Undone by Her Tender Touch (Pregnancy & Passion #4)(51)

He put his hand to her face. “My God, Pippa, I thought I’d lost you when I saw the fire and the smoke and all those fire trucks and ambulances.”

The cold, lifeless eyes that stared back at him sent chills down his spine. This wasn’t the Pippa he knew. This was someone else entirely. Someone he’d made with his indifference and his determination not to get emotionally involved with her.

“I knew this would happen. I knew something would happen and I’d lose you both, and that fear controlled me. It made me do and say horrible things. Things I didn’t mean, Pippa.”

“You’re a moron,” she bit out. “You already lost me. The only difference was I didn’t die in the fire. But for all practical purposes I’m dead to you. You lost both of us long before this happened. You spend so much time trying to shield yourself from hurt and you don’t give a damn who you hurt in the process. How’s that working out for you, Cam? Because from where I stand it sucks. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to go home and go to bed.”

You already lost me.

It was a crippling blow even as he knew it was the truth.

As she pushed by him, he caught her hand, allowing his fingers to trail over it. Then the connection was lost and she turned away.

Cam watched her go, numbness creeping through his body with insidious speed. Her words had penetrated the wall around his heart, the one he’d erected after losing Elise and Colton.

Tears burned his eyes until he blinked to ease the discomfort. She’d stormed right past that supposed barrier the first time he’d ever seen her across a crowded room. There had been no defense no matter how hard he’d tried. No keeping her out. No lying to himself.

He loved her. Had loved her from the start. He’d never really believed in love at first sight until Pippa. His dumb ass had known even then that she was a threat. And so he’d pushed her away. Tried everything in his power to tell himself he didn’t love her, that he didn’t want to love her.

But he did. He wanted to love her more than he wanted to live.

And now it was too damn late.

A hand came down on his shoulder. Startled, he looked to the side to see that Devon had come back to get him.

“I think it’s time you and I had the same talk that I had with Rafe right after I screwed things up so badly with Ashley that I feared I’d never get her back.”

Cam shoved his hands into his pockets, despair and hopelessness weighing down on him from all sides.

Devon pulled him along, herding him toward the doors. When they got to the parking lot, he shoved Cam inside the car and then walked around to get into the driver’s seat. When they were on their way, Devon glanced over at Cam.

“Go big or go home.”

Cam rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Stop talking in riddles. Just say it, man.”

“I’m saying it. You gotta go big or go home. This is it, Cam. You’re playing for all the marbles. For your future. For your son’s future. This is your last chance. You won’t ever get another. It’s time to pull your head out of your ass and start living again. You’re going to have to crawl to Pippa on your hands and knees and lick her shoes if that’s what it takes.”

“I said some unforgivable things.”

Devon shrugged. “Define unforgivable. It’s only unforgivable if she refuses to forgive you. And you don’t know if she will because you haven’t begged for it.”

“I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to me again.”

“Neither would I, but are you going to throw in the towel just because you’re a huge ass and don’t deserve another chance with her? Hell, man, we’ve all screwed up. Rafe, Ryan, me and now you. We seem to have a common thread of being the biggest bastards on the face of the earth when it comes to the women we love. But you know what? Bryony forgave Rafe. Kelly forgave Ryan. Ashley forgave me and Pippa will forgive you. You just have to give her the opportunity and the right motivation.”

“I love her.”

“I know you do. I think you’re the only idiot who didn’t know it until now.”

“I can’t believe what I almost did,” Cam said painfully. “I tried to deny her. I tried to deny my own son. How do you ever get over something like that?”

“The key word is almost,” Devon said. “Tell her you’re a dumb ass and then swear you’ll wise up and never be a dumb ass again.”

Cam sighed. “I just hope she’ll listen.”

“You make her listen. If she means enough to you, then you won’t give up so easily.”

Mean enough? She was his damn world. Her and their son. It was time to take a chance. The biggest chance of his life. It could end badly. They could be taken from him just like Elise and Colton had been.

But it could also end wonderfully. A long life filled with love and laughter. More children. Pippa’s love and her smile. Wasn’t that worth the risk?

Twenty-four

“Pippa, darling, Cam is here to see you, and I should warn you that he’s vowed to sleep outside our door until you agree to talk with him.”

Pippa stared back at Gloria Copeland, her mouth dropping open in astonishment.

“Are you serious?”

Gloria nodded. “I’m afraid so. He does seem quite determined. I would have thought it an empty threat but he’s carrying an overnight bag with him.”