Virgin River (Virgin River #1)(85)

“Help yourself. I’d like to check on Chloe. Lilly inside?”

“Yup. In the kitchen. Go on in—door’s open.” And he immediately stuck his head in the driver’s door, taken with the vehicle.

Mel went around back. Through the kitchen window she could see Lilly’s profile as she sat at the kitchen table. The door was open and only the screen door was closed. She gave a couple of quick raps, called out, “Hey, Lilly,” and opened the door. And was stopped dead in her tracks.

Lilly, too late, pulled the baby blanket over her exposed breast. She was nursing Chloe.

Mel was frozen in place. “Lilly?” she said, confused.

Tears sprang to the woman’s eyes. “Mel,” she said, her voice a mere whisper. The baby immediately started to whimper and Lilly tried to comfort her, but Chloe wasn’t done nursing. Lilly’s cheeks were instantly red and damp; the hands that fussed with her shirt and held the baby were shaking.

“How is this possible?” Mel asked, completely confused. Lilly’s youngest child was grown—she couldn’t possibly have breast milk. But then she realized what had happened. “Oh, my God!” Chloe was Lilly’s baby! Mel walked slowly to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair to sit down because her knees were shaking. “Does everyone in the family know?”

Lilly shook her head, her eyes pinched closed. “Just me and Buck,” she finally said. “I wasn’t in my right mind.”

Mel shook her head, baffled. “Lilly. What in the world happened?”

“I thought they’d come for her—the county. And that someone would want her right off. Some nice young couple who couldn’t have a baby. Then she’d have young parents and I—” she shook her head pitifully. “I just didn’t think I could do it again,”

she said, dissolving into sobs.

Mel got out of her chair and went to her, taking the fussing baby, trying to comfort her. Lilly lay her head down on the table top and wept hard tears.

“I’m so ashamed,” she cried. When she looked up at Mel again she said, “I raised six kids. I spent thirty years raising kids and we got seven grandkids. I couldn’t imagine another one. So late in my life.”

“Wasn’t there anyone you could talk to about this?” Mel asked. She shook her head. “Mel,” she wept. “Country people…Small-town country people know that once you talk about it…No,” she said, shaking her head. “I was sick when I realized I was pregnant and forty-eight years old. I was sick and a little crazy.”

“Did you ever consider terminating the pregnancy?”

“I did, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I make no judgment, but it isn’t in me.”

“What about arranging an adoption?” Mel asked.

“No one in this family, in this town for that matter, would ever understand that. They’d have looked at me like I killed her. Even my friends—good women my age who would understand how I felt, could never accept it if I said I didn’t want to raise another child, my own child. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“And now what do you intend to do?” Mel asked.

“I don’t know,” she wailed. “I just don’t know.”

“What if they come now—social services? Lilly, can you give her up?”

She was shaking her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Oh, God, I wish I had a chance to do it over.”

“Lilly—how did you conceal your pregnancy? How did you give birth alone?”

“No one pays much attention—I’m overweight. Buck helped. Poor Buck—he didn’t even know till it was almost time—I kept it from him, too. Maybe we can adopt her now?”

Mel sat down again, still jiggling the baby. She looked down at Chloe, who was burying her fist in her mouth, squirming and fussing. “You don’t have to adopt her, you gave birth to her. But I’m awful worried about you. You abandoned her. That must have almost killed you.”

“I watched the whole time. Till you and Jack came to the porch. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. It was terrible hard, but I felt like I had to. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“Oh, Lilly,” Mel said. “I’m not sure you’re okay yet. This is just too crazy.” She passed the baby back to Lilly. “Here, nurse your baby. She’s hungry.”

“I don’t know that I can,” she said, but she took the baby. “I might be too upset.”

“Just hook her up—she’ll do the work,” Mel said. When the baby was again at the breast, Mel put her arms around Lilly and just held them both for a few minutes.

“What are you going to do?” Lilly asked, her voice a quivering mess.

“God, Lilly, I don’t know. Do you understand that doctors and midwives protect your confidentiality? If I’d been here when you’d discovered your pregnancy, you could have trusted me with your secret. You could have trusted Doc, or Dr. Stone in Grace Valley. The people in the family planning clinic keep confidential records—they would have helped. But…” She took a breath. “We’re also bound by laws.”

“I just didn’t know where to turn.”

Mel shook her head sadly. “You must have been so scared.”