Three Wishes(93)

Lily stared at her still confused. “And?”

Laura’s hand squeezed Lily’s arm. “And it’s been two weeks,” Laura finished as if that explained everything.

Lily shook her head, still not comprehending and Laura moved closer to her.

“The last time you were together, you disappeared into thin air after two weeks. Nathaniel left home in the morning and you were there. He came back in the evening and you were gone, not a trace of you left, just like you disappeared in a puff of smoke.” She paused as Lily’s eyes widened in understanding. “Now you’ve been back together for two weeks and Nathaniel, well, Nathaniel would know the significance of that. He’d remember it, he remembers everything.”

“But Laura, I didn’t disappear. We…” Lily stopped and bit her lip, then forged ahead. “We don’t have to go into that. But Nate knows that I didn’t go anywhere then and I’m not going anywhere now.”

Maxine chimed in. “The mind plays tricks on us, sweetling. We can know something rationally but not believe it. Trust me, I’m the most irrationally rational person there is, or is that the most rationally irrational?” she asked Laura and Laura gave her a weak smile.

“This is ridiculous, Nate can’t think…” She didn’t finish, couldn’t fathom it. He was there, she was there, Tash was there, the Roberts, even Fazire seemed to be behaving himself, or as close as Fazire could get. Then she started again. “I’m not going to go anywhere.”

Laura cut in. “There are things about Nate you don’t know.”

It was at these words that Lily’s frustration at not knowing about Nate, not understanding why his shields were up, why the impenetrable armour shrouded his heart, broke through like a rocket.

“Yes, you’re right. There is a lot that I don’t know about Nate,” she clipped out in a low, angry voice. “A lot he doesn’t say, a lot he doesn’t share. He didn’t let me in eight years ago and he isn’t letting me in now. And not letting me in before meant that he let me go. Do you know what that means for now? How that makes me feel? Especially now, with Tash? I’m living with a complete stranger!”

“Lily –” Laura interrupted but Lily continued, on a roll and it was difficult stopping one of Lily’s rolls.

“He didn’t trust me then and he doesn’t trust me now and I’m telling you, I’m sick of it. I can’t ask, because he won’t tell me. I can’t –”

“Lily –” It was Maxine this time but Lily was not to be stopped.

“It’s like… like, he’s encased in ice and a suit of steel. I can’t reach him. Even if I were to try to pick away at it, take a blow torch to it, somehow he’s just… simply… removed.”

Laura moved in closer, grabbed both of Lily’s arms and gave her a bit of a shake.

“Lily, quiet!” she whispered urgently. “You’re making a scene and they may come out.”

“I don’t care!” Lily quite liked the idea of a scene. Maybe if she made a scene she might get somewhere.

Laura shook her head again and started to look panicked.

Then Lily grabbed hold of Laura the same way Laura was holding her. “You have to tell me, Laura. If you know what it is, what’s behind that door that Nate has so firmly closed, you have to tell me.”

Laura shook her head, her panic turning strangely to fear.

“Please, you must,” Lily begged.

“I can’t. It’s not my place. He’d never forgive me. He hides it. He puts so much effort into hiding it, like it was wrong, like it was dirty. Yet he seems somehow… proud of it. But he’d never forgive me if I told you, never. And, Lily, I couldn’t bear to lose him, he’s the only child I have left.”

There it was again, “wrong” Laura said, “dirty”. And Victor had said “Nathaniel suffered”. All these ominous words that described him and Lily, who he was supposed to be marrying, spending the rest of his life with, who was the mother of his child, didn’t seem to have the right to know.

She’d had enough of the secrets, hints, hedging and silence, she was sick to death of it. Whatever it was caused her to lose him eight years ago and it was pulling her firmly away from him now. Or, more to the point, keeping her distant.

Nate, she instantly decided, wasn’t the only one who could close down. Two could play that game.

Lily abruptly let go of Laura and turned back the way they came. “I’m going back to the house.”

“No!” Laura and Maxine exclaimed at the same time. “You can’t go back. You have to stay with him. If you go back he’ll be worried,” Laura went on.

“Let him be worried,” Lily flared. “At least that will mean he feels something.”

Laura’s face changed again, this time to motherly disappointment. “Lily, you know that’s not fair. You know that Nathaniel feels everything, especially for you.”

“No, Laura, I don’t know that. If he did, he’d trust me with whatever this horrible secret is.” Laura closed her eyes in despair and Lily didn’t wait for her to open them again. “Just tell them I have a headache and that I went back.”

Without waiting for a response, she turned and practically ran back to the house (as much as she could run in flip flops).