Until There Was You(14)

“Oh, yes, of course! And thank you! You’re too nice!” Gretchen cooed.

“Kate?” Posey said. “The time?”

“Where are you two going?” Gretchen asked.

“Um…a class,” Posey said.

“A singles thing,” Kate added, and Posey closed her eyes. Her friend was pathologically honest.

“A singles thing?” Stacia asked, her mouth falling open in dismay. “Why not meet someone the old-fashioned way?”

“On a bender? Or in jail?” Posey asked, earning a glare from her mom.

“I’m just going to keep Posey company,” Kate stated. She picked up a piece of raw onion and ate it. “I’m not really looking.”

“A singles thing? What kind?” Gretchen asked. “I have to admit, I’m intrigued. I’ve never done anything like that. Then again, I meet a lot of people.” She smiled. “Well. You two have fun. Good luck meeting Mr. Right! Do they do background checks at these things? You have to wonder who signs up. Oh, my gosh, that sounded so snooty! I didn’t mean you, Posey.”

“You should come, Gret,” Posey said pointedly. “You’re not seeing anyone these days, are you?”

“As a matter of fact,” Gretchen said, smiling coyly, “I don’t want to name names, but I think we all know a certain blond Brit with a potty mouth, a chain of restaurants and a TV show…but I better not say any more, because he’s actually quite shy. And sweet! You wouldn’t believe it.”

“You’re dating Gordon Ramsay?” Kate barked.

“You didn’t hear that from me,” Gretchen said.

“Isn’t he married?” Posey asked.

“What about Emeril?” Kate said. “Do you know him? Is he short? He seems short.”

“Know him? He’s my mentor,” Gretchen said. “Not as short as you might think. He has a certain earthy charm, don’t you think?”

“Yes!” Kate exclaimed. “I do! When he says ‘Bam,’ I swear, my knees go weak.”

Posey grabbed Kate by the arm. “See you later,” she said. “Bye, Mom. Bye, Gret. Tell Gordon we said hello.” Dragging Kate behind her, she pushed open the back door. “You’re a big fan now? I thought you were my friend!”

“Well, you know how it is,” Kate stammered. “You meet a celebrity, you become an ass. I mean, I haven’t seen her since she lived with you guys in high school, you know? But I’ve watched her since that show started. I got caught up in the moment. Sue me.”

“I should beat you, that’s what I should do.”

“As if,” Kate said, slapping Posey on the back so hard she staggered. “Come on, now. On to meet your future husband. Though if you could find a way to dry-hump Liam’s leg, I’ll bet it’d be the best sex you’ve had in years.”

An hour later, Liam’s leg was looking better and better. It had looked pretty good in the restaurant, but here in the basement hallway of Christ Lutheran Church, the leg was taking on legendary appeal.

Note to self, Posey thought. Avoid singles events in church basements. The AA meeting was just about to wrap up (though the Serenity Prayer could be applied to dating: God grant me the courage to date the men who aren’t idiots, the serenity to accept the fact that many men are idiots, and the wisdom to know the difference).

Kate was busy texting her son, laughing softly. Despite their slightly odd relationship, the two were really close, and Posey couldn’t help the flash of envy she felt. Imagine, being the mother of such a good kid as James. Having him respond to your texts and acknowledge you in public. Posey was James’s godmother and so got a little trickle-down of his wonderfulness, but still. She was thirty-three years old. Her boyfriend—for lack of a better word—didn’t want to take things to the next level, and at best, their relationship was on hold. More likely, it was over.

There were numerous murmurs of denial and explanation as the singletons waited for the alcoholics to finish up. I’ve never done anything like this…?. My sister dragged me here…?. It’s not that I don’t meet people on my own, I’m actually researching a book…?. Match.com kicked me off for violating their no-stalking rule…?. That last one had come from the only cute guy here, Kevin Krepsinski, an old classmate who’d recently gotten out of jail for bank fraud. “Hey, Posey,” he said.

“Kevin. Nice to be out?”

“You bet! You still single?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

Kevin glanced at her chest, then started talking to the woman next to him, a middle-aged woman whose bosom could shelter a family of four and their Bernese mountain dog. Posey sighed. There was Emily Rudeker, who played on Stubby’s Hardware’s softball team; she nodded hello to Posey and Kate (Stubby’s was Guten Tag’s arch rival, having beaten them every game last season, thanks in large part to Posey’s complete inability to hit the ball). There was Reverend Jerry—this was his church, though, yes, he was single. He smiled broadly at Posey, and she smiled back, unsure if that was a Want to date me? smile or just How’s your soul these days?

The appeal of online dating was becoming more and more attractive by the nanosecond. At least you could do that in your PJs. At least you could screen pictures and not end up standing next to a man roughly forty years your senior who smelled like fish. The truth was, Posey had tried to register on a dating website the night Dante dumped her, but lost patience after question number eighty-two.