Three Nights with a Scoundrel (Stud Club #3)(10)

He was not amused.

“I said, very well. I’ll offer you a bargain. I will reenter society. But only if you come with me.”

His expression went from displeasure to confusion.

“Come now. This is a bright, clear autumn afternoon.” She gestured at the bare-branched trees above them, so starkly outlined against the blue sky. “A perfect day to come out of mourning.”

“Come out of mourning? But …”

“Don’t misunderstand. We will never forget Leo. That would be impossible. But he would want us to move forward with our lives. We are both of us healthy and reasonably young, and we reside in one of the largest, grandest cities in Christendom. Let’s go out, see our friends. Have fun.”

“Fun?” His expression was incredulous. “The two of us?”

“Yes, fun. Amusement. Good cheer. I know it’s been awhile, but surely you remember the concept? You were always the life of a party before.”

“Yes, before. This is after.”

She gentled her demeanor. “It won’t come naturally. Not at first. But we simply cannot go on as we are. We must push ourselves to seek amusement and company. If we pretend to be happy convincingly enough, perhaps we will succeed in convincing ourselves.”

In truth, going to parties was the last thing in the world Lily felt like doing. But she could think of no other way to divert Julian from his reckless, pointless search. She had to do something.

He pushed a hand through his unruly black hair. “You just said you don’t want to marry.”

“I don’t. But since you insist … I’m willing to give a few gentlemen the opportunity to change my mind.”

“A few gentlemen? You’ll be besieged. Attend one party, and they’ll be milling three-deep on your doorstep the next morning.”

“Then I should think you’d be pleased.”

Oddly enough, Julian did not look especially pleased. He gave no answer, except to feint at a cluster of nearby pigeons, setting the creatures aflutter.

“Settle your feathers,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “If you want me to attract suitors, I need the company of a trusted friend. I need you. In social settings, Leo helped me manage in a hundred small ways. It will be difficult without him.”

“Difficult” did not begin to describe the prospect of facing society without her brother. Over the years, they’d developed a system for large gatherings. He helped her follow the conversation, let her know if she was speaking too softly or too loudly. Without him, Lily wasn’t sure how she’d manage at all. But she would find a way, if it meant saving Julian. He insisted it would only take a few events to have suitors thronging her doorstep. Well, perhaps it would take just a few events to remind him of his zest for life, pull him out of this deep well of sorrow. She could only pray.

“Lily, I cannot be your escort. It’s not appropriate. You’re aware of my reputation.”

“Yes. I’m aware of it.”

“I seduce women. It’s what I do. I enter into illicit affaires with what’s become quite tedious regularity. At one of my clubs, there’s a garland stretching the length of the billiard room, fashioned solely from the garters of my paramours.”

“I said, I’m aware of your reputation.” Lily’s mouth twisted. “But thank you so much for that vivid illustration.”

“It’s revolting, I know. It wasn’t my idea. They aren’t even truly the garters of my paramours,” he explained, scratching the back of his neck. “The fellows just string a new one up whenever I’ve—”

“Really. No further explanation is necessary.” She fought the blush creeping up her face. Men, and their tasteless displays of virility. “At any rate, you needn’t worry. I promise not to hamper your amatory pursuits.”

“No, that’s not it.” He made an impatient gesture. “You’ll be ruined. That’s the problem. If you’re seen with me too often, you’ll be tainted by association.”

“Ah, but only an impoverished lady must guard her reputation. People overlook those things where rank and fortune are involved.” She smiled. “Everyone will understand we are only friends. And even if they don’t … I must admit, it might give me a little thrill to be assumed one of your many conquests. Better than being thought an invalid. I may send one of my garters to your club.”

“Don’t even joke like that.” His face clouded, and he shifted his long limbs with restless vigor. She feared for the pigeons again.

He went on, “There are other reasons.”

“Such as …?”

“I simply haven’t the time. I’m busy. There are still places I haven’t searched, men I haven’t interviewed. I don’t have time for parties. For God’s sake, I haven’t even been round to the club in months.”

Precisely my point.

“Julian, it’s a few evenings of your time. I’m not asking for forever.” When he set his jaw and looked away, she sighed. “Leo was killed. His murderers may never be found. It was a devastating tragedy. We have grieved and mourned and suffered. But now I have accepted the reality and decided to move forward. Don’t I deserve a chance to enjoy life again?”

“Of course you do, but I—” He bit off his reply.