The Serpent's Shadow (Kane Chronicles #3)(84)

As the car got closer, I could see it was a Mercedes limo. It climbed the hill, trailed by bat demons, and screeched to a stop in a cloud of red dust. The driver’s door opened, and a small hairy man in a blue Speedo stepped out.

I had never been so happy to see someone so ugly.

Bes, in all his horrible warty glory, climbed onto the roof of his car. He turned to face the bat demons. His eyes bulged. His mouth opened impossibly wide. His hair stood out like porcupine quills, and he yelled, “BOO!”

The winged demons screamed and disintegrated.

“Bes!” Sadie ran toward him.

The dwarf god broke into a grin. He slid down to the hood, so he was almost Sadie’s height when she hugged him.

“There’s my girl!” he said. “And, Carter, get your sorry hide over here!”

He hugged me, too. I didn’t even mind him rubbing his knuckles on my head.

“And, Zia Rashid!” Bes cried generously. “I got a hug for you too—”

“I’m good,” Zia said, stepping back. “Thanks.”

Bes bellowed with laughter. “You’re right. Time for warm and fuzzy later. We gotta get you guys out of here!”

“The—the shadow spell?” Sadie stammered. “It actually worked?”

“Of course it worked, you crazy kid!” Bes thumped his hairy chest, and suddenly he was wearing a chauffeur’s uniform. “Now, get in the car!”

I turned to grab Setne…and my heart nearly stopped. “Oh, holy Horus…” The magician was gone. I scanned the terrain in every direction, hoping he’d just inchwormed away. There was no sign of him.

Zia blasted fire at the spot where he’d been lying. Apparently, the ghost hadn’t merely become invisible, because there was no scream.

“Setne was right there!” Zia protested. “Tied up in the Ribbons of Hathor! How could he just disappear?”

Bes frowned. “Setne, eh? I hate that weasel. Have you got the serpent’s shadow?”

“Yeah,” I said, “but Setne has the Book of Thoth.”

“Can you cast the execration without it?” Bes asked.

Sadie and I exchanged looks.

“Yes,” we both said.

“Then we’ll have to worry about Setne later,” Bes said. “We don’t have much time!”

I guess if you have to travel through the Land of Demons, a limo is the way to go. Unfortunately, Bes’s new sedan was no cleaner than the one we’d left at the bottom of the Mediterranean last spring. I wondered if he pre-ordered them already littered with old Chinese-food containers, stomped-on magazines, and dirty laundry.

Sadie rode shotgun. Zia and I climbed in back. Bes slammed the accelerator and played a game of hit-the-demon.

“Five points if you can hit that bloke with the cleaver head!” Sadie screamed.

Boom! Cleaver-head went flying over the hood.

Sadie applauded. “Ten points if you can hit those two dragonfly things at once.”

Boom, boom! Two very large bugs hit the windshield.

Sadie and Bes laughed like crazy. Me, I was too busy yelling, “Crevice! Look out! Flaming geyser! Go left!”

Call me practical. I wanted to live. I grabbed Zia’s hand and tried to hang on.

As we approached the heart of the battle, I could see the gods pushing back the demons. It looked like the entire Sunny Acres Godly Retirement Community had unleashed their geriatric wrath on the forces of darkness. Tawaret the hippo goddess was in the lead, wearing her nurse’s outfit and high heels, swinging a flaming torch in one hand and a hypodermic needle in the other. She bonked one demon on the head, then injected another in the rump, causing him to pass out immediately.

Two old guys in loincloths were hobbling around, throwing fireballs into the sky and incinerating flying demons. One of the old dudes kept screaming, “My pudding!” for no apparent reason.

Heket the frog goddess leaped around the battlefield, knocking out monsters with her tongue. She seemed to have a special fondness for the demons with insect heads. A few yards away, the senile cat goddess Mekhit was smashing demons with her walker, yelling, “Meow!” and hissing.

“Should we help them?” Zia asked.

Bes chuckled. “They don’t need help. This is the most fun they’ve had in centuries. They have a purpose again! They’re going to cover our retreat while I get you to the river.”

“But we don’t have a ship anymore!” I protested.

Bes raised a furry eyebrow. “You sure about that?” He slowed the Mercedes and rolled down the window. “Hey, sweetie! You okay here?”

Tawaret turned and gave him a huge hippo smile. “We’re fine, honeycakes! Good luck!”

“I’ll be back!” he promised. He blew her a kiss, and I thought Tawaret was going to faint from happiness.

The Mercedes peeled out.

“Honeycakes?” I asked.

“Hey, kid,” Bes growled, “do I criticize your relationships?”

I didn’t have the guts to look at Zia, but she squeezed my hand. Sadie stayed quiet. Maybe she was thinking about Walt.

The Mercedes leaped one last flaming chasm and slammed to a stop on the beach of bones.

I pointed to the wreckage of the Egyptian Queen. “See? No boat.”

“Oh, yeah?” Bes asked. “Then what’s that?”