Thrill Me (Fool's Gold #18)(62)

“It would be a killer budget. For what you want to do, it’s not necessary. Frankly, that much production would get in the way. The kids can learn to ignore one person with a camera, but all those other people milling around?” She shook her head. “It would drive the story. By the time they started to ignore it, you’d have to be moving on.”

She angled her chair toward his. “So not the people, but I could sure get into the equipment. I have lens envy.”

“Just the lenses, not the camera?”

“Cameras are easy. It’s the lenses that kill you. Have you thought about applying for a grant? There must be several that you could qualify for. I’ve heard that writing grant proposals is a pain, but it could be worth it.”

“Something to think about,” he told her. In truth he didn’t need grant money. He’d sold his company for enough that he could afford to buy Maya any lens she wanted. A whole set, even. But he didn’t say that because he wouldn’t be buying them for her. He would be buying them for himself, or a camera guy, if he took one along.

Come with me. The words were there, just a breath away. All he had to do was say them. Make the offer. They could travel the world together.

Would she do it? Leave everything she’d ever known behind to travel with him? He had his doubts. Maya had always been more interested in the sensible choice. She hadn’t been willing to gamble on him before—when he’d had a stable kind of life to offer her. Why would she be willing to risk it all on him now? And even if she said she was, could he trust her to tell the truth? To follow through?

“You could talk to Mayor Marsha,” she said.

It took him a second to realize she was still talking about the grants.

“She seems to have all the answers,” he said.

“Not all of them.” She sighed. “Did you know someone in town gave me a scholarship and I can’t find out who? I’m sure Mayor Marsha knows, but she’s not telling.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Mostly to thank them. It was a full ride. They paid for everything. I couldn’t have gone to college without it.”

Del put his hand over hers and squeezed her fingers. “That’s not true. You would have found another way. You were determined.”

“I’m not so sure.” She looked at him, then away. “I didn’t grow up here, like you did. My mom wasn’t exactly supportive. She used to tell me how much better her life would have been if I hadn’t been around.”

“You know she’s wrong about that. She was unhappy and taking it out on you.”

“Yeah, I know, but believing it in my head and believing it in my heart are two different things. She always said I wouldn’t ever amount to anything. That I was a screwup and useless. The thing I was best at was making her unhappy and disappointing her. So when I say I don’t know if I would have gotten through college on my own, I mean it. If I’d had to work two jobs, plus go to class... What if I’d heard her words in my head? What if I’d stopped believing in myself?”

“You didn’t.”

“Because I didn’t have to. So it’s not just about the money. Whoever gave me that scholarship allowed me to succeed, despite my past.”

She pulled her hand free and turned toward him. “When I was little, I used to read all those stories about white knights coming to the rescue. I knew early on that no one was going to rescue me. That I had to rescue myself. I don’t know if that’s a good lesson or a bad one, but I haven’t been able to let it go.”

“It’s what makes you strong.”

“Maybe. And being strong is important. I get that. But kids also need hope. Understanding that is one of the reasons I’m so interested in your project. Kids need to know that it’s okay to want a decent future and believe it’s possible. They need to see what else is out there. Moving here allowed me to believe, for the first time ever, that I just might be able to go to college. To have a better life. Teachers were there for me. Being smart and doing well in school was actually rewarded.”

She paused, then gave him a slightly embarrassed smile. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that.”

“Don’t apologize. I don’t share your experience, but I appreciate that you went through it. I grew up here. I always had a place, not to mention expectations.”

“Ah, yes. The Mitchell family. Be an artist or take care of those who are creative.”

“We have two functions in life. There’s no middle ground.”

She studied him. “Did you find middle ground by leaving?”

“Yeah, thanks to you.”

“No, you found it on your own. I was simply the kick in the pants you needed to break free. And as my motives were completely selfish, not to mention ridiculously immature, I won’t take credit at all.”

“You weren’t immature,” he told her. “You were scared. How could you have trusted me? There’d never been anyone you could trust. Love was just a word.”

“If that’s true, why did it hurt so much to lose you?”

Her tone was light when she asked the question, but he sensed they were treading into dangerous territory. He and Maya had already had their chance. Their time.

Despite the tension in the room, he forced himself to lean back and speak casually. He chuckled. “You had to miss me, Maya. Come on. I’m a catch.”