me just put it out there.” He gestures toward me. “I’m sleeping with your husband.”

“I know.” Ian swirls his wine again, watching that instead of looking at either of us. “Look, I’m not going to pretend I don’t have reservations about this. I do. I admit it.” He glances at me before he finally meets Michael’s eyes. “But if that son of a bitch did something to you that’s still hurting you after all this time, and there’s something Josh can do to alleviate that? Then hell yeah, I’m okay with it.”

Michael holds his gaze. “Even if it means…?”

Ian hesitates for a split second but nods. “Yeah. And I mean, I’ll get over my reservations. The bottom line is that Josh and I both care about you. If there’s anything I can do to make this whole thing easier, I’m happy to do it. Josh is just…more suited to this particular approach than I am.”

My heart flutters, and I’m not sure why. His blessing? The incredibly subtle—and quite possibly imaginary—implication that if I weren’t here, he’d be willing to do what I’m doing for Michael? Just the fact that he is so damned unselfish, even when it comes to me, our marriage and our sex life?

I squeeze his hand. He smiles at me and squeezes back, giving my heart another jolt.

Michael clears his throat. “You guys…” He releases a heavy breath. “You really have no idea how much this means to me.”

“You’re our friend,” Ian says. “It was hard as hell watching you go through all that. If there’s something we can do, or one of us can do, then…”

“I know.” Michael swallows. “And you guys have both already done more for me than you can imagine. If it hadn’t been for the two of you, I might still be with Steve now.”