Watch Over Me (Danvers #7)(29)
Ava waved Gwen in front of her saying, “I’ll just follow you. I’m not sure which place you’re talking about.” Gwen clenched her jaw as she preceded the other woman down the hall. No matter how much Dominic seemed to admire her ample ass, she still felt self-conscious knowing the thin blonde was behind her. The jersey dress that had seemed like a good idea this morning suddenly felt too tight. When she heard Ava clear her throat and say, “I like your dress,” Gwen had to fight the urge to run away. She also had to wonder if Ava was being sarcastic even though she heard nothing but sincerity in her voice.
“Um . . . thanks,” she replied grudgingly. She was grateful to see the usual crowd of people on the elevator, which made it possible to avoid further conversation. In fact, not another word was uttered between them until they were seated at a table in the sandwich shop.
Gwen ordered a bowl of vegetable soup and a turkey sandwich while Ava, damn her, ordered a chef salad with the dressing on the side. Was it too much to hope that she’d at least have some carbs in her meal? Seeing Ava’s hand shake as she lifted her water glass to her lips gave her a moment’s pause. Apparently, they were both nervous about this unexpected lunch. Finally, Ava took a deep breath before saying, “I . . . God, this is so awkward, isn’t it?”
Relaxing just a bit, Gwen nodded before admitting, “Yeah, it sure is. I don’t guess there is much of a way around that, though, considering the circumstances.”
“No, I don’t suppose so,” Ava agreed. “Gwen, I had planned to seek you out even before I found out that you and Dominic were seeing each other. If not for discovering that this morning, I would have probably chickened out for at least a few more weeks before I worked up the nerve to speak to you.”
Gwen couldn’t contain the reluctant smile that curved her lips at the other woman’s candor. She had fully expected to dislike her forever, but found that she seemed more down-to-earth than she had imagined. Curious, she asked, “What does my seeing Dominic have to do with this meeting?”
“I care about Dominic—as a friend.” Ava smiled fondly. “Also, he, Mac, Gage, and my brother Declan are extremely close. I don’t want my actions with Mac to drive a wedge between them.” Gwen could see Ava mentally bracing herself before saying, “I love Mac—I always have—but I’m not proud of my recent behavior, especially where you are concerned. In order for you to understand the relationship that I’ve had with Mac for years, I need to tell you a little about our past. It’s difficult for me, but it’s the only way you’ll hopefully understand some of our history.”
Seeing how hard this was for Ava, Gwen held up her hand, saying gently, “You don’t have to tell me anything. Yes, I was hurt by what happened with Mac, but I’m a big girl and I’ll recover.”
“Please,” Ava begged, “just let me try to explain myself.” After a moment, Gwen nodded for Ava to proceed. “Mac’s family lived next door to my grandfather, so we knew each other most of our lives. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, but he treated me more like a sister. Fast forward several years and I went to my first prom with a guy who I’d been seeing for a bit. That night he . . . he raped me.”
“Oh, my God,” Gwen gasped out, hardly able to believe what she had just heard.
A single tear tracked down Ava’s cheek before she quickly wiped it away. “Afterward, I managed to make it to Mac’s house, and he found me. I—I wasn’t the same after that. My grandfather didn’t report it to the police and made me feel like it was my fault. Mac . . . he tried to be there for me, but I pushed him away. Eventually, he joined the Marines along with my brother, Declan. He still wrote and visited me anytime he could. After he was discharged, we formed a friendship again, spending a lot of time together, and I knew that he wanted more from me, but I wasn’t capable of giving it to him. I did everything I could to push him away and to make him believe that I was normal, when I was anything but. Finally, he had had enough and decided to move on with his life. When he started dating you, I panicked. I knew Mac slept with other women, just as he believed I slept with other men. But, he never dated anyone—until you.”
“It made you realize how you felt about him, didn’t it?” Gwen asked, even though she already knew the answer. After hearing what Ava had been through, she couldn’t even bring herself to hang on to any of the bitterness that she had directed toward her since losing Mac.
Looking shamefaced, Ava whispered, “I always knew I loved him. I just didn’t feel like I deserved him. When I met you, though, I knew I would lose him if I didn’t do something. You were so beautiful and exactly the type of woman Mac would choose to settle down with. I guess I thought that we would be frozen in time forever with neither of us ever leaving the other behind. Suddenly the reality hit me hard when I had to face the fact that he was pulling away from me.”
Gwen laid her hand atop Ava’s, giving it a squeeze of sympathy. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, truly I am. And I know it must have been hard for you to tell someone who is essentially a stranger to you something so personal. I’m touched that you care enough about my feelings to put yourself through that, and it does help me to find some closure knowing the reasons behind what happened with Mac.”
Ava gave her a timid smile, still looking more than a little guilty. “Mac really thinks a lot of you, Gwen, and the fact that we both hurt you has been hard for him to handle. I know that it’s too soon and maybe you’ll never be comfortable with it, but eventually I hope that we can all be friends. Dominic spends a lot of time with Mac, and I don’t want anything to change their relationship.”