Until Friday Night (The Field Party #1)(23)

“Two hours before my mother died, I told her she was ruining my life,” Maggie said, then let out a bitter laugh. “Because I wanted to go to a party that my friend was having at her house, and my mother didn’t feel like there was proper adult supervision there. I wanted to go so bad. I had thought her not letting me go was the end of the world. The worst thing that could happen to me. If I had only known two hours later that I’d lose her . . . that I would find out what the worst thing that could ever happen to me truly felt like.”

I closed my eyes and felt her regret heavy inside me as if it were my own. She had been a fifteen-year-old girl wanting to grow up. She had been acting out like all teenagers did. Hell, I had my fair share of screw-ups. It was just so f*cking unfair that she’d lost her mother that way before she could fix it. Before she could apologize and make it right.

“She knew you didn’t mean it,” I told her, feeling like the words were inadequate. But I didn’t know what else to say.

“I hope so. But it will always be my biggest regret,” she replied.

I Was a Liar. Fantastic.

CHAPTER 15

MAGGIE

I woke up with my phone on my pillow. Then I had lain there and just stared at it for several minutes. I’d talked to West for more than three hours last night. Until I’d fallen asleep. Hearing my own voice when I knew he needed me to talk to him wasn’t hard. Yet the idea of speaking to someone else terrified me.

For so long I’d thought hearing my voice again would send me back into the corner, screaming uncontrollably. But it wasn’t doing that. I was talking to West with ease. Last night I had actually talked about things I’d thought I never wanted to talk about again. And I hadn’t had a panic attack or curled up into a ball and whimpered.

But was I ready to talk to other people?

No. I’d given them the only words I was going to give them.

I didn’t want them asking me things like West had. I didn’t want them making me speak in a courtroom where I would have to face my father. The man who had never missed seeing me cheer. Who’d clapped the loudest at my school play when I’d walked out as a bear instead of Goldilocks, which was who I’d really wanted to be. Who’d sung “Happy Birthday” to me dressed in a Superman costume with my Marvel comics cake in his hands the year I was obsessed with superheroes. That man was dead to me now. He had made every good memory a bad one. He had become something else. Someone else. Someone I couldn’t talk about or see.

If I talked, they’d want me to talk about him. About what I saw him do. About how he begged me to forgive him as I screamed for my mother to wake up. And I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t ready. I doubted I ever would be. I had watched him verbally and sometimes physically abuse my mother most of my life. Then he’d buy her jewelry or flowers and tell both of us over and over how much he adored us. Remembering the way he would refer to us as “my girls” made my stomach churn.

Climbing out of bed, I began to get dressed and put those memories that were threatening to break through back in the tightly shut box I kept them in.

Brady parked the truck in front of school, but instead of getting right out, he looked over at me. I’d been lost in my thoughts all morning.

“West has been my best friend since we were little kids. I love him like a brother. I hate that he’s gone through all this with his dad alone, but it’s also so like him. He doesn’t let people get too close. He’s never been one to trust people. He always trusted me, though. Until this.” He paused and sighed heavily. “He’s decided to trust you. I think he’s being honest about wanting to just be your friend. But I also worry about you getting attached to him. You’ve been through your own pain, Maggie. I don’t want him to use you. He won’t mean to, but I’m afraid he will. Please guard yourself. Understand he needs you right now. Maybe having someone to talk to that doesn’t talk back is what he needs, and you fit that bill. But just don’t let him hurt you. Okay?”

I thought about my attraction to West. He was hard not to be attracted to. But I wasn’t going to take his need to have someone who understood the pain of losing a parent as something more. I knew he didn’t look at me that way. Heck, he didn’t even act like we’d ever kissed. It had been no big deal to him, and I had forgiven him for the harsh cruelty I’d seen in him before. I understood he’d been acting out because he was hurting. He pushed everyone away. But he wasn’t pushing me away anymore, and now it was hard to remember to keep him at arm’s length.

I just nodded. I appreciated that Brady was trying to protect me.

He reached for the truck door and opened it. That was the end of this conversation. I grabbed my book bag and headed into school.

I would be lying to myself if I said my stomach wasn’t all fluttery about getting to see West. Last night had been as special as it had been difficult. Even after Brady gave me a warning I really needed to listen to, I couldn’t help but feel very giddy about being near West. Having him look at me and talk to me.

When I saw our lockers, I paused. The giddiness and fluttery feeling in my stomach was snatched away instantly. West was there, but so was some girl. She was a cheerleader. I knew that from watching her at the pep rally. Her long blond hair was curled and styled to perfection as she bit her bottom lip and batted her eyes up at West. Then there was the way West was looking at her. The way he never looked at me. Like he wanted to eat her up.