The Vincent Boys (The Vincent Boys #1)(31)
A roar filled the room and I barely recognized the angry snarl coming from my mouth. I wouldn’t be able to stay here. How could I watch them? How could I go to school and see him touch her? Hold her hand? Oh God, kiss her mouth! Did she care she’d just destroyed me? Had this all been a little game to her? Pass the time with the bad boy while the prince is away?
DAMMIT, ASH.
My mangled cell phone began ringing. Panicked it could be her, that she could’ve changed her mind, I ran over to it and fumbled with the battery, holding it in place while I pressed the accept button several times before it worked. The screen was black.
“Hello.”
“Guess who’s home early and ready to get your lazy ass in the gym pumping weights first thing in the morning?” Sawyer’s chipper voice came over the line and I fought the instinct to throw the phone against the wall again. What did I say to him? How did I begin to act like I was happy he was home?
“Beau? You there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“What is it with everyone? Could someone act happy about me coming home early?”
I tampered down the small ray of hope trying to break into my thoughts. Surely he didn’t mean Ashton. “I’m sure your . . . Ash is happy you’re back,” I said. I wondered if he noticed I’d stopped myself from calling her his girlfriend. I wasn’t able to accept that anymore. He let out a frustrated sigh.
“No, she seemed distracted. I just found out about her Grana. Man, I hate I wasn’t here. I guess she’s upset about that and I’m being selfish wishing she’d acted happy about seeing me. Have you seen her? Is she doing okay?”
I had to be careful. She’d made her decision. Didn’t mean I couldn’t change her mind but I had to be careful. I had to protect her.
“She’s upset. We’ve bumped into each other some. She helped me and Nicole out one night when I’d had too much to drink. Gave us a ride home. I also went to the church last night to pay my respects and all. I remember her Grana. She was good to me.”
Sawyer sighed. “Thanks, man. I appreciate you going. I know it meant a lot to Ash.” I slammed my fist against the wall. I didn’t need him to thank me. I hadn’t done it for him.
“Well, I’ll see ya at the funeral then?”
No, I wasn’t ready to see them together. Watching Sawyer touch her might send me into a blind rage at her Grana’s funeral.
“I got some stuff to do. I went last night but you’re back and I did my duty.”
“Okay. Well, thanks again. I’m not kidding about the weight room tomorrow morning. I need to get your beer gut in shape.”
“Sure, see ya then.”
I dropped the broken pieces of my phone onto the coffee table. I needed to make a plan. I needed to think about this. Had I screwed up by letting her go? Had she wanted me to stop her? Ashton Gray was going to drive me mad.
Ashton
“You told Sawyer he was welcome to come eat with us tonight, didn’t you?”
Dad stood at the door of my bedroom. I’d come home from the funeral and went straight to the shower so I could cry in private. Once the water ran cold, I’d dried up my tears and forced myself to get a grip. What would Grana have told me to do? Would she have told me to go with my heart? Or would she have seen the wisdom in my decision? I thought back to the way Beau had reacted to my words. What had I expected him to do? Fall at my feet in tears? I should be happy he’d handled it so well. I didn’t have hurting him to add to my guilt.
“Yes. He’ll be here at six.” I sat up from my reclined position on my bed. Dad seemed pleased with that answer.
“You’ve been so closed off from the world this summer. I’m really relieved Sawyer’s home.”
I forced a smile so Dad wouldn’t guess anything was amiss. He walked away and closed my door behind him. I laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering how I was going to face Sawyer with the guilt of what I’d done weighing on me so heavily.
I loved Sawyer. My actions didn’t appear as if I did, but I did love him. The problem was, I wasn’t in love with him. I hadn’t realized there were different kinds of love you could feel for a boy. Sawyer was everything I respected. He was sweet and caring. I never had to worry he would leave me or hurt me. He was impossible not to love. Unfortunately, he had a girlfriend who was a big huge fake. He deserved to know what a fake I was, but how did I go about explaining to him I put on a show for him, for my parents, for the whole dang town? I couldn’t tell Sawyer anything. Word got around fast in a small town. My mother would be devastated. My dad would be furious. I’d hurt them both and for what? A guy who didn’t even care enough to respond to me when I broke things off with him? My heart had been breaking and he had been texting someone. Probably Nicole. The thought of Beau with Nicole made me nauseous.
Picking up my phone for the thousandth time since I’d left Beau’s, I checked to see if he had texted me. It was pointless. He wasn’t going to. I’d seen the look in his eyes. He hadn’t fought me. It didn’t make sense. Before I’d pushed him away he was ready to tell Sawyer himself, and he knew how Sawyer was going to react. Had he just been trying to ease my guilt? Had I just given him an easy out? Had he realized he wasn’t really in love with me but the idea of me? Tears welled up in my eyes. Pulling my knees up to my chest I buried my head against them and cried silently. Nothing would ever be the same. I’d ruined myself. My heart would always belong to someone who didn’t want it and Sawyer would be wasting his love on someone who didn’t deserve it. He deserved so much more than a girlfriend who wanted someone else.