Waiting On You (Blue Heron #3)(38)

“Oh, yeah,” she said without opening her eyes. “You know. Connor’s perfect, Mom’s discovered scrapbooking, and Dad...Dad’s been working a lot.”

Now was the moment.

But the smile on her face...he couldn’t. Stroked her hair instead.

“Hey, I have a summer job lined up,” she said, practically purring under his hand. “Nurse’s assistant at Rushing Creek. Kind of great, don’t you think?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“So that’ll be great. I can work there, take care of Gramp, sock some money away, finish school, and then we can get married and have twelve beautiful children.” She smiled more fully and opened her eyes. “Speaking of that...”

Lucas stopped breathing.

“Speaking of what?” he croaked.

“Kids. Marriage. Eternal love and death do us part. Wanna get married this summer?”

“Are you pregnant?” he managed.

She bolted up. “What? No! Oh, I get it. Sorry. Wow, look at your face. Are you having a heart attack?”

“Yes.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, babe. Not pregnant. I mean, come on. We use two kinds of birth control.” She paused. “But you do want to get married, right?”

He was still digging out of the avalanche of terror. “Uh, sure, mía. Someday, yeah.” He took a deep breath and looked at her face. Shit. Wrong answer. “What?”

She shrugged. Never a good sign.

“What, Colleen?”

“I thought you wanted to get married. To me, specifically.”

This was, unfortunately, one of the few parts of their relationship that stuck a little. Her picture of the future, and his.

To her, there was nothing at all scary or strange about getting married young. Why not? They loved each other. (True.) She wanted to live in Manningsport, preferably down the street from Connor, and have a bunch of kids.

And so did he. Mostly.

Except for the Manningsport thing. He was a Southie. His sister lived in Chicago, not to mention his nieces, and Steph always needed something, whether it was babysitting, or extra money, or a flat tire changed. She was his true family, as opposed to Bryce and Joe and Didi. He hadn’t even called them to let them know he was in Manningsport this weekend, not wanting anything to take away from his time with Colleen.

Marriage, sure. Just not now.

Lucas wanted to get through law school, having decided that was the best way to make a decent living. Colleen wasn’t materialistic, but Lucas would kill himself before having her live in some shitty little apartment the way Stephanie did, bartending nights while he was in law school. She deserved better than that, and until he could give it to her, they weren’t doing anything. He wanted health insurance and sunny rooms and a yard and a dog.

He wanted to provide for his family, and he wasn’t going to have one until he could give them a good life. He wasn’t ever going to be in the same straits his father had been in. Ever.

“Well, this silence doesn’t give me much to go on, does it?” Colleen said, pulling her legs up onto the chair and wrapping her arms around them. She rested her chin on her knees and sighed.

“You know what I want,” he said.

“Yes, I do.”

“It’s you.”

That got a little smile.

“Just not yet, mía.”

“You have this image of me,” she said, “as needing a nice car and three acres and a membership at the country club.” Her voice wavered a little. “And all I want is for us to be together.”

“Attention passengers,” came the voice over the PA. “We’ll now begin boarding for American Flight 227 for Chicago.”

“Crap,” Colleen whispered. “We should have these talks earlier in the weekend next time.”

He kissed her, tasting the salt of her tears. “I’ll miss you,” he said. “I’ll call you when I land.”

“I love you.”

The words almost made it out this time. It didn’t matter. She knew anyway, and despite her wet eyes, she smiled.

“Say it again,” he said.

“I love you. Even if you don’t deserve me.”

“I don’t.”

“You kind of do.” She stood up and hugged him and kissed him again, sending him off with a smile and a pat on the ass, despite her wet eyes.

Next time, he promised himself. Next time he would definitely say the words. And next time, he’d tell her about her father and Gail.

* * *

EXCEPT HE DIDN’T.

How do you break someone’s heart? How do you ensure that someone never sees her father the same way again? He just couldn’t do it.

So he told himself it wasn’t his business. Maybe the affair had blown over by now, anyway. It was the right thing to do, he told himself. Even if agreeing with Pete O’Rourke made him feel unclean. It wasn’t his job.

If his conscience knew that was bullshit, Lucas nonetheless stayed mute on the subject. His arguments for doing nothing sounded good enough. For two months, he tried not to think about it.

One April night, he sat at the front desk at the trading firm where he was one of the night security guards, attempting to read a textbook on commercial torts in anticipation of law school, and instead listening to Bernard detail his conquest the weekend before.