The Viper (Highland Guard #4)(94)

She was aware the other men were watching but didn’t care. Fear had swallowed her pride. “Wait! Lachlan, wait!”

He was nearly at the corridor when he came to an abrupt stop. Slowly, he turned around, his expression dark and forbidding as he watched her approach. He held himself stiffly—remotely—as if the distance between them were already insurmountable.

Aware of the eyes on them, Bella felt the heat rush to her cheeks. What had she intended to say? “Would you leave without saying goodbye?”

His jaw hardened at the subtle accusation in her voice. “It’s over, Bella.” Emotion twisted in her chest; he wasn’t referring to the mission. “I’ve said everything that needed to be said.”

If he’d been able to meet her gaze, the harshness of his tone might have discouraged her. “Have you?” She let the question hang before adding, “When will you go?”

“Soon.”

The cold response cut like a knife. Why was he doing this? Stay … Fight.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she blurted.

He stilled, every muscle in his body drawn as tight as a bow. His eyes dipped to hers, two hard slits of piercing green. “What in the hell do you want from me, Bella?” The harshness of his voice took her aback. “An affair? Marriage?”

Her eyes widened. Marriage. Was that what she wanted? To be another man’s chattel? To put herself at the mercy of another man when she’d just been freed? Could she ever trust a man enough to give him that kind of power over her?

Her heart started to beat very fast. She couldn’t think. “I … I don’t know.”

She hadn’t realized he’d been holding her arm until he dropped it. Her heart clenched at his stony expression; it felt as if she’d just failed an unspoken test. Had her hesitation hurt him? He’d caught her by surprise. He’d never hinted at a future, let alone one so permanent.

So conventional.

“You’ve been through a lot. It’s not surprising that you would get overly attached. I tried to warn you. But it was my mistake. I thought you could handle it.” He leaned down, his face cruelly mocking. “But just because you come a few times, it doesn’t mean you’re in love.”

Bella sucked in her breath, feeling as if he’d just slapped her. Nay, not slapped her, something worse. Pitied her. Mocked her. For daring to try to care about him. For daring to think she could actually count on him. She’d taken a chance. She’d told him she wanted him to stay, and he’d thrown it back in her face.

Her cheeks heated with hurt and indignation. To hell with him! Nothing was worth this. She’d had enough cruelty in her life. She deserved more than this. She deserved someone who cared about her.

For years she’d been valued only for her body. She wouldn’t—couldn’t—let that happen again. If he didn’t want her, didn’t want to give them a chance, then that was the way it would be.

She was done making excuses for him.

She drew herself up, every inch the proud, disdainful countess. She’d had years of practice hiding her feelings, and she relied on every one of them right now. “Love?” She let out a brittle tinkle of laughter. “The thought never crossed my mind. I could never love someone like you. The man I give my heart to will be worthy of my love and be capable of loving me back. He won’t be a mean, heartless bastard who would turn his back on his clan, friends, and country. It’s no wonder that your wife left you, you’re an—”

“That’s enough,” he growled. His eyes bit into her, his handsome face stark. “I think you’ve said enough.”

She gasped, unable to breathe through the pain burning in her chest.

She’d done it. She’d finally managed to hurt him. But it gave her precious little satisfaction as she stood there frozen, feeling as if she were breaking apart, and watched him walk away.

Eighteen

Dunstaffnage Castle, November, 1308

“You’re sure you won’t reconsider?” Bruce eyed Lachlan over the edge of his goblet. They were alone in the laird’s solar of Dunstaffnage Castle. It was four weeks since Lachlan had been here last, and yet he could still hear the scorn in Bella’s voice as she’d given him the set down he so richly deserved.

She was right: She did deserve better. He’d been trying to tell her that all along.

Marriage? What in Hades had possessed him to say that? Of course she’d hesitated. It wasn’t her fault that for one moment he’d allowed himself to think …

He was a fool. The heroine didn’t end up with the pirate. She needed a hero, not a villain. No wonder she’d laughed. He’d laugh, too.

Lachlan picked up his own glass and drained it. But the whisky did little to dull the burning ache in his chest.

He met the king’s gaze from across the table. Though idly spoken, Lachlan knew the question was anything but an idle one. Robert the Bruce would keep his promise, but if there was a way he could honorably avoid doing so, he would.

Lachlan smiled just as idly. “Nay,” he said with far more certainty than he felt. “I will not reconsider.”

He’d left, needing to get away before he did something stupid. The exchange with Bella had left him angry, raw, his emotions frayed, unable to escape the gnawing feeling that he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.