Then Came You (The Gamblers #1)(104)

“Nicole.” His voice sounded thick and odd.

“How did you know that?” she asked in dull amazement.

“You spoke it in your sleep.”

“Of course.” She smiled with self-derision, tears running down her face. “I seem to be quite active in my sleep.”

“Go on.”

Lily wiped at her cheeks with her sleeve, and steadied her voice. “For two years I lived with Nicole and Aunt Sally in Italy. I kept my baby a secret from everyone but Giuseppe. I thought he had a right to know, that he might take an interest in her. He didn’t care, of course. He didn’t come to see us. Sally died during that time, and all I had left was Nicole. Then one day I came back from the market, and…” Her voice faltered. “She was gone. Giuseppe had taken her. I knew he had her, because later he brought me the dress she was wearing that day. He kept my baby in hiding and refused to give her back. He asked for money. It was never enough…he wouldn’t let me see her, and he kept demanding more. The authorities couldn’t find her. Giuseppe was involved in other illegal activities, and he was forced to leave Italy to avoid prosecution. He told me he was bringing my daughter to London, and I followed him here. I hired a Learie officer to search for Nicole. All he managed to discover was that Giuseppe had become part of an organization, an underworld that has taken root in many countries.”

“Derek Craven knows about it,” Alex said tonelessly.

“Yes. He’s tried to help me, but it’s impossible. Giuseppe holds all the cards.” She tried to get control over herself. “I’ve tried everything, I’ve done what he asked, but it goes on and on. Every night I wonder if Nicole is sick, if she’s crying, if she needs me and I’m not there. If she’s forgotten me.” Her throat clenched in agony, and all she could force out was a whisper. “He showed Nicole to me just the other day…I’m certain it was her…but he wouldn’t let me touch her, or speak to her…I don’t think she recognized me.” The words dried in her throat. Lily felt as if she would shatter at the slightest touch. She needed to be alone…she had never been so defenseless in her life. But as she managed to break her paralysis and step away, she felt his hands close over her upper arms. Suddenly she began to shudder with the force of incoherent sobs torn from deep within her. Swiftly he turned her, and held her against his broad chest as she crumpled against him, crying with wretched, uncontrollable gasps, with the force of emotions that had been pent up for years.

Hot fears flooded from her eyes onto his shirt. Clutching at him, Lily crawled into his arms, the only safe haven in the world. She writhed frantically to get closer, but slowly she comprehended that there was no need to struggle, he was not going to let go of her. One of his hands cupped the back of her head, securing it against his shoulder. “It’s all right, darling,” he whispered, stroking her dark curls. “It’s all right. You’re not alone anymore.”

She tried to stifle the agonized sounds that seemed to be ripped from her throat, but the convulsive sobs wouldn’t stop. “Easy,” he murmured in her hair, stroking her trembling body as she gave in to her shattering grief. “I understand now,” he continued hoarsely, his own eyes stinging. “I understand everything.” He would have willingly given his life to spare her such suffering. He kissed her hair, her wet face, the small hands that clung to his shoulders. Wishing fiercely that he could draw her pain into his own body, he held her hard against his sheltering strength. Finally she wilted against him, her tears abating. “We’ll find out what happened to her,” he said roughly. “We’ll get her back, no matter what it takes. I swear it.”

“You should hate me,” she said brokenly. “You should leave me—”

“Hush.” His grip tightened, just short of bruising her. “Do you think so little of me? Damn you.” He crushed his lips in her hair. “You don’t understand anything about me. Did you think I wouldn’t want to help you? That I would abandon you if I knew?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Damn you,” he repeated, his voice choked with anger and love. He forced her face upward. The hopelessness in her eyes caused a cold pressure to squeeze around his heart.

Alex summoned a servant to show him a way they could discreetly leave the house without being witnessed by the guests. He bid the same servant to give a message to Lady Lyon that Lily was ill with a headache and had left the ball precipitately. Leaving Lily alone to rest for a moment, Alex took a quick, determined tour through the Lyon mansion, but wisely Giuseppe had taken his leave.

Lily was so drained that she was forced to lean on Alex as they left. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to their enclosed chariot, declining to give explanations to the surprised footmen. Once inside, he reached for her, but she warded him off gently, telling him in a queer voice that she was fine. They headed home at a rapid pace, while Alex struggled with overwhelming thoughts and emotions.

It devastated him to know what Lily had gone through. She had chosen to endure it alone, she had chosen to withdraw and build up defenses on that foundation of secrets, she had willingly chosen every moment of solitude…but knowing all that didn’t stop the grief he felt on her behalf. He couldn’t give her back the years. He couldn’t even be certain of giving her back Nicole, though he would move heaven and earth in the effort. Burning rage spread through him, as if it were seeping out from the marrow of his bones. He was angry at her, at Derek, at the damned useless detectives, at the Italian bastard who had caused such misery, and he was angry at himself.