Vicious Cycle (Vicious Cycle #1)(73)

A gentle knock came at the door. “Alexandra?” Rev’s concerned voice questioned.

“Yeah?” I croaked.

As Rev came through the doorway, I immediately forgot my own pain, and instead, I focused on his. Anguish marred his usually handsome face. In the last twenty-four hours he had lost so much more than me, and the strain was evident on his face. “Are you okay? I heard you shout.”

With a nod, I pulled myself up in bed. “Just a nightmare.”

“I’m sorry.”

“After losing my parents, I should be used to it. I had them for months after they died. I guess it’s only to be expected now.”

“I know what you mean. I had nightmares for years after …” Rev trailed off, a pained expression etched on his face. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to check on you.”

“What time is it?”

“A little after five in the morning.”

“Haven’t you been to bed yet?”

“Can’t seem to lie still.”

Although I had originally come to Deacon’s room in the clubhouse for comfort, I didn’t think I could bear to be alone any longer. “Will you stay with me until I go to sleep?”

Rev’s dark brows shot into his hairline. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

He grimaced. “If Deacon were here, he’d kick my ass for being in bed with his old lady.”

Before I could stop myself, a laugh tumbled from my lips as I imagined Deacon going ballistic at the sight of me and Rev together. At Rev’s surprised expression, I shook my head. “You’re right. He would be pissed if he was here, but he isn’t. And considering he loved us, I think he would want us both to have a little comfort.”

Rev weighed my words before he finally shut the door behind him. He closed the distance between us in two long strides. I scooted over in the bed as he eased down on the mattress. Slowly, he took off his boots. They thumped onto the floor before he collapsed back on the mattress. Without waiting for an invitation, I scooted over to him. He obliged me by raising his arm to let me snuggle up to him and lay my head on his T-shirt-covered chest.

“How’s your mother doing?”

Rev tensed beneath me. “Not good. Breakneck finally had to give her a shot. She’d probably still be pacing the floors and sobbing if he hadn’t.”

Tears overflowed my eyes at the thought of Beth’s grief, sending moisture onto Rev’s shirt. Part of me thought I should be with her. But she had her boys. She and I would grieve together soon.

Everything in my world had turned as black as the charred remains of Case’s house. And then out of nowhere, Willow’s smiling face popped into my mind. A groan of agony escaped my lips, causing Rev’s arm to tighten around me.

“Oh God, Rev, what about Willow? They’re not supposed to be back until Wednesday.”

“I figured we would go get her tomorrow. Tell her in person.”

I couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to tell her, least of all what it would do to her. In the last eight months, she had lost her mother and now the father she had only just begun to know … and to love. “Bless her heart,” I murmured.

“Alexandra, I know it might be too soon to say this, but I need to. Without Deacon, you might think you don’t have a place here anymore, but that isn’t true. You’re our family. We take care of old ladies. More than anything, Willow is going to need you.”

I lifted my head to stare into his troubled eyes. “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. In case you missed it, I need you guys, too. I love you all.”

He jerked his chin at me. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Lying back down, I snuggled close to him. Silence stretched out between us as we were both overwhelmed by our own thoughts and grief. “Thank you for being here, Rev,” I whispered in the dark.

“You’re welcome. And thank you, too.”

Closing my eyes, I let the emotional exhaustion overwhelm me once again, and I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke again from a nightmareless sleep, Rev was gone. Flipping over in the bed, I eyed the clock. It was almost noon. I couldn’t believe I’d managed to sleep that long. Throwing back the covers, I rose from the bed. My arms and legs felt weighted down with the all-consuming grief that besieged me. Sleep had been a welcome respite, but now I was back to experiencing the full range of emotions. I found the hallway quiet and empty when I stepped out to go to the bathroom. Although I desperately needed coffee, my desire for a shower won out over everything else. I turned on the water as hot as it would go before slipping under the stream.

I remained frozen, staring at the worn tile in front of me until the warm water ran out. The icy cold cascading over my head finally woke me up. I washed my hair and body in almost record time, my teeth chattering the entire time. When I got out, I rubbed the towel furiously over me, trying to warm up. I slipped on my robe and headed back to my room.

As I dressed, I heard the sound of a woman’s anguished weeping. It didn’t take me but a second to realize it was Kim’s. Her and Case’s room was across the hall from Deacon’s. While in my own world of torment, I couldn’t begin to imagine her agony. Case had been the love of her life and the father of her children, but more than that, he had been her salvation from a life of hell. My heart ached for her so intensely I began to feel like I was smothering.