Three Wishes(111)

Lastly, he was wondering if there were blind nuns in the Pyrenees who made tailored shirts out of rare silk and he was hoping Lily didn’t have their phone number.

Lily walked out of the bathroom wearing another pair of short drawstring pyjama shorts, these were light blue with green polka-dots and they were topped by a fitted green camisole. She was rubbing lotion into her hands and arms that made the room smell of almonds. He noticed, and was pleased to see, that she’d gained some weight in the past weeks, her too-thin body filling out into the lush curves he was more familiar with and he vastly preferred.

He watched her walk toward the bed, graceful and unaffected, having no idea that even in her pyjamas, she was more elegant than any woman he’d ever met.

She jumped up and landed on her knees at the end of the bed, sitting on her calves. Her eyes found his and she smiled at him but Nate noticed her smile was warm but guarded.

He gave up all pretence of reading and tossed the papers on the bedside table.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, correctly reading her face.

Her eyes lit with a knowing look, not surprised he surmised her troubled thoughts and asked about them. To Nate’s way of thinking, time was too precious not to cut to the chase immediately, most especially any time with Lily.

She tilted her head to the side and bit her lip.

Then, releasing it, she said, “Promise you won’t get mad?”

Nate wanted to laugh but he didn’t. Lily on the end of their bed smiling at him, however guarded, Tash downstairs asleep and exhausted from an exciting day that centred around Lily’s generosity, his parents in Lily’s old room, now the guest bedroom, with all that, there was practically no way he could get mad.

Of course, after what he expected she considered his irrational response to her giving him a present, a response he knew wasn’t at all irrational, he could understand her concern.

“I won’t get mad,” he assured her softly then, deciding she was too far away, he commanded in an even softer voice, “Come here.”

She shook her head, her smile fading and he felt something constrict in his chest as he witnessed its loss.

“I need to tell you something and I think I better do it from here.”

He kept silent and felt his shields go up as he watched her warily.

She took a deep breath.

“It’s all my fault,” she declared.

He stayed silent at her strange declaration.

She hesitated and then spoke again. “Everything that’s happened to us, it’s all my fault.”

He still didn’t speak, this time because he could not imagine how Lily had turned things around in her head to think that anything she’d done could make what had happened to them her fault.

“You see,” she went on, “these past eight years, I knew I should, I wanted to but something always got in the way but I always knew I should go to Victor and Laura and I didn’t.”

Finally he understood her worry. His shields went down and he broke his silence. “Lily, darling, come here.”

She shook her head again, her red-gold hair brushing her shoulder.

“I need you to know, to say this. Nate, I couldn’t afford it. I could have called them but what do you say? I was ill, at first, but that’s no excuse. I mean, I got better then it was years –”

“Lily –” he interrupted but she was on a roll and getting agitated. He knew this because she jumped off the bed and began pacing.

“I wrote them letters, dozens of them, trying to explain. I thought I could do it better by writing it. I’m a good writer, a long time ago, I even won awards. I never told you that.” She stopped and looked at him as if shy of this admission then she brought up her hands and her fingers started to fidget, clenching and unclenching. “If I’d gone to them, if I’d called, just sent one letter, I can’t even understand myself why I didn’t send –”

Nate decided this was enough. He threw off the covers, knifed off the bed and advanced on her. He was not about to allow her to berate herself for Danielle and Jeffrey’s deception, not after what she’d been through.

She didn’t retreat but when his arms went around her, she kept her hands between them and pressed them against his chest. She tilted her head back and looked at him, her eyes were tormented. At the sight, he felt fury blaze through him but, as he’d promised her, he kept it firmly under control.

She went on quietly. “I thought they knew about my parents dying, I thought they knew and they didn’t care about me enough to –”

His arms tightened but her hands pushed against him to keep some distance.

“Lily, I don’t want to hear –” he started.

She shook her head again. “You have to know that’s what I thought, even though it sounds awful. I thought they might be like Jeff and Danielle, I know it wasn’t right but part of me –”

He saw the tears spring to her eyes and he decided it was a good thing he’d likely never see his sister and brother again for he would not be responsible for what he did.

“I need to explain to them, I need to apologise,” Lily went on.

His arms went from around her and he wrapped his fingers around her wrists, pulling her hands from between their bodies, he gently manoeuvred her against the length of him. When he released her, she slid her arms around his waist and leaned into him and he framed her face with his hands.