Then Came You (The Gamblers #1)(80)

“It was all because of Penny,” she said in a small voice.

He smiled derisively. “She was an excuse. You did it all because you wanted me.”

“Conceited ass!” she exclaimed, turning pink.

“Is it all conceit on my part? Then tell me you want me out of your life.”

“I want you out of my life,” she said readily.

“Tell me the past two nights have meant nothing to you.”

“They haven’t!”

“Tell me you never want to see me again.”

“I…” Lily stared at the handsome, intent face above hers, and the words could not be dragged from her throat.

Alex smoothed her hair gently. “Tell me,” he whispered, gazing down at her. “And then I’ll leave you alone.”

Lily tried again. “I never…” Her chest hurt with the effort. She couldn’t allow him to complicate her life more than it already was. But the thought of driving him away filled her with inexplicable fear. If only he would say something else, something that would convince her one way or the other. But he didn’t help her; he stayed tormentingly silent. She tried to sort through her mixed-up feelings. If only he weren’t so strong-willed. If only he were compliant and manageable. He could ruin what little chance she had of regaining her daughter.

Her heart thumped hard, making it difficult for her to speak. “Would you…” She wet her dry lips and forced herself to continue. “Would you really go away if I asked you to? As easily as that?”

Alex’s thick lashes lowered as he watched the tip of her tongue sweep across the winsome curve of her lower lip. “No,” he said thickly. “I just wanted to see if you would say it.”

“Oh, God.” She gave a frightened, wondering laugh. “I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?”

Lily began to shake. She had always been able to face her defeats and hardships with defiant courage, and no one, not even Giuseppe, had been able to take down her defenses. Only Alex was able to do this to her. “I don’t know,” she cried, and buried her face against him. “I don’t know.”

“Sweetheart.” He spread swift, hard kisses over her small ear and neck and shoulder. His arms went around her in a crushing embrace.

“I w-would prefer to be your mistress,” she said miserably.

“All or nothing. That’s how it is with us.” He pushed her hair back from her forehead, and gave her a crooked grin. “Besides, marrying you is the only way I can have Burton as my butler.” He kissed her. “Say yes.” His fingers curled into her hair. “Say it, darling,” he whispered.

Lily managed to convince herself she was doing it for the money. She was afraid to admit to herself that there was another, even more compelling reason behind her acceptance. As Alex’s wife, she would be extraordinarily rich. She would have enough money to buy back Nicole, and if Giuseppe still refused to be accommodating, she would hire some “Learies,” the highly trained city officers held in such renown. The one she had employed before, Mr. Knox, hadn’t been of much use, but now she could afford to hire a dozen. She’d have them pick the city apart until her daughter was returned to her. After that it didn’t matter what happened. After discovering that she was the mother of a bastard child—which she intended to keep—Alex would quickly agree to an annulment, or possibly a divorce. She would move to some quiet, peaceful place with her daughter. Alex would be none the worse off, except for some justifiable anger about her deception. But he would find someone else, some pretty young girl who’d bear him a dozen heirs.

In the meanwhile, Lily intended to take pleasure in the time she had with him. There would be more nights spent in the bedroom with the cloud-and-sky ceiling. There would be time to talk, tease, and provoke him. She’d never had that kind of relationship with a man. The closest she had ever come was her odd, passionless friendship with Derek Craven. But unlike Derek, Alex was possessive of her, protective to a fault, all too wiling to involve himself in her problems. Lily thought that perhaps she might secretly let herself enjoy the feeling of belonging to someone. For one brief time in her life she would know what it was like to call a man “husband.”

Alex made the impossible assertion that they would be married that very afternoon. Lily knew his haste was born of his suspicion that she might suddenly change her mind. He was absolutely right. She changed her mind every ten minutes. Alex sent for her maid Annie and arranged for her to be brought to Swans’ Court, bearing the necessary clothes and toiletries.

Lily fretted while she dressed in a soft yellow cotton gown with multipuff sleeves. The modestly high neckline was bordered with embroidered openwork lace. “I look like a country maid in this gown,” she muttered, staring at herself in the mirror while Annie fastened the silk loops in back. “And all of fifteen years old. Why didn’t you bring something more sophisticated?”

“ ’Tisn’t the dress that makes you look young, miss,” Annie said, smiling over her shoulder. “ ’Tis your face.”

Lily sat in front of the rectangular gilt-framed mirror at the dressing table, and peered at her reflection curiously. With annoyance, she realized that Annie was right. The natural pink of her lips was a deeper shade than usual, slightly swollen from Alex’s ravaging kisses of the night before. Her face was different, soft and luminous and vulnerable. Even a brushing of powder couldn’t tone down the rosy color of her skin, which had always been so fashionably pale. She didn’t look at all like the bold woman who rooked all the pigeons at Craven’s. Her cynical, mocking stare, which she had used to such satisfying effect, had lost all its potency. Her eyes were as guileless and open as Penelope’s. As she stared at herself, she remembered the carefree days of her teens, when she had been a passionate girl wildly infatuated with Harry Hindon. Not since then had she felt such stirrings inside herself.