The Viper (Highland Guard #4)(116)

Bella looked at her daughter in shock. It wasn’t uncommon, of course, but … “You wish to marry? But you are only fourteen!”

“Not right away, perhaps, but soon. I merely wish to explain to you why I cannot go. Why I will not go. You chose your path, Mother; now I must choose mine.”

Something wasn’t right. Or maybe she just wanted to tell herself that. “But—”

The door opened behind her.

It was Lachlan. “I’m sorry, Bella, we have to go. They’ll be changing the guard soon.”

But her legs wouldn’t move. After all these years, the one thing that had kept her going was the moment she would be reunited with her daughter. She’d never imagined Joan would not want to go with her.

“My life is here, Mother,” her daughter repeated quietly.

Bella felt her shoulders shake, felt herself begin to crumble. But Lachlan was behind her. Steadying her. Holding her up.

She let herself lean on him. God knew she needed his strength.

“If that is what you wish,” she said, her voice trembling.

Joan nodded solemnly. “It is.” She was not as unaffected as she seemed. Bella could see the stiffness in her arms and shoulders. She was holding herself very tightly.

“May I write to you?”

Joan looked down, refusing to meet her gaze. For the first time, she resembled the child Bella remembered.

“It would be better for me if you didn’t.”

Bella tried to swallow, but the lump stuck in her throat. “I understand.” It would be safer for her daughter if everyone believed them estranged.

Sensing her anguish, Joan offered, “Perhaps when the war is over.”

Bella nodded, forcing a smile to her face. “Then I will pray for a swift end.”

Joan smiled tentatively back at her. “As will I.”

They shared a moment of silence, a shared prayer for tomorrow.

“I’m sorry, Bel,” Lachlan urged softly from behind. “We have to go.”

“But—” Bella stopped herself, trying to get her emotions under control. She took a deep, ragged breath, fighting the burning in her chest. “Goodbye, Jo.”

It was what she’d called her as a child.

Joan lifted her eyes to hers. It seemed to take her some effort to respond. “Goodbye, Mother.”

There was something in her voice. Something in the depths of her eyes that told her Joan was not the stranger she seemed. That her daughter was still there. Hidden by years of separation, but still there.

Bella couldn’t stop herself. She closed the distance between them and pulled the stiff girl into her arms, hugging her tight. For a moment, Joan sagged in her arms. But then she stiffened and pulled away.

Bella took her by the shoulders. “Swear to me if you are ever in danger you will send for me.”

Joan nodded. “I will. I promise.”

She unfastened the brooch on her cloak and handed it to her daughter. “I want you to have this.”

Joan’s eyes widened when she realized it was the MacDuff brooch. “I couldn’t—”

She tried to hand it back, but Bella shook her off. “Please. I want you to have it. It’s part of who you are.”

Joan nodded, her eyes conspicuously shimmery. She looked to Lachlan helplessly.

He gently pulled Bella away. For the second time, Bella slipped into the darkness, leaving her daughter behind.

It was a long time before she had a chance to speak with Lachlan, but his solid presence at her side as they escaped the castle with the rest of his brethren helped keep her on her feet, helped steady her when she wobbled, and helped soothe the pain of her daughter’s choosing a future that didn’t include her.

Hours later, wrapped in the comforting warmth of his arms so she could try to sleep while they rode, she let her tears finally fall, mourning the loss not of her daughter but of their life together. It was a day every mother knew would come, but hers had come too soon. Sons were forced from their mother’s arms as boys to be fostered or squired to a knight. But daughters … her daughter should have been hers until she married.

“I’m sorry, love,” Lachlan said gently.

Bella nodded. Seeing how worried he was, she managed a small smile. “Better not let your cousin hear you say that.”

He frowned. “Hawk can go bugger—” He stopped, giving her an apologetic wince. “I don’t care what he thinks.”

“Really? From those looks you were giving him a while back, I thought he seemed to be bothering you quite a bit. What did he say?”

“Nothing,” he said too quickly, but then reconsidered when she gave him an admonishing lift of her brow. “Let’s just say he’s enjoying the fact that I’ve softened my tone on marriage.”

“You have?”

“Aye … well … damn it, Bella, I want you to marry me. I know I don’t have anything to offer you. That you’d be a fool to get wrapped up with the likes of me, but—”

“If this is a proposal, you might want to stop telling me all the reasons I shouldn’t marry you.”

He scowled—a little petulantly for a man named after a deadly snake, but she’d remind him of that later. “I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into.”

She laughed. “I know exactly what I’d be getting into. But I think you left out the most important part.” He seemed confused, so she gave him a little help. “The point where you declare your undying love for me.”