The Trouble with Angels (Angels Everywhere #2)(34)
"Yup. Just like that.”
Had she actually spoken those words in that tone of voice for Karen to hear over and over again? Maureen’s stomach knotted with the thought of what had happened to her since the divorce. She’d turned cold and angry. Bitter and ugly.
When Brian had first asked for the divorce, Maureen hadn’t shed a tear. It was as though she’d been waiting for that moment almost from the first.
Brian had always been the restless sort, full of energy. There were places to go, people to meet. Increasingly he spent more time away from home on a variety of different projects.
She remembered the feelings of profound sadness after he’d moved out, and a multitude of regrets. If only she’d been a spotless housekeeper, a better cook, a more imaginative lover. If only she’d been more understanding. If only she’d listened more often. If only she’d talked to him. If only…if only…if only.
Then one day she decided she wasn’t willing to accept the blame for their failed marriage any longer.
She wasn’t the one who’d violated the vows they’d spoken before God and their families.
She wasn’t the one who couldn’t hold down a decent job for longer than six months at a stretch.
She wasn’t the one who’d walked out on the family he’d agreed to support. But then Brian never had been much for financial responsibilities.
Overnight, it seemed, the love she felt for her college sweetheart and the only lover she’d ever had turned to a fire-quenching hatred. After he’d left, she’d decided to make his life a living hell. The same hell he’d given her all the years they were married.
"Mom,” Karen asked her, "are you all right?”
"I’m fine, sweetheart.” They pulled onto the dirt road that led to Nichols’s Riding Stables.
"Are you going to be in the barn with Mr. Nichols when I’m finished with my lesson?”
"Ah.” Maureen needed to think. Thom confused her, and she’d already decided not to see him again, other than what was unavoidable. "I don’t think so.”
"Where do you want me to meet you?”
"I’ll be the car,” Maureen told her. She parked in her usual spot, and with her hands braced against the steering wheel she smiled at her daughter. "I’m sorry I called your daddy a bastard, Karen.”
"Don’t worry, Mom, I know my dad.” Having said that, the twelve year old climbed out of the car, slammed the door, and raced toward the barn.
Thom’s daughter was waiting for her, and the girls wrapped their arms around each other as if it had been months since they’d last spent time together. Like long-lost friends, the two headed inside the barn.
Maureen climbed out of the car. If she was going to avoid Thom, she couldn’t sit in her car, waiting like a sitting duck. She was prepared this time and had changed out of her heels into her tennis shoes.
She needed time and space to think about her conversation with Karen. A walk. Any place where she could escape. Anywhere she could drown out the echo of her daughter’s voice as she repeated the word Maureen had said so often. Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.
A number of horse trails led away from the stables, and Maureen chose one, following the narrow, winding dirt pathway.
"Damn you, Brian,” she muttered, fighting the blast of anger. Brian hadn’t talked to his daughter in over a year, and when he’d phoned he hadn’t so much as asked about her.
True, Maureen hadn’t given him much of an opportunity. No doubt he’d called because he was angry over her latest attempt to get him to pay child support. He’d probably boosted his courage with a couple of beers. He’d been out of work—that was the usual excuse—but he was working now and would give her what he could in time. She’d heard that countless times before and would rather he dealt directly with her attorney.
Maureen didn’t want to hear his hard-luck tales. They were all too familiar. She’d told him coolly and unemotionally exactly what he could do with his lame excuses. Then she’d hung up and sat and shaken with anger.
Thom had made an excuse to leave soon afterward. Not that Maureen blamed him. It wasn’t until he’d driven away that she’d noticed the untouched pot of coffee. She wanted to explain to Thom about Brian, but it wasn’t possible to wrap it up with a pretty pink bow. It was better that he not know.
She enjoyed Thom’s company, but he didn’t understand what it was to have suffered through a divorce. He didn’t know what it was like to have his trust ravaged, to have his heart violated to the point that the last lingering vestige of respect had long since died.
From the little he’d told her about Paula’s mother, Maureen knew they’d shared a deep and personal commitment to each other. The kind her own mother and father shared now.
Maureen walked as fast as her feet would go, her anger carrying her over the uneven pathway. Tired and breathing heavily, she turned off the road and followed a shallow stream as it wound around a crop of bolders. The stream had a peaceful effect, and she watched it for several moments, then decided to sit down and rest before heading back to the stables.
She found a good-size rock and sat there with her arms tucked around her bunched-up knees. She could see herself through Karen’s young eyes, and she didn’t like the picture. Yet she didn’t know what to do to change the image in her mind.