The Son of Neptune (The Heroes of Olympus #2)(71)

“Um ... no,” Percy said.

Phineas waved his weed whacker in an expansive gesture. All three of them ducked.

“Things have changed, my friends!” he said. “When I first got the gift of prophecy, eons ago, it’s true Jupiter cursed me. He sent the harpies to steal my food. You see, I had a bit of a big mouth. I gave away too many secrets that the gods wanted kept.” He turned to Hazel. “For instance, you’re supposed to be dead. And you—” He turned to Frank. “Your life depends on a burned stick.”

Percy frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Hazel blinked like she’d been slapped. Frank looked like the truck had backed up and run over him again.

“And you,” Phineas turned to Percy, “well now, you don’t even know who you are! I could tell you, of course, but…ha! What fun would that be? And Brigid O’Shaughnessy shot Miles Archer in The Maltese Falcon. And Darth Vader is actually Luke’s father. And the winner of the next Super Bowl will be—”

“Got it,” Frank muttered.

Hazel gripped her sword like she was tempted to pommel-whip the old man. “So you talked too much, and the gods cursed you. Why did they stop?”

“Oh, they didn’t!” The old man arched his bushy eyebrows like, Can you believe it? “I had to make a deal with the Argonauts. They wanted information too, you see. I told them to kill the harpies, and I’d cooperate. Well, they drove those nasty creatures away, but Iris wouldn’t let them kill the harpies. An outrage! So this time, when my patron brought me back to life—”

“Your patron?” Frank asked.

Phineas gave him a wicked grin. “Why, Gaea, of course.

Who do you think opened the Doors of Death? Your girl friend here understands. Isn’t Gaea your patron, too?”

Hazel drew her sword. “I’m not his—I don’t—Gaea is not my patron!”

Phineas looked amused. If he had heard the sword being drawn, he didn’t seem concerned. “Fine, if you want to be noble and stick with the losing side, that’s your business. But Gaea is waking. She’s already rewritten the rules of life and death! I’m alive again, and in exchange for my help—a prophecy here, a prophecy there—I get my fondest wish. The tables have been turned, so to speak. Now I can eat all I want, all day long, and the harpies have to watch and starve.”

He revved his weed whacker, and the harpies wailed in the trees.

“They’re cursed!” the old man said. “They can eat only food from my table, and they can’t leave Portland. Since the Doors of Death are open, they can’t even die. It’s beautiful!”

“Beautiful?” Frank protested. “They’re living creatures. Why are you so mean to them?”

“They’re monsters!” Phineas said. “And mean? Those feather-brained demons tormented me for years!”

“But it was their duty,” Percy said, trying to control himself. “Jupiter ordered them to.”

“Oh, I’m mad at Jupiter, too,” Phineas agreed. “In time, Gaea will see that the gods are properly punished. Horrible job they’ve done, ruling the world. But for now, I’m enjoying Portland. The mortals take no notice of me. They think I’m just a crazy old man shooing away pigeons!”

Hazel advanced on the seer. “You’re awful!” she told Phineas. “You belong in the Fields of Punishment!”

Phineas sneered. “One dead person to another, girlie? I wouldn’t be talking. You started this whole thing! If it weren’t for you, Alcyoneus wouldn’t be alive!”

Hazel stumbled back.

“Hazel?” Frank’s eyes got as wide as quarters. “What’s he talking about?”

“Ha!” Phineas said. “You’ll find out soon enough, Frank Zhang. Then we’ll see if you’re still sweet on your girlfriend.

But that’s not what you’re here about, is it? You want to find Thanatos. He’s being kept at Alcyoneus’s lair. I can tell you where that is. Of course I can. But you’ll have to do me a favor.”

“Forget it,” Hazel snapped. “You’re working for the enemy.

We should send you back to the Underworld ourselves.”

“You could try.” Phineas smiled. “But I doubt I’d stay dead very long. You see, Gaea has shown me the easy way back. And with Thanatos in chains, there’s no one to keep me down! Besides, if you kill me, you won’t get my secrets.”

Percy was tempted to let Hazel use her sword. In fact he wanted to strangle the old man himself.

Camp Jupiter, he told himself. Saving the camp is more important. He remembered Alcyoneus taunting him in his dreams. If they wasted time searching through Alaska looking for the giant’s lair, Gaea’s armies would destroy the Romans…and Percy’s other friends, wherever they were.

He gritted his teeth. “What’s the favor?”

Phineas licked his lips greedily. “There’s one harpy who’s quicker than the rest.”

“The red one,” Percy guessed.

“I’m blind! I don’t know colors!” the old man groused. “At any rate, she’s the only one I have trouble with. She’s wily, that one. Always does her own thing, never roosts with the others. She gave me these.”