The Sea of Monsters(27)

Here we go again, George said. Always talking about himself Quiet! Martha snapped. Do you want to get set on vibrate?

Hermes ignored them. “One night, when this boy’s mother wasn’t watching, he sneaked out of their cave and stole some cattle that belonged to Apollo.”

“Did he get blasted to tiny pieces?” I asked.

“Hmm … no. Actually, everything turned out quite well. To make up for his theft, the boy gave Apollo an instrument he’d invented—a lyre. Apollo was so enchanted with the music that he forgot all about being angry.”

“So what’s the moral?”

“The moral?” Hermes asked. “Goodness, you act like it’s a fable. It’s a true story. Does truth have a moral?”

“Um …”

“How about this: stealing is not always bad?”

“I don’t think my mom would like that moral.”

Rats are delicious, suggested George.

What does that have to do with the story? Martha demanded.

Nothing, George said. But I’m hungry.

“I’ve got it,” Hermes said. “Young people don’t always do what they’re told, but if they can pull it off and do something wonderful, sometimes they escape punishment. How’s that?”

“You’re saying I should go anyway,” I said, “even without permission.”

Hermes’s eyes twinkled. “Martha, may I have the first package, please?”

Martha opened her mouth … and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister—an old-fashioned lunch box thermos with a black plastic top. The sides of the thermos were enameled with red and yellow Ancient Greek scenes—a hero killing a lion; a hero lifting up Cerberus, the three-headed dog.

“That’s Hercules,” I said. “But how—”

“Never question a gift,” Hermes chided. “This is a collector’s item from Hercules Busts Heads. The first season.”

“Hercules Busts Heads?”

“Great show.” Hermes sighed. “Back before Hephaestus-TV was all reality programming. Of course, the thermos would be worth much more if I had the whole lunch box—”

Or if it hadn’t been in Martha’s mouth, George added.

I’ll get you for that. Martha began chasing him around the caduceus.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “This is a gift?”

“One of two,” Hermes said. “Go on, pick it up.”

I almost dropped it because it was freezing cold on one side and burning hot on the other.

The weird thing was, when I turned the thermos, the side facing the ocean— north—was always the cold side….

“It’s a compass!” I said.

Hermes looked surprised. “Very clever. I never thought of that. But its intended use is a bit more dramatic. Uncap it, and you will release the winds from the four corners of the earth to speed you on your way. Not now! And please, when the time comes, only unscrew the lid a tiny bit. The winds are a bit like me—always restless. Should all four escape at once … ah, but I’m sure you’ll be careful. And now my second gift. George?”

She’s touching me, George complained as he and Martha slithered around the pole.

“She’s always touching you,” Hermes said. “You’re intertwined. And if you don’t stop that, you’ll get knotted again!

The snakes stopped wrestling.

George unhinged his jaw and coughed up a little plastic bottle filled with chewable vitamins.

“You’re kidding,” I said. “Are those Minotaur-shaped?”

Hermes picked up the bottle and rattled it. “The lemon ones, yes. The grape ones are Furies, I think. Or are they hydras? At any rate, these are potent. Don’t take one unless you really, really need it.”

“How will I know if I really, really need it?”

“You’ll know, believe me. Nine essential vitamins, minerals, amino acids … oh, everything you need to feel yourself again.”

He tossed me the bottle.

“Um, thanks,” I said. “But Lord Hermes, why are you helping me?”

He gave me a melancholy smile. “Perhaps because I hope that you can save many people on this quest, Percy. Not just your friend Grover.”

I stared at him. “You don’t mean … Luke?”

Hermes didn’t answer.

“Look,” I said. “Lord Hermes, I mean, thanks and everything, but you might as well take back your gifts. Luke can’t be saved. Even if I could find him … he told me he wanted to tear down Olympus stone by stone. He betrayed everybody he knew. He—he hates you especially.”

Hermes gazed up at the stars. “My dear young cousin, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the eons, it’s that you can’t give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it. It doesn’t matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don’t appreciate your genius for inventing the Internet—”

“You invented the Internet?”

It was my idea, Martha said.

Rats are delicious, George said.

“It was my idea!” Hermes said. “I mean the Internet, not the rats. But that’s not the point.