What He Left Behind(18)

And he sinks his teeth into my shoulder.

And I come.

One second, I’m on the verge, and the next, I’m gone, and Ian knows just how to keep me going, f*cking me relentlessly as I gasp and cry out and fall to pieces beneath him.

Then I collapse. All I can do now is lie there and be f*cked, taking him again and again while aftershocks ripple through me and my fingers knead the comforter.

“Fuck.” Ian grunts. Forces himself into me. Trembles.

And exhales, his whole body relaxing on top of mine as cool breath rushes past my neck.

“Jesus,” I breathe.

He drops a light kiss on my shoulder. “You’re welcome.”

I snort and roll my eyes. “Arrogant bastard.”

Chuckling, he kisses the spot where he bit me. “Arrogant bastard who just made you come.” He withdraws slowly. “So as I said, you’re welcome.”

I push myself up on shaky arms and glare playfully at him but can’t help laughing. “Well, if anyone’s earned the right to be so cocky in the bedroom…” I cup the back of his neck and kiss him.

“Damn right,” he murmurs between kisses. Running his fingers through my sweaty hair, he says, “So much for your shower, though.”

I shrug. “I’ll cope somehow.”

We clean ourselves up and collapse into bed together. As the dust settles and the rest of the world returns, that uncomfortable knot in my stomach comes back with a vengeance. That’s the downside of forgetting about things for a little while—they always come back, louder and more insistent than before.

I sigh and rest my head on Ian’s shoulder. This road with Michael is going to be a long one, isn’t it?

“Still worrying about Michael?” Ian’s soft voice breaks the silence, startling me.

“Yeah. I don’t think that’s going to stop any time soon.”

“He’ll be okay.” Ian kisses my temple. “It might not happen overnight, but he’s in good hands.”

On both counts, I wish I was as optimistic as he is. “I still can’t believe you’re on board with this.”

Ian holds me closer. “If it were anyone else, I might not be okay with it. But if it weren’t for Michael, I probably wouldn’t have you.” He nuzzles my neck. “I’d say we both kind of owe him one.”

“Still.”

“I promise, Josh, I’m on board with this. I want him to be okay, and there’s no one else in a better position than you to get him there.”

“So no pressure, right?”

“No, there’s no pressure.” He shifts around and props himself up on his elbow while I lie on my back. “A lot of this is on Michael, not you. You’re not fixing him. You’re giving him a safe place to work through the stuff that needs fixing.” Ian touches my face. “Literally all you have to do is be the safe, kind, giving lover that you already are, and let him do the rest.”

I swallow, watching my fingers run up and down his forearm. “Then why am I so scared to screw this up?”

“Because you care about him.”

The lump is rising in my throat, but I push it back. “I do.”

Silence falls, and I don’t have the first clue how to fill it. Ian’s confident I can help Michael, and I’m terrified I’ll make it worse, and there’s no point in beating that dead horse. The only thing that’ll appease my worried mind is seeing the results, and that’ll just take time. There’s nothing we can do tonight.

Ian kisses my forehead. “Still need that drink?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” I pull him closer. “I kind of want to stay like this for a while.”

“Then we will. Come here.”

I turn on my side again, facing him, and Ian wraps his arm around my shoulders and rests his other hand on my arm. His fingertips run back and forth along my skin, the touch both ticklish and reassuring.

Even in my most volatile relationships, and during the rough patches I’ve had with Ian, I’ve never been afraid of someone. In all the years we’ve been together, and the years I spent with other guys before him, it has never once felt like a novelty to be safe in a man’s arms.

Lying there with Ian, safe and comfortable, I let my mind wander back to earlier this evening. It feels like a lifetime ago, standing there in Michael’s kitchen and fighting through all his demons for that first hard-won kiss before Michael finally had to back off. I almost feel guilty for making love so easily with Ian; we’ve been effortless lovers from the very beginning, and it’s hard to stomach that we’re still that way while Michael’s been twisting in the wind all this time.

I take Ian’s hand and kiss the backs of his fingers.

You deserve to feel this way with someone, Michael.

And I’ll make damn sure you do.





Chapter Six


Parked beneath Michael’s apartment building, I don’t get out of the car quite yet.

So, this is it. Here we go. Time to get in way, way over my head and hope like hell Michael doesn’t catch on that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, and pray to God I don’t f*ck up. How do we even get started with something like this, anyway? It’s not like showing up at my old piano teacher’s house.