Vicious Cycle (Vicious Cycle #1)(52)

Without a word, I walked straight to the bathroom. Before I shut the door, I glanced over my shoulder. “Rev and Bishop are bringing her things. Lay out something for her.”

“Of course. Anything she needs,” Mama Beth replied.

I kicked the door shut with my boot. Then I eased Alex down on the toilet. She looked so f*cking fragile sitting there. With her pale skin, she looked like a china doll that might shatter to pieces. Spinning around, I turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature to lukewarm. I knew anything too hot would be hell on her skin where she’d been lashed.

Once the water was ready, I turned back around. “I need to get you undressed now.”

She glanced up at me through her long lashes before gently letting the blanket fall away from her shoulders. Grimacing, I reached around her back to unhook her bra. When it came undone, Alex momentarily kept the fabric pressed against her. Taking her by the waist, I eased her to her feet. I undid the button on her skirt and let it fall down her legs.

When my fingers grazed the waistband of her panties, I realized how hard she was trembling. “Alex, I don’t need to do this. Let me get Mama Beth.”

“No. I want you,” she replied with a firm resolve in her voice. She let the bra fall from her body. Then she reached for her panties and slid them down her legs. Once she was naked, she stared up at me. “Get undressed.”

“What?” I demanded.

“You’re just as dirty as I am. He’s still on your hands.”

I glanced down to see the reddish stain on my hands and fingers. I hadn’t had much time to scrub up in her kitchen before she had screamed for me. “Fine,” I replied. I’d already abandoned my blood-spattered shirt back at her house, so all that was left was to slide off my jeans. I never wore underwear.

Taking Alex’s hand, I led her over to the shower. When she stepped inside, I followed behind her. The moment the water hit her battered skin, she screamed. “Just give it a minute.”

“I-it’s l-like razor blades,” she sputtered.

“I know. It’ll stop stinging in a minute.”

My heart ached at the tears that streamed down her face. I’d been beaten enough to know what those first few minutes of hell in a bath or a shower felt like. But she’d been so sheltered, so protected, that it was a nightmare for her. And it was all my fault.

Brushing her hair back from her face, I whispered, “Shh. It’s going to be okay.”

She buried her face in my chest and began to cry so hard that her body shook mine. For a moment, my arms stayed at my sides. I was unsure how to handle the situation, especially with her injuries. Then, finally, I wrapped her in my embrace. “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m so f*cking sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“This never would have happened to you if it hadn’t been for me.”

Pulling away, she stared up at me. “You can’t blame yourself.”

“If you hadn’t been involved in my world, you would be at home right now, sleeping in your bed with your dog at your side,” I argued.

With a defeated sigh, she said, “Maybe that’s true. But if me being attacked saved Willow from any harm, then it was worth it. Just as it was worth it to be a part of her life … and yours.”

Cupping her face in my hands, I said, “It’ll f*cking haunt me forever that I didn’t keep you safe enough. I thought I was doing enough having Archer follow you home.”

Her brows shot up in surprise. “You had him follow me?”

I nodded. “I wanted to make sure you got home all right.” Jerking a hand through my hair, I sighed. “But you have my word that with everything I have in me, you’ll never be hurt again.”

“Are you sure you can promise that, Jesse James?” When I opened my mouth to protest, she shook her head. “You’re an outlaw. You and your club live by a different code that I can’t even begin to understand.”

“That outlaw code you’re talking about? I’m going to use it to ensure that you’re never harmed again and that the f*cker who dared to touch you pays.” I stared into her face, searching her expression. “You get me?”

She sucked in a harsh breath as her eyes widened. I knew then she understood what I was going to do to the f*cker who had hurt her. “No one is ever going to hurt you again,” I reiterated.

“I want to believe you, Deacon. But with everything that has happened to me in my life, I’m a realist. I don’t see how that’s possible.” In a low voice, she said, “How we’re possible.”

A crippling panic worked itself over my body. I didn’t like what I thought Alex was saying or what she might be implying. “So what are you trying to say? You don’t want to be a part of my world?”

Reaching past me, she picked up Mama Beth’s body wash. Taking my hand, she squirted some in my palm. “I don’t think I can take a washcloth on my skin right now. Will you be easy?”

I cocked my brows at her. “Will you answer my question?”

She raised her eyes to meet mine. “I can’t right now.”

“You can’t or won’t?”

“I just can’t,” she whispered.

“Fine.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath. Although I couldn’t imagine her not in my world, I had to admit that it made sense she might not want to be in it. Without another word, I rubbed my hands together to make a lather. “Turn around,” I instructed.