Walk Through Fire (Chaos #4)(135)

“Bullshit,” he returned. “You f*ckin’ love your dad. You’d want him to be happy and you’d wanna be there to see that.”

He was right.

“Low—”

“What are you not tellin’ me?”

“Nothing,” I lied again. “I just think you should give your girls a dad day.”

He didn’t reply and this wasn’t just a moment’s hesitation.

This was several moments’ hesitation.

Then he asked, “Zadie say shit to you?”

He asked straight out.

Could I lie straight out?

I had no choice. Delaying my answer was my answer.

The honest one.

“She did,” he bit out. “What’d she say?”

“It wasn’t anything, Snooks,” I answered softly. “I just think you need to give her some time to get used to the idea of me before you force her to spend more time with me.”

“Burned you,” he stated, words that confused me.

“What?” I asked.

“You walked through fire to give me my girls and the first time you looked at ’em, you did it again. Sent you straight to hell, seein’ what I had that you didn’t. Seein’ what I had we couldn’t make. You’re dealin’ with that and Zadie’s bein’ a snot.”

It felt extremely good he noticed and he cared.

But as he spoke, he got angrier with each word and I suspected Zadie would hear about it and that wouldn’t make things any better for her and me.

“You need to give her time to get used to the idea of me, Low. She’s a little girl. I love that you want this to go well. I love that you want it to happen fast. But other people are involved and sometimes we can’t make what we want happen like we want it to happen.”

“Cleo say shit?” he ground out.

“No. We... things are good between Cleo and me,” I assured him. “We’ve had a couple of moments. I think she wants you to be happy but I also think she’s getting around to liking me.”

“She ain’t a little girl, Millie,” he stated. “Zadie’s ten. She knows better.”

“Ten is not twenty-three, Logan,” I told him, and hurriedly continued before he could say anything. “And it’s not my place, I don’t know how to handle your daughters, but I have a feeling that you getting angry at her for having valid emotions is only making her not like me more.”

“Shit happens in life and you handle, it, Millie. You don’t act out like a five-year-old and pour Sprite on it to make it go away.”

He had a point.

“It’s not that they need a break,” he declared. “It’s you who needs one.”

“Honestly, Snook’ums,” I said carefully, “you’re kinda right. But I think it’s all of us.”

“Right,” he clipped irately. “Plans are canceled today, which sucks. For twenty years I have not had a lotta good days that are just f*ckin’ good. Yesterday, my three girls together, was one of those days. I was lookin’ forward to more.”

That cut like a knife.

Before I could push past the pain, he kept talking.

“But I don’t want you to have to put up with more shit and it won’t be good for me, knowin’ you are or keepin’ a better eye on things and seein’ it happen, which is only gonna tick me off.”

“We’ll plan something, Low,” I told him. “Something in between visits. They can have dinner at my house. I’ll cook. They can play with the kitties. Maybe we can play a game.”

“We’ll do that and it’ll be more than one dinner,” he decreed. “And I’m tellin’ you now, Millie, Zadie ain’t gettin’ away with this shit.”

Damn it!

“Logan, I’m not sure that’s the right way to go,” I warned.

“I am,” he returned. “Was so f*ckin’ happy to have somethin’ good in my life. Two good, pure things that were mine. That I made. Too f*ckin’ happy. So happy, I f*cked up,” he said. “Cleo’s good ’cause she came out that way. Zadie’s a dreamer ’cause I didn’t cut that shit off when I should.”

Oh no!

This was getting worse.

“Logan, a dreamer isn’t a bad thing,” I informed him.

“It isn’t, you dream of the life you wanna have and you’re willin’ to work for it. It is when you dream of the way you expect life to be and you manipulate or find ways to make everyone around you miserable until you get it. My girl’s spoiled. That’s on me. Her mother doesn’t let her get away with shit like that. And you’re right. She’s ten. She’s young.” He paused ominously. “So she can still learn.”

“You do know, Snooks,” I said quietly, “that you teaching her that lesson, one that will be hard to learn, when I came into her life means she’ll associate that hard knock with me.”

“She can’t sort her head out and see that her father’s happy. Fuckin’ unbelievably happy. Straight up, no shit f*ckin’ with that, for the first time since she’s been breathin’, know that comes from me havin’ her, her sister, and you, and she doesn’t want that for me and holds a grudge against you, then I failed at teachin’ her to learn that lesson right.”